A good roommate can be a great way to keep you company and help split the cost of rent. A bad roommate, on the other hand, is like a case of AIDS. He or she can take away your freedom, independence and ultimately, your will to live, until you are a shell of the person you once were. Here are the nine worst.
9. The Deadbeat
The first of every month this guy is like a broken record, "Hey man...yeah, so, like, my company...they, like, forgot to pay me. So I don't, like, have any money for, ya know, rent." And he says the same thing when the electric bill, cable bill, or any other bill needs paying. But somehow his total lack of cash doesn't stop him from going out four nights a week, while you're stuck eating Ramen noodles and dryer lint just to make ends meet. And whenever you try to explain to him that you can't always pay for his share, he gets offended, takes a communist stance, and says that if you were in the same position, he would totally help you out. But, unfortunately, Arby's doesn't plan to double his $13,000 salary anytime soon.
8. The Food Stealer
We’ve all taken food that didn’t belong to us at some point, but the Food Stealer is on an entirely different level. It’s as if they spent years in an early twentieth century orphanage, learning grifting and slight of hand techniques. If you ever happen to leave any of your food in a common area like “the fridge,” they’ll immediately eat all of it, and then when you ask them about it, they’ll act like a drug dealer being questioned by the cops about a murder.
YOU: So, did you see the Cheez-its that were in the cabinet?
THEM: Cheez-its?
YOU: Yeah, cheez-its, cheesy snacks, look kind of like wheat thins. You know what they are.
THEM: OH. Cheez-its. Nah, don’t know what happened to them.
YOU: But they were here earlier, and now they’re gone.
THEM: That’s unfortunate. Maybe they’re just missin’. (stare down between you and them)
YOU: Gah! I know you did it you son of a bitch!
7. The Party Guy
Every night this guy comes home at five in the morning, with a group of people that all look like the fourth picture in a twelve picture “Faces Of Meth” montage. If the sound of the music blasting doesn’t wake you up, the drunk woman stumbling in to your room and attempting to f*&k her boyfriend on the bed you’re sleeping on does. Inevitably you have to walk out into the living room, and turn down the music, and everyone looks at you like they’re a group of graduate students and you just told them you “don’t really care for Arrested Development.” You tell your roommate you have to be up in two hours, and they’re like “Oh, no way, okay, totally sorry. We’ll turn this down.” Then you head back to your room, and you clearly hear through the wall, your roommate saying “just wait like two minutes and then we’ll pump that shit up again.”
6. The Borrower
They borrow everything from you, and either lose it or use it for something it wasn’t supposed to be used for, leaving you saying things like “It’s cool you borrowed my copy of Shawshank Redemption, but I’d rather you didn’t use it to hold up your dresser. It’s not really a load bearing DVD.” You don’t want to look like an asshole, but before you know it, you’re gingerly asking them to BORROW BACK the things you lent them. “Hey man, I was wondering if I could grab that toothpaste back from you, just cause I ran out of mine. As soon as I buy new toothpaste, I’ll bring it right back.” “Hmmm, I kind of need it tonight and there’s not much left.” “Okay, cool, no worries.”
5. The Gamer
Everyone likes to kick back and blow off some steam and playing video games. But nothing is more annyoing than sharing an apartment's only television with someone who's surgically attached to his Xbox and/or PS3. Because the only thing lamer than always playing video games, is having to watch someone always play video games. The problem is, hardcore gamers don't sleep, or seem to have regular jobs. Which means you're getting woken up by him screaming into a headset at a seven-year-old in Poland about how his Warlock totally annihilated by his cleric. Or when you get home from work and you just want to watch some mindless TV, but he's playing Madden by himself so he can "practice running up the middle. Or when you just want to watch the Super Bowl and he "Needs to get to this one last level of Call of Duty so I can save it. Can you listen to the first half on the radio? I'm sure it's online somewhere."
4. Couch Potato
Remember how you used to like sitting on your couch? Remember how it used to not smell like rotten guacamole? Remember when it wasn’t covered in what looks like various dried bodily fluids and sweat stains? Well those days are over, now that you’re living with a Couch Potato. The Couch Potato roommate is usually a combo roommate, meaning that the Couch Potato will most likely also be The Gamer, The Dead Beat, or (worst of all) The Guy Who’s Girlfriend is Always Over. Either way, this couch is his new home, and there’s no moving him once he’s established it as his territory. Your best plan of action now is to position a garbage can nearby, get a fresh bottle of Febreeze, and learn to like Law & Order (all of them), because he who controls the couch controls the television, and that SVU shit is like Couch Potato heroin.
3.The Guy Whose Girlfriend Is Always Over
When you're roommate is in a relationship, it's like you're in a relationship, too. Except you only get the shit parts of having a girlfriend. You're always hanging out with her, she's eating your food and she's taking up your spot on the couch, but you don't get to have sex with her. And somehow, you end up watching Grey's Anatomy because she wants to because you're roommate wants to watch it because he wants to keep having sex with her.
2. The Slob
After the slob is done cooking, your kitchen looks like someone raped a barbecue chicken sandwich.Every time you walk past their bathroom, it smells like a baby shit on top of a copy of the New York times, then died.Every time you ask them to clean up, they respond with picking up something and moving it somewhere else, then look at you to see what your response will be like they’re playing chess for the first time and want to make sure they moved the knight correctly.The apartment gets messier and messier, until the only way the apartment could get any dirtier, is if it f*&ked strangers for money.That’s when you realize you’ve lost the battle, and start laughing when your roommate blows his nose on a pair of basketball shorts he found stuffed inside your silverware drawer.
1.Mr. Anal Retentive
Maybe this person was raised in a strict household. Maybe at some point they were thrown into the back of a garbage truck, and they’ve been freaked out by messiness ever since. Freud would say that at some point in their childhood they had to hold in a huge dump, and that magically turned into obsessive-compulsive disorder. Whatever the reasoning, there are some people who are anal retentive neat-freaks, and this can translate into a roommate nightmare. To compound the issue, most anal-retentive people are passive aggressive, so they won’t express frustration and resentment over having to wash your two dirty dishes in the sink to satisfy their twisted psychological disorder. After about 7 months, though, all of their frustration will build into a repressed volcano of bitter rage, and eventually they will go ballistic over something completely inane, leaving you to calm the situation down by saying something like “Dude. Sorry, I didn’t know we had separate sponges for the dishes and the counter.” Unfortunately, you’ll still have five months left on your one-year lease. Good luck with that.
Why the fuck should your roommates risk their safety just because you have shitty taste in men and are clearly so desperate you'll date a psycho?
I'm with Kyle. Let's add 'Drama Queen with a victim complex' to the list of shitty room-mates.
My girlfriend had a roomate with an "unstable" boyfriend, if by "unstable" you mean "abusive, lying, piece of shit who should be castrated and fed to wild dogs". At first my girlfriend tried to help her, and she dumped the asshole (after he hit her and broke her cellphone), but she took him back.
This happened a few times, and he even threatened my girlfriend once. So I told her roomate he couldn't come to her place anymore. She dumped him and said he wouldn't come back. Of course that lasted about two weeks, so then I told her boyfriend to stay the fuck away. This just meant that he'd come over when I wasn't there (I lived about 40 minutes away from my g/f's). Finally my girlfriend just forced the other girl to move out.
It's not my girlfriend's responsibility to deal with a girl who's so stupid that she keeps taking this guy back (Although the guy has to take responsibility for his own actions). I mean, I hope she's okay, but my number one concern was keeping my girlfriend safe (my number two concern was not going to jail, and I know this asshole would've called the cops if I hit him), so I'm glad the girl is gone and out of both of our lives. It's roomates like her that are the worst, not the ones who don't want to get hurt but abusive, small-dicked, wastes of sperm.
Had a housemate once who used to pick up bums off the street and bring them home for sex. Creepiest...guy...ever. We'de be sitting around wathing TV and he'd skulk through the living room with some poor grungy dude. Half an hour later they'd leave, then an hour later he'd come back with another one. eeeuuuuugggghhhhh.....
What about the room mate who spills shit on the furniture and lets it dry?
Seriously. Like, brand new carpeting had gotten put in, and about 4 months into it, it was absolutely covered in beer, soda, remains of vomit and cigs, piss that had been in a cup that got knocked over..
Ugh, I didn't live with this chick, but my best friend did and I was over there all the time.
How about the "I love heroin" roomate?? Sorta like the Deadbeat, Party Guy, Couch potato, Borrower, and Slob all rolled into one. Had one of these once...NOT FUN!!
Like when they kick down your door because "someone's in the appartment" no no they are so bugged out that the guy that "walked past" them in the mirror in in the house.
- The Blamer - They are the slob, borrower, etc, but constantly acuse you of being the slob, borrower, etc. One such roommate was always on my case about the dishes, when he was by far the worse offender.
- The Arrogant A-hole - This guy always feels he is better than you, no matter what. He is always competing with you to prove just how much better he is, "my cooking is better", "my car is nicer", "my classes are harder", etc. One such roommate didn't 'respect' me until I a better looking girlfriend.
I had: "Conservative Republican Guy Who Finds Out You Were In a Three-Way With His Girlfriend Right Before They Started Going Out"
It went from pleasant normal roommate land to completely awkward bitter bizarre remainder of the year, with him barely speaking to me and sort of hiding in his room and adjusting his schedule to avoid me at all costs.
What about the "I'm your roommate so therefore I must be the center of your life" roommate? Yeah, only had 1 roommates so far, lived with her for about 2 years. If I went out with my friends and didn't invite her she'd get mad, if she invited me to go somewhere with her and I didn't want to go, she got mad. It was like we were some fucked up married couple.
Her: What are we doing tonight?
Me: I don't know. Maybe we'll stay in.
Her: I don't want to stay in. We never do anything.
Me: Well you don't like to go where I like to go
Her: The people you hang out with are weird
Me: So go hang out with someone else
Her: I don't know anyone else
She would even yell at me for coming home late, using "her fork", or wanting to turn the TV off because she decides to leave it on while reading a book. Thank god she moved out.
That still doesn't prove anything. You must be one of those ultra-conservative christians...
And also, to the guy below, it doesn't say anywhere in the post if the person is a dude or not moron.
i'm an ultra conservative christian, and i don't think this was written by a guy. I have said this kind of stuff b4, and i am a "chick". the person below you might have been a girl too. ever think about that?
in my college dorm, there were two girl roomies who were SO.FUCKING.SLOBBY. I went into their room ONCE and it reeked of garbage. warm, putrid, garbage. The floor was literary covered in 2.5 foot of trash. McDonalds wrappers, empty yogurt containers, milk cartons, used plastic forks/spoons, tampons, Fucking everything you'd find in a trash. It was obscene!
I got the one who does nothing but sit on his ass playing halo 3 and yells at 12 year olds. He claims "Major League Gaming" is a sport and he "follows" it every day.
I haven't had the best luck with roommates. One would get pissed if she had to load the dishwasher but didn't seem to mind that I was the only one who cleaned the damn toilets. One always seemed to come home when I was making dinner and conveniently have all of my leftovers. My current roommate claims that her morbidly obese cat has to be on prozac because of my dog. If my dog did chase the cat (not that she cares about the cat at all) it would do cat Albert a world of good. Not to mention she leaves the cat here almost every weekend when she goes out of town.
However, I did have one awesome roommate who I miss dearly. So, not all roommates suck ass.
OK, I'm a dude that lived with 2 chicks. Sounds great, like three's company, right? WRONG! One girl was the "crunchy granola, hippy, vegan" type who would "borrow" my weed. The other was a straight up crack head which the hippy recruted as a roomate. At least the hippy paid the rent. Crack heads never have money, so it became my job to get rid of her.
And last but certainly not least, how much fucking toilet paper do you bitches really need to use!!! One roll lasts me over a month. I bought an 18 pack and 2 weeks later it was "my turn" to buy toilet paper again!
I think chicks know of secret uses for toilet paper that men have yet to uncover. Dateline, or 20/20, needs to do a story on this all to common occurence. i'm convinced that there is some use for toilet paper we are missing.
I had a roommate who thought she was my mommy, she'd always be asking me if I was going out that night and how late I'd be out and the next morning she'd ask how late I was out the night before. She also tried to tell me I couldn't have friends over because she didn't like them. She was a slob and she turned my living room into a zoo, kept bringing home ferrets and guinea pigs and never cleaned up after them so the entire apartment smelled like a zoo. I could go on forever about how much it sucked...I ended the lease after three months and it was a year lease.
I has a roommate in a share house who was lucky enough to be the holder of the lease. He thought this meant that he didn't have to pay any rent or bills...
He also ate all our food, claimed we were late paying rent when it had already been paid, alcoholic, and smack user, always wanted to be around when we were having friends over despite the fact we all obviously thought he was a tool. If THAT wasn't great enough we had some dectectives show up on the front door asking a lot of questions about him. It was then we discovered he was being investigated for a rape/murder and was refusing to give DNA to clear his name...
(305 Comments)
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Holy Taco Goes to the Bahamas
April 9th, 2009 at 03:45 am
i agree with kyle. whoever posted this shit has no sense of irony.
April 7th, 2009 at 02:02 pm
Why the fuck should your roommates risk their safety just because you have shitty taste in men and are clearly so desperate you'll date a psycho?
I'm with Kyle. Let's add 'Drama Queen with a victim complex' to the list of shitty room-mates.
April 8th, 2009 at 10:22 am
My girlfriend had a roomate with an "unstable" boyfriend, if by "unstable" you mean "abusive, lying, piece of shit who should be castrated and fed to wild dogs". At first my girlfriend tried to help her, and she dumped the asshole (after he hit her and broke her cellphone), but she took him back.
This happened a few times, and he even threatened my girlfriend once. So I told her roomate he couldn't come to her place anymore. She dumped him and said he wouldn't come back. Of course that lasted about two weeks, so then I told her boyfriend to stay the fuck away. This just meant that he'd come over when I wasn't there (I lived about 40 minutes away from my g/f's). Finally my girlfriend just forced the other girl to move out.
It's not my girlfriend's responsibility to deal with a girl who's so stupid that she keeps taking this guy back (Although the guy has to take responsibility for his own actions). I mean, I hope she's okay, but my number one concern was keeping my girlfriend safe (my number two concern was not going to jail, and I know this asshole would've called the cops if I hit him), so I'm glad the girl is gone and out of both of our lives. It's roomates like her that are the worst, not the ones who don't want to get hurt but abusive, small-dicked, wastes of sperm.
April 7th, 2009 at 04:12 am
Had a housemate once who used to pick up bums off the street and bring them home for sex. Creepiest...guy...ever. We'de be sitting around wathing TV and he'd skulk through the living room with some poor grungy dude. Half an hour later they'd leave, then an hour later he'd come back with another one. eeeuuuuugggghhhhh.....
April 7th, 2009 at 08:58 am
now thats just plain nasty
April 7th, 2009 at 07:28 pm
man what the F
April 7th, 2009 at 04:14 am
What about the room mate who spills shit on the furniture and lets it dry?
Seriously. Like, brand new carpeting had gotten put in, and about 4 months into it, it was absolutely covered in beer, soda, remains of vomit and cigs, piss that had been in a cup that got knocked over..
Ugh, I didn't live with this chick, but my best friend did and I was over there all the time.
April 7th, 2009 at 05:25 am
How about the "I love heroin" roomate?? Sorta like the Deadbeat, Party Guy, Couch potato, Borrower, and Slob all rolled into one. Had one of these once...NOT FUN!!
April 7th, 2009 at 08:24 am
hahaa i love you, welcome to my life
August 15th, 2009 at 09:51 pm
Like when they kick down your door because "someone's in the appartment" no no they are so bugged out that the guy that "walked past" them in the mirror in in the house.
April 7th, 2009 at 06:24 am
I could add about 5 more to this list
- The Blamer - They are the slob, borrower, etc, but constantly acuse you of being the slob, borrower, etc. One such roommate was always on my case about the dishes, when he was by far the worse offender.
- The Arrogant A-hole - This guy always feels he is better than you, no matter what. He is always competing with you to prove just how much better he is, "my cooking is better", "my car is nicer", "my classes are harder", etc. One such roommate didn't 'respect' me until I a better looking girlfriend.
- The Porn Addict - You know who you are.
And so on...
April 7th, 2009 at 07:53 am
Yeah? What's the fucking problem chief?
April 7th, 2009 at 06:48 am
I had: "Conservative Republican Guy Who Finds Out You Were In a Three-Way With His Girlfriend Right Before They Started Going Out"
It went from pleasant normal roommate land to completely awkward bitter bizarre remainder of the year, with him barely speaking to me and sort of hiding in his room and adjusting his schedule to avoid me at all costs.
April 7th, 2009 at 07:04 am
I'm totally raping a barbecue chicken sandwich for lunch!
April 7th, 2009 at 02:33 pm
i got sloppy seconds
April 7th, 2009 at 07:26 am
I think the anal-retentive roommate is a sympyom of having to live with any of the others.
April 7th, 2009 at 08:09 am
you would try to justify your condition...you anal retintive freak
April 7th, 2009 at 09:02 am
What about the "I'm your roommate so therefore I must be the center of your life" roommate? Yeah, only had 1 roommates so far, lived with her for about 2 years. If I went out with my friends and didn't invite her she'd get mad, if she invited me to go somewhere with her and I didn't want to go, she got mad. It was like we were some fucked up married couple.
Her: What are we doing tonight?
Me: I don't know. Maybe we'll stay in.
Her: I don't want to stay in. We never do anything.
Me: Well you don't like to go where I like to go
Her: The people you hang out with are weird
Me: So go hang out with someone else
Her: I don't know anyone else
She would even yell at me for coming home late, using "her fork", or wanting to turn the TV off because she decides to leave it on while reading a book. Thank god she moved out.
April 7th, 2009 at 09:22 am
There's your problem though.....you were roommates with a chick you weren't banging!
April 7th, 2009 at 10:16 am
women read and comment on this site too. You may have just said that to a girl.
April 7th, 2009 at 11:46 am
all the better
April 7th, 2009 at 11:48 am
it says that he's a guy and the conversation is between him "me" and a girl "her"
fucking retard
April 9th, 2009 at 03:42 am
are you gay and 7 years old?
April 7th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
"It was like we were some fucked up married couple."
Wham, bam, thankee ma'am
April 8th, 2009 at 09:57 am
That still doesn't prove anything. You must be one of those ultra-conservative christians...
And also, to the guy below, it doesn't say anywhere in the post if the person is a dude or not moron.
April 8th, 2009 at 01:10 pm
i'm an ultra conservative christian, and i don't think this was written by a guy. I have said this kind of stuff b4, and i am a "chick". the person below you might have been a girl too. ever think about that?
April 9th, 2009 at 03:41 am
you all suck ass.
April 16th, 2009 at 05:37 am
dont be so vulgar !
of course I'm not a Christian !!!
April 7th, 2009 at 12:40 pm
What about the roommate who always stays in his room, creeps around corners and hates it when anybody he doesnt know is at the house?
April 16th, 2009 at 05:35 am
hahaaa... that sounds like ME !
Were not really creepy, we just resent having to share our lives with the same people we have to share our home with.
April 21st, 2009 at 11:32 am
sounds like me too....
April 7th, 2009 at 12:44 pm
in my college dorm, there were two girl roomies who were SO.FUCKING.SLOBBY. I went into their room ONCE and it reeked of garbage. warm, putrid, garbage. The floor was literary covered in 2.5 foot of trash. McDonalds wrappers, empty yogurt containers, milk cartons, used plastic forks/spoons, tampons, Fucking everything you'd find in a trash. It was obscene!
April 7th, 2009 at 06:10 pm
do you have their number by any chance?
April 7th, 2009 at 01:38 pm
I got the one who does nothing but sit on his ass playing halo 3 and yells at 12 year olds. He claims "Major League Gaming" is a sport and he "follows" it every day.
April 7th, 2009 at 01:58 pm
What about the public shitter, who refuses to close the door to do their business. Or the nudist, which is self explanatory.
April 7th, 2009 at 02:07 pm
may I present to you the ultimate roommate delimma: Who ate all the fucking hot pockets? This is a real roommate in crisis:
http://www.digitalfuntown.com/videos/151
April 7th, 2009 at 04:38 pm
I haven't had the best luck with roommates. One would get pissed if she had to load the dishwasher but didn't seem to mind that I was the only one who cleaned the damn toilets. One always seemed to come home when I was making dinner and conveniently have all of my leftovers. My current roommate claims that her morbidly obese cat has to be on prozac because of my dog. If my dog did chase the cat (not that she cares about the cat at all) it would do cat Albert a world of good. Not to mention she leaves the cat here almost every weekend when she goes out of town.
However, I did have one awesome roommate who I miss dearly. So, not all roommates suck ass.
April 7th, 2009 at 06:09 pm
You guys forgot another bad roommate... The never refilling the empty roll of toilet paper roommate
April 7th, 2009 at 06:13 pm
OK, I'm a dude that lived with 2 chicks. Sounds great, like three's company, right? WRONG! One girl was the "crunchy granola, hippy, vegan" type who would "borrow" my weed. The other was a straight up crack head which the hippy recruted as a roomate. At least the hippy paid the rent. Crack heads never have money, so it became my job to get rid of her.
And last but certainly not least, how much fucking toilet paper do you bitches really need to use!!! One roll lasts me over a month. I bought an 18 pack and 2 weeks later it was "my turn" to buy toilet paper again!
September 18th, 2009 at 10:31 am
I think chicks know of secret uses for toilet paper that men have yet to uncover. Dateline, or 20/20, needs to do a story on this all to common occurence. i'm convinced that there is some use for toilet paper we are missing.
September 24th, 2009 at 08:32 pm
18 for 2 weeks sounds about right. Sorry but us girls actually use it, that's why we don't have skid marks on our undies.
April 7th, 2009 at 07:18 pm
What about the roommate that leaves on the last day of the month with no notice, so you get stuck with the whole rent. I hate those kinds of bastards.
April 7th, 2009 at 07:59 pm
I had a roommate who thought she was my mommy, she'd always be asking me if I was going out that night and how late I'd be out and the next morning she'd ask how late I was out the night before. She also tried to tell me I couldn't have friends over because she didn't like them. She was a slob and she turned my living room into a zoo, kept bringing home ferrets and guinea pigs and never cleaned up after them so the entire apartment smelled like a zoo. I could go on forever about how much it sucked...I ended the lease after three months and it was a year lease.
April 7th, 2009 at 10:51 pm
I has a roommate in a share house who was lucky enough to be the holder of the lease. He thought this meant that he didn't have to pay any rent or bills...
He also ate all our food, claimed we were late paying rent when it had already been paid, alcoholic, and smack user, always wanted to be around when we were having friends over despite the fact we all obviously thought he was a tool. If THAT wasn't great enough we had some dectectives show up on the front door asking a lot of questions about him. It was then we discovered he was being investigated for a rape/murder and was refusing to give DNA to clear his name...
Yeah, we moved out.
April 8th, 2009 at 08:26 am
I never had a roommate. I live in a mansion. All of you guys should have investment bankers for fathers, scum bags.
April 9th, 2009 at 03:38 am
I am your father.
April 13th, 2009 at 04:15 pm
Hayden Christensen?
April 18th, 2009 at 05:23 am
surprise bitch, james earl jones
April 11th, 2009 at 02:18 am
Come now, we all know you don't know who your father is.
June 5th, 2009 at 10:32 pm
Oh it NEVER FAILS...There always has to one in the crowd! Without "DADDY" you probably coundn't make it a week on your own, you arrogant ASSHOLE!
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