A good roommate can be a great way to keep you company and help split the cost of rent. A bad roommate, on the other hand, is like a case of AIDS. He or she can take away your freedom, independence and ultimately, your will to live, until you are a shell of the person you once were. Here are the nine worst.
9. The Deadbeat
The first of every month this guy is like a broken record, "Hey man...yeah, so, like, my company...they, like, forgot to pay me. So I don't, like, have any money for, ya know, rent." And he says the same thing when the electric bill, cable bill, or any other bill needs paying. But somehow his total lack of cash doesn't stop him from going out four nights a week, while you're stuck eating Ramen noodles and dryer lint just to make ends meet. And whenever you try to explain to him that you can't always pay for his share, he gets offended, takes a communist stance, and says that if you were in the same position, he would totally help you out. But, unfortunately, Arby's doesn't plan to double his $13,000 salary anytime soon.
8. The Food Stealer
We’ve all taken food that didn’t belong to us at some point, but the Food Stealer is on an entirely different level. It’s as if they spent years in an early twentieth century orphanage, learning grifting and slight of hand techniques. If you ever happen to leave any of your food in a common area like “the fridge,” they’ll immediately eat all of it, and then when you ask them about it, they’ll act like a drug dealer being questioned by the cops about a murder.
YOU: So, did you see the Cheez-its that were in the cabinet?
THEM: Cheez-its?
YOU: Yeah, cheez-its, cheesy snacks, look kind of like wheat thins. You know what they are.
THEM: OH. Cheez-its. Nah, don’t know what happened to them.
YOU: But they were here earlier, and now they’re gone.
THEM: That’s unfortunate. Maybe they’re just missin’. (stare down between you and them)
YOU: Gah! I know you did it you son of a bitch!
7. The Party Guy
Every night this guy comes home at five in the morning, with a group of people that all look like the fourth picture in a twelve picture “Faces Of Meth” montage. If the sound of the music blasting doesn’t wake you up, the drunk woman stumbling in to your room and attempting to f*&k her boyfriend on the bed you’re sleeping on does. Inevitably you have to walk out into the living room, and turn down the music, and everyone looks at you like they’re a group of graduate students and you just told them you “don’t really care for Arrested Development.” You tell your roommate you have to be up in two hours, and they’re like “Oh, no way, okay, totally sorry. We’ll turn this down.” Then you head back to your room, and you clearly hear through the wall, your roommate saying “just wait like two minutes and then we’ll pump that shit up again.”
6. The Borrower
They borrow everything from you, and either lose it or use it for something it wasn’t supposed to be used for, leaving you saying things like “It’s cool you borrowed my copy of Shawshank Redemption, but I’d rather you didn’t use it to hold up your dresser. It’s not really a load bearing DVD.” You don’t want to look like an asshole, but before you know it, you’re gingerly asking them to BORROW BACK the things you lent them. “Hey man, I was wondering if I could grab that toothpaste back from you, just cause I ran out of mine. As soon as I buy new toothpaste, I’ll bring it right back.” “Hmmm, I kind of need it tonight and there’s not much left.” “Okay, cool, no worries.”
5. The Gamer
Everyone likes to kick back and blow off some steam and playing video games. But nothing is more annyoing than sharing an apartment's only television with someone who's surgically attached to his Xbox and/or PS3. Because the only thing lamer than always playing video games, is having to watch someone always play video games. The problem is, hardcore gamers don't sleep, or seem to have regular jobs. Which means you're getting woken up by him screaming into a headset at a seven-year-old in Poland about how his Warlock totally annihilated by his cleric. Or when you get home from work and you just want to watch some mindless TV, but he's playing Madden by himself so he can "practice running up the middle. Or when you just want to watch the Super Bowl and he "Needs to get to this one last level of Call of Duty so I can save it. Can you listen to the first half on the radio? I'm sure it's online somewhere."
4. Couch Potato
Remember how you used to like sitting on your couch? Remember how it used to not smell like rotten guacamole? Remember when it wasn’t covered in what looks like various dried bodily fluids and sweat stains? Well those days are over, now that you’re living with a Couch Potato. The Couch Potato roommate is usually a combo roommate, meaning that the Couch Potato will most likely also be The Gamer, The Dead Beat, or (worst of all) The Guy Who’s Girlfriend is Always Over. Either way, this couch is his new home, and there’s no moving him once he’s established it as his territory. Your best plan of action now is to position a garbage can nearby, get a fresh bottle of Febreeze, and learn to like Law & Order (all of them), because he who controls the couch controls the television, and that SVU shit is like Couch Potato heroin.
3.The Guy Whose Girlfriend Is Always Over
When you're roommate is in a relationship, it's like you're in a relationship, too. Except you only get the shit parts of having a girlfriend. You're always hanging out with her, she's eating your food and she's taking up your spot on the couch, but you don't get to have sex with her. And somehow, you end up watching Grey's Anatomy because she wants to because you're roommate wants to watch it because he wants to keep having sex with her.
2. The Slob
After the slob is done cooking, your kitchen looks like someone raped a barbecue chicken sandwich.Every time you walk past their bathroom, it smells like a baby shit on top of a copy of the New York times, then died.Every time you ask them to clean up, they respond with picking up something and moving it somewhere else, then look at you to see what your response will be like they’re playing chess for the first time and want to make sure they moved the knight correctly.The apartment gets messier and messier, until the only way the apartment could get any dirtier, is if it f*&ked strangers for money.That’s when you realize you’ve lost the battle, and start laughing when your roommate blows his nose on a pair of basketball shorts he found stuffed inside your silverware drawer.
1.Mr. Anal Retentive
Maybe this person was raised in a strict household. Maybe at some point they were thrown into the back of a garbage truck, and they’ve been freaked out by messiness ever since. Freud would say that at some point in their childhood they had to hold in a huge dump, and that magically turned into obsessive-compulsive disorder. Whatever the reasoning, there are some people who are anal retentive neat-freaks, and this can translate into a roommate nightmare. To compound the issue, most anal-retentive people are passive aggressive, so they won’t express frustration and resentment over having to wash your two dirty dishes in the sink to satisfy their twisted psychological disorder. After about 7 months, though, all of their frustration will build into a repressed volcano of bitter rage, and eventually they will go ballistic over something completely inane, leaving you to calm the situation down by saying something like “Dude. Sorry, I didn’t know we had separate sponges for the dishes and the counter.” Unfortunately, you’ll still have five months left on your one-year lease. Good luck with that.
I am in the military and I live in a barracks room. Our room is separated by a thin sheet of plywood and we share a bathroom/kitchen.
On to my story:
I had this one black guy for a roommate. He and I got along and based on what I often heard while he talked on the phone, he was involved in alot of community work for under-priviledged kids...so I kinda admired him in that respects.
He however had three major problems I particularly didn't care for...and has changed the way I deal with my constantly-changing room mates now and forever..
1. He was very loud and often disrespectful. I listen to music infront of my computer all day while I study or do my art stuff so I rarely hear him during the day. BUT he would continue to be loud even after lights out! I repeatively told him to be quiet but eventually he just started asking me "What are you gonna do?"
2. He was a slob. He belongs to a different "command" then I, and I would get my common areas (kitchen/bathroom) inspected atleast twice a week! I found constant room failures littering my neat clean-smelling bed because of my common areas. When I approached him about it he once again smirked, "What are you gonna do?"
3. He brought his girlfriend over and they would screw at any time of the day. She would leave a mess which he didn't ever clean all over the bathroom and was even more disrespecful then he was! She would stand up for him when I approached him about how much of an ass-hat he was while she was there, even though she didn't know what the hell we were talking about..NOR had any business in!
So after many warnings my command came to me and told me to get HIS command's information so they would talk to them and force him to start cleaning the common areas...since they didn't care about anything other then me passing my room inspections. The look on his face when I practically forced him to give me the info was spectacular! His girlfriend started to cry...I will never forget those delicious tears.
When I told them about his girl they flipped and he got into major trouble with his command!
No more then two days after they talked to his command, his command had decided just to move him to a different room! Hold assholes like this to being responsable and clean, and they would much rather move out then deal with it!! I was amazed!
Now my roommates are all new guys right out of boot camp and are still afraid to do anything...so I get lots of sleep at night and a clean room!
Snitches get stitches, but being owned by the US government makes you truely appreciate how little control you have over your own life..as he quickly discovered when he found himself conforming to MY expectations without his consent! (for two days atleast)
So yeah, I don't know where I was going with this.
Don't forget The Roommate Who's Face is Surgically Attached to the Phone.
Sadly we were trapped in a single dormroom, and so I got to listen to all the (oh so very) intimate details of her relationship. In between the crying and arguing and the cheating and the epic drama of his heroin addiction. You'd think she might leave the room to seek out some privacy for those conversations, but nooope.
I'm kind of like the food 'borrower', or a mixture of the food staler and the borrower. I steal me roommate's food, then act like it was my food, then fight with my roommate, then we make up. Then this cycle continues until my roommate gets pissed off and kicks me out.
I'm "the girlfriend that's always over". That said, my boyfriend's last roommate was a combination of the gamer, the slob, and one you forgot, the chronic masturbator. The dorm was tiny so when he'd lay in bed and beat off, anyone in the room was only a few feet away...
The Plus One:
One of my roommates decided to let her friend stay with us "just for like 2 weeks" because she was going through some kind of dilemma so I was like whatev cool, as long as she doesn't cause any problems. ONE MONTH LATER this chick is walking around with her boobs pretty much dragging and tracing lines in th carpet, eating my food, using the washer like 3 times a days, borrowing my clothes AND then had some type of skin disorder where she was basically shedding and covered in dark spots...I finally got the nerve to tell her she had to go.
Then comes the roommate I'm with now, I call her:
The Don't Leave Me:
She basically hates when I leave, goes everywhere with me, and causes me to miss out on dates because she only wants to 'double date' and then when I decided to go on a date on my own she somehow either makes me feel bad or makes it seem like its a freaking competition. Ugh and it gets worse, when she finally gets to go on a date she doesn't hesitate to tell me that she's going alone. UGH my life is slowly becoming this girls playground.
me and my friend/former roommate joe were gamers but we knew when to stop we also had our girlfriends over alot or in joes case his 3 girlfriends. we always had the rent share and acctually did work. God those were happy times
One who is all the things above and then some, but will readily carry on if you put one toe out of their line of expectations.
I Once had one who moved in after me. Then suddenly by sucking up to the owner she had lease. She then called it her house and I had to keep 'her house' clean and every other fucken thing, but then she could through big parties and not claen for a month or pay rent or any other shit. Then she did not like me standing up to her so she tried to kick me out.
I currently live with two house mates, one of which owns the house. I'm a guy (just to clarify), and I own the dog that lives at the house. I made sure it was fine to have the dog there before I decided to get one. So anyway, (much like Law and Order) these are their stories.
The 'Grand Poobah' - This guy owns the house. Well not really owns, but he's paying the loan. We got a dog for the house, and this was all cool to begin with. I look after the dog as best I can (anyone with a dog will know that they aren't just a feed and leave sort of pet, like a fish). But now he keeps getting all passive-aggressive and keeps hinting I should get rid of it. Fark that. I wouldn't have got it in the first place if I didn't intend on keeping it. I warned him that it wouldn't be easy. He's also a hypocrite, arrogant, and one of those people you get a continual feeling he's looking down his nose at you without actually having to say anything. It's that 'my s*&t doesn't stink' face you keep seeing. The judgemental 'you should live the way I do, and be the way I am, because I know best for everyone' type. You know, typical self-assured dumbs*&t.
The Other Guy - I'd say he's the best housemate I've had. So it's like a bitter-sweet sort of thing going on.
Before this, I lived with 3 chicks. Sweet as, you think? HELLLL NO SON!!! It was like an A-Bomb surrounded by turds, garbage and tampons was let off in the house. Not to mention when one was pissy, they all were, and being the only guy it was like being raped in the arse without actually being penetrated. Lesson? DON'T EVER LIVE WITH JUST CHICKS (unless you're rooting all of them. Constantly. And not paying rent. ;P)
I'd really like tips on how to get across to the Grand Poobah that he's an arrogant fuck who needs to worry about his own life before telling other people how to live theirs, but I'd like to be able to make it sound subtle and passive-aggressive like he would.
he sees himself as everyones father figure ?
If your on a good deal with everything else, just ride with his BS until you have the means to move out. Do'nt build up any sort of friendship with the guy or you'll end up just getting on eachothers nerves.
Let's see.
I have a room-mate that I share my actual bed room with that goes to bed at fucking 9 pm even though WE WORK THE SAME SHIFT AT THE SAME JOB so I'm wide awake and he's all TURN THE LIGHT OFF. Rage.
I have a room-mate that is a condescending prick. Every time I put in a DVD or play music, it's always "[blank] sucks. It's not what I like and I only like good things. Every thing you like sucks." Also he's a prick that says ignorant shit and cockblocks you constantly.
Then I have this guy who doesn't leave food or anything, just empty jugs. So nothing smells, its just a fucking lot of empty jugs around his desk. WTF, the recycling bin is like, 20 feet.
Anyways, the four of us are moving at the end of the month and the Jug Guy's GF is moving in too.
She practically fucking lives here.
She's one of those immature types that is super clingy and I wish she'd fucking die or suck my dick even though she's not hot.
i was the "couch potato" but i had a job, and payed 1/3 rent with 5 people in the apartment. it was MY fuckin couch, and they bitched about it a lot. funny part is, i sacrificed the second bedroom to the main complainers, because they were dating, and i felt like being nice and giving them privacy. then you had to deal with the older guy, who felt like he was responsible for you, and got mad if you slept in a little too late. ooooooo i slept in till 3 in the afternoon! fuck you, guy. they would have unplanned parties ALL the fuckin time, and the one time i have one, i have to do the dishes for a week, because they didnt appreciate "all the people". wtf? free booze for you, bachelor party for my older brother. unappreciative bastards. i bought food for the first 3 months, and no one else bought food. so they would eat all the food and wonder why i got mad when a months worth would disappear in a week. i would only live with ONE of them ever again, but he has a really hard time holding a job. one of the most badass people i ever met, though.
I find that as a girl, living with other girls is the worst possible situation EVER. The majority of girls tend to be anal retentive types but then we have to deal with such sterling examples of mental health like The Drama Queen, The Cat Lover (*everything* has a kitten pasted on it), The Health Nut/Fitness Junkie, The Crying Girl & The Dater Of Douchebags (who always, always turns into The Crying Girl). They all bitch about you behind your back. Plus they'll all steal your shoes/clothes/makeup/boyfriend if they get the chance.
Most dudes are more well adjusted than we girls give them credit for. Sure they tend to be a little slobbish but you'd be surprised how many of them start to pick up their shit when a girl moves in. Right now I live with 2 guys - I cook dinner for everyone once a week & then they do boy things around the house (fix broken things/lift heavy stuff/look at my car/move furniture) so it works out to be a pretty good deal for us all. Plus I'm a bit of a gamer so I always have someone to play with
Heres one that tops the list. Background, Italian with gangster roots. House potato. Sells drugs out of your dads house which we were renting to pay for his nacho supreme delivery habit. Alcoholic. Occasionally has gangster related meetings at the house. Slob. Brings former drug addicts in for storytime and entertainment. Lie-o-phile, deny-o-phile, steals 20 pairs of your work socks to jack-off into, and says "don't go into my closet" after he moves out. Well I had to because of the smell that was consuming the whole house. "Hey these are my socks!" Well I took 20 pairs of his socks as payment, after I washed them six times.
Oh yea, hid drugs in my car when we were going out to our favorite restaraunt. I get pulled over for not signaling long enough, and play it cool because i didn't know the drugs were there. The cops identify my friend and minutes later another four police arrive. The head policeman asks "do you have any piles of cash in your car?" They found the drugs. Long story short, have a good lawyer on speed dial, which my friend did, and bada-boom bada-bing we were let off with a traffic violation.
After a drinking binge over the holidays I had to let him go. He wasn't taking care of himself. Who is this guy? My best freaking friend.
How about "married guy who neglects his wife and abuses his two baby daughters". Straightforward, sure, but that's how I learned never to rent a room in a house that's located in front of a trailer park. You wouldn't think one would need to learn this lesson by experience, but some of us are thicker skulled than the rest.
Lucky me...my guy roommate is none of these types. Great guy...quiet, always pays rent, doesn't get pissy when I skip the dishes until morning, let me put pin-up girls in the bathroom....
You know what's funny? Every single one of us is or has been at least a little bit of at least one of these in our lifetime. I know some of my past roommates would call me anal-retentive, and I probably am a little bit - I just don't like old food on the countertops or pubic hair on top of the toilet tank. Call me crazy. Anyway, I think most roommates fall into one or more of these categories, just not anywhere near as extreme as what's described here. Although my current roomie is getting dangerously close to being a full-time #3 - his annoying goofy-ass girlfriend lives an hour away, so when she comes over she's here for two or three days straight. Which might be fine if they ever left the house to do anything, but they never go anywhere - they just watch TV, sing karaoke (yes, it's true - I wish I were making that up, but I'm not), eat, occupy the bathroom for long stretches and destroy the entire fucking kitchen every time they make a bowl of Top Ramen. But at least they're quiet when they screw and I don't have to hear them. I guess there's that.
had a house mate grossed out by hair in bathroom sink, shower etc. Dry retched when he found his G'frinds head hair on toothbrush!!! But he hell did love to eat pussy?? WTF
I live with 2 other girls, I'm not a slob, I clean up after myself and do my share of the housework. But my housemates often suddenly decide that they are going to clean half the house and then get angry that I haven't done any cleaning that day and bitch about it. Well sorry, but I was at work and haven't had a day off in 2 weeks, while you've been sitting on your ass doing nothing for the past 2 weeks!
What is it about girls that they can't co-exist for longer than half an hour without wanting to kill one another? They're like cats. Judgmental, passive aggressive, overreacting to every little imagined slight. I have yet to meet a woman who hasn't told me "I get along with guys so much better". I'm honestly asking what the deal is with the female gender. Anybody know?
I don't know, I've had other female roommates for years and there was only one I had an issue with, and it was because she made racist jokes and comments to guests. It depends on the girls I think, like everything else, the personalities have to match. I happen to be a little laid back.
During my single days, I've lived with males as well as females in roommate situations.
While living with other males, I've observed that the cleanliness of the house would depend entirely on whether myself or my roommates had a GF at the time. In this case, those with a GF would likely become the anal-retentive(s) about keeping the place clean. If none of us had GFs at the time, the place would rapidly decend into the depths of disgusting.
While living with females, I've observed that my roommates (Three's Company Style), would be very helpful in keeping the common areas clean, but their rooms would be nasty as hell. So, with this said, as long as they kept their bathrooms/bedrooms closed from the rest of the house, they were tolerable.
I'll say this much though: When my roommates had a fallout with their current BFs, the ladies focused on their personal living spaces, so about every couple of months, spring cleaning would roll around for one or both of my roommates. One thing remained constant, though. The ladies' bathrooms were perpetually hellish.
Most recently, I roomed with a good friend of mine (male) and another roommate which was female. We all got along quite well, the bills were split equally and paid on time, but my roommates were perpetual slobs. Being the token anal-retentive, I found myself cleaning house often (mostly the kitchen only, since that was the only common area I used).
I've since moved out, have my own place now, and am much happier, not having to deal with other peoples' shit. If my place is a mess, it's my OWN damn fault. I have nicer things these days, and place a higher value on *keeping* my things nice, so I'm happier.
Everyone has their own comfort zone, but the trick isn't male or female, when it comes to choosing a roommate. Everyone has their own quirks. The thing you need to figure out is how will you HANDLE your roommate's quirks?
Lastly: Get EVERYTHING in writing. Roomie breaks a household covenant, give them the boot.
Omg WHat about the "Leaves Pubic Hair on the soap and other places in the bathroom" or instead of throwing their food away when they're done with it they leave half a plate of shit on the counter like someone's magically supposed to clean it all off for the douchebags.
Fuck yea I hear you, this is what my current roommate manages to pull off every single god damn time he takes a shower. Pubes all over the top of the toilet tank; I'd be surprised if he has any hair left on his nuts at all. I just started wiping it into the garbage can with his towel so I don't have to stare at it every time I take a leak. But the best story I ever heard was from a group of guys who had one roommate who wouldn't flush the toilet - as the story goes, after several attempts to solve this problem with talk, all three of the other roomies hatched a plan and carried it out one day when Mister Doesn't Flush wasn't home. He told me they got a bucket, took turns taking a shit in it, and then put it in the middle of his room with all the windows and door closed. Disgusting as fuck, but genius if you ask me.
every single person falls into one of those categories or a mixture of x amount of them. anal retentive is by far the worst in my mind. fuck its like walking on egg shells with those kind of people.
www.beatmate.ca
my old roommate had a bucket he liked to call the "dish bucket" where he let his dishes soak for days at a time. one time he decided to go on a week long road trip. after he promised me he would clean his shit up before he left, he left his dish bucket anyways. i put it in his room for the week he was gone and his room became mice infested.
I did the roommate thing for 15 years in many different places with all of the types listed above and then some. However, most of it was not an issue ever. In my 15 years of roommate experience there were always some unspoken rules and expectations that make roommate life bearable. Here they are: all bathrooming supplies that you wish to keep to yourself you keep in your room! Your personal food was always in a designated cupboard plus your own basket/box for fridge food. Label other foods that don't fit in your designated spaces so others know it is not for sharing. Unlabeled and out of place is a free for all! There would often be a shared cupboard where people put things like tea, coffee etc that is for sharing especially with household guests. Always wash your own messes right away. TV was never an issue in my experiences as most places I lived never bothered getting cable and not being much of TV person I didn't care. I suppose the couch potato was never much of a problem as all my roomies were pretty active outdoorsy types. The most unlikely types of people can manage living in the same space following these simple rules.
Thanks for this list it was fun to read and reminisce.
HA! Obviously you have never had roommates like mine!! messy, stinky, no sense of personal hygiene, let alone how much garbage they sit in 24-7 in the living room. Lets not even mention there room, and the smells coming from the room, as well as the living room. There cat is nasty and mean. They are passive aggressive, play video games all day, and ALL night! When they feel like throwing gamer parties, they don't tell me anyone is coming over.
They are a married couple. The wife spent over one year unemployed, and played video games instead of looking for work, or even leaving the house. She coughs like she is hacking up a lung and there is not enough insulation on my walls to shield these annoying sounds.
If I do not take out the garbage, it will just pile up for months, and they will deny that it smells, or that it's even a mess. They leave the screen door open so there precious little monster (evil cat), can go in and out when it pleases. However, I am apparently the only one who sees all the flies and other bugs coming in as a result.
I have tried to make rules just so we can live in peace and harmony...but no, apparently asking for garbage to be picked up is to much to ask.
Until you have had roommates like this, you cannot say that just setting a few guidelines will fix anything ;)
oh, and they reward there cat (in front of me) for beating up my cat! gotta love it!
oh, and some people did not believe me, so I had to make a video. So I KNOW I am not crazy, just being taken advantage of!
Sounds like you need to get a backbone! I may fall into the number 1 category but I prefer to think of it as moderating proper behavior ;) If your roommates are really as awful as you say then you need to put your foot down either get them to shape up or ship out!
For the one who said simple guidelines will solve anything... not possible. Setting guidelines and getting sloppy people to follow them are two different things. By your philosophy, the fact that we have laws should mean there is never any crime.
he didn't say that simply setting the guidelines would solve everything. actually following them is what matters. same with the law, the hard part is getting everyone to obey the laws, it only takes that one roommate who doesn't listen to make it a miserable time for everyone involved.
Don't forget the Norman Fucking Bates/single White female roomate who develops an unhealthy obsession with you and stares at you out the bathroom window as you drive away to go to work in the morning because you skillfully waited in your room until they went to take a shower then ran out as fast as you could to avoid them. And who cracks open your door at 2 in the afternoon while your hanging out in your underwear with your girlfriend with two wine glasses in his hand asking if you'd like something to drink. Or whose door is closed when you get up and go to the bathroom but is open when you come out and they're sitting on the edge of the bed trying to look casual. Or who makes you start worrying they'll stab you in a jealous rage one random night...good times...
(305 Comments)
Twitter
Holy Taco Goes to the Bahamas
October 14th, 2009 at 01:14 pm
pretty sure he was kidding, calm down hoss.
April 8th, 2009 at 10:17 am
The Naked Room mate.
We all know someone who has one.
April 8th, 2009 at 02:17 pm
Im gay.
April 8th, 2009 at 11:46 pm
thats nice. im straight.
April 9th, 2009 at 03:37 am
Wanna play grabass?
June 3rd, 2009 at 06:15 pm
How about a little game called hide the drum stick?
...And I am talking about a turkey leg..
April 8th, 2009 at 04:51 pm
I am in the military and I live in a barracks room. Our room is separated by a thin sheet of plywood and we share a bathroom/kitchen.
On to my story:
I had this one black guy for a roommate. He and I got along and based on what I often heard while he talked on the phone, he was involved in alot of community work for under-priviledged kids...so I kinda admired him in that respects.
He however had three major problems I particularly didn't care for...and has changed the way I deal with my constantly-changing room mates now and forever..
1. He was very loud and often disrespectful. I listen to music infront of my computer all day while I study or do my art stuff so I rarely hear him during the day. BUT he would continue to be loud even after lights out! I repeatively told him to be quiet but eventually he just started asking me "What are you gonna do?"
2. He was a slob. He belongs to a different "command" then I, and I would get my common areas (kitchen/bathroom) inspected atleast twice a week! I found constant room failures littering my neat clean-smelling bed because of my common areas. When I approached him about it he once again smirked, "What are you gonna do?"
3. He brought his girlfriend over and they would screw at any time of the day. She would leave a mess which he didn't ever clean all over the bathroom and was even more disrespecful then he was! She would stand up for him when I approached him about how much of an ass-hat he was while she was there, even though she didn't know what the hell we were talking about..NOR had any business in!
So after many warnings my command came to me and told me to get HIS command's information so they would talk to them and force him to start cleaning the common areas...since they didn't care about anything other then me passing my room inspections. The look on his face when I practically forced him to give me the info was spectacular! His girlfriend started to cry...I will never forget those delicious tears.
When I told them about his girl they flipped and he got into major trouble with his command!
No more then two days after they talked to his command, his command had decided just to move him to a different room! Hold assholes like this to being responsable and clean, and they would much rather move out then deal with it!! I was amazed!
Now my roommates are all new guys right out of boot camp and are still afraid to do anything...so I get lots of sleep at night and a clean room!
Snitches get stitches, but being owned by the US government makes you truely appreciate how little control you have over your own life..as he quickly discovered when he found himself conforming to MY expectations without his consent! (for two days atleast)
So yeah, I don't know where I was going with this.
April 8th, 2009 at 10:13 pm
Don't forget The Roommate Who's Face is Surgically Attached to the Phone.
Sadly we were trapped in a single dormroom, and so I got to listen to all the (oh so very) intimate details of her relationship. In between the crying and arguing and the cheating and the epic drama of his heroin addiction. You'd think she might leave the room to seek out some privacy for those conversations, but nooope.
April 9th, 2009 at 06:19 am
I'm kind of like the food 'borrower', or a mixture of the food staler and the borrower. I steal me roommate's food, then act like it was my food, then fight with my roommate, then we make up. Then this cycle continues until my roommate gets pissed off and kicks me out.
April 16th, 2009 at 05:29 am
love your work man !
April 9th, 2009 at 07:06 pm
I'm "the girlfriend that's always over". That said, my boyfriend's last roommate was a combination of the gamer, the slob, and one you forgot, the chronic masturbator. The dorm was tiny so when he'd lay in bed and beat off, anyone in the room was only a few feet away...
April 16th, 2009 at 05:22 am
I know, I heard him too. You guys were in the very next trailer.
April 9th, 2009 at 08:15 pm
I had a few bad roommates.
The Plus One:
One of my roommates decided to let her friend stay with us "just for like 2 weeks" because she was going through some kind of dilemma so I was like whatev cool, as long as she doesn't cause any problems. ONE MONTH LATER this chick is walking around with her boobs pretty much dragging and tracing lines in th carpet, eating my food, using the washer like 3 times a days, borrowing my clothes AND then had some type of skin disorder where she was basically shedding and covered in dark spots...I finally got the nerve to tell her she had to go.
Then comes the roommate I'm with now, I call her:
The Don't Leave Me:
She basically hates when I leave, goes everywhere with me, and causes me to miss out on dates because she only wants to 'double date' and then when I decided to go on a date on my own she somehow either makes me feel bad or makes it seem like its a freaking competition. Ugh and it gets worse, when she finally gets to go on a date she doesn't hesitate to tell me that she's going alone. UGH my life is slowly becoming this girls playground.
April 9th, 2009 at 09:36 pm
me and my friend/former roommate joe were gamers but we knew when to stop we also had our girlfriends over alot or in joes case his 3 girlfriends. we always had the rent share and acctually did work. God those were happy times
April 9th, 2009 at 11:06 pm
you forgot the nosey roommate who looks through all your shit the minute you leave.
April 10th, 2009 at 12:38 am
The Worst room mate is the fucking Hipocryte.
One who is all the things above and then some, but will readily carry on if you put one toe out of their line of expectations.
I Once had one who moved in after me. Then suddenly by sucking up to the owner she had lease. She then called it her house and I had to keep 'her house' clean and every other fucken thing, but then she could through big parties and not claen for a month or pay rent or any other shit. Then she did not like me standing up to her so she tried to kick me out.
April 11th, 2009 at 10:36 am
I currently live with two house mates, one of which owns the house. I'm a guy (just to clarify), and I own the dog that lives at the house. I made sure it was fine to have the dog there before I decided to get one. So anyway, (much like Law and Order) these are their stories.
The 'Grand Poobah' - This guy owns the house. Well not really owns, but he's paying the loan. We got a dog for the house, and this was all cool to begin with. I look after the dog as best I can (anyone with a dog will know that they aren't just a feed and leave sort of pet, like a fish). But now he keeps getting all passive-aggressive and keeps hinting I should get rid of it. Fark that. I wouldn't have got it in the first place if I didn't intend on keeping it. I warned him that it wouldn't be easy. He's also a hypocrite, arrogant, and one of those people you get a continual feeling he's looking down his nose at you without actually having to say anything. It's that 'my s*&t doesn't stink' face you keep seeing. The judgemental 'you should live the way I do, and be the way I am, because I know best for everyone' type. You know, typical self-assured dumbs*&t.
The Other Guy - I'd say he's the best housemate I've had. So it's like a bitter-sweet sort of thing going on.
Before this, I lived with 3 chicks. Sweet as, you think? HELLLL NO SON!!! It was like an A-Bomb surrounded by turds, garbage and tampons was let off in the house. Not to mention when one was pissy, they all were, and being the only guy it was like being raped in the arse without actually being penetrated. Lesson? DON'T EVER LIVE WITH JUST CHICKS (unless you're rooting all of them. Constantly. And not paying rent. ;P)
I'd really like tips on how to get across to the Grand Poobah that he's an arrogant fuck who needs to worry about his own life before telling other people how to live theirs, but I'd like to be able to make it sound subtle and passive-aggressive like he would.
April 16th, 2009 at 05:21 am
he sees himself as everyones father figure ?
If your on a good deal with everything else, just ride with his BS until you have the means to move out. Do'nt build up any sort of friendship with the guy or you'll end up just getting on eachothers nerves.
April 12th, 2009 at 04:49 am
Let's see.
I have a room-mate that I share my actual bed room with that goes to bed at fucking 9 pm even though WE WORK THE SAME SHIFT AT THE SAME JOB so I'm wide awake and he's all TURN THE LIGHT OFF. Rage.
I have a room-mate that is a condescending prick. Every time I put in a DVD or play music, it's always "[blank] sucks. It's not what I like and I only like good things. Every thing you like sucks." Also he's a prick that says ignorant shit and cockblocks you constantly.
Then I have this guy who doesn't leave food or anything, just empty jugs. So nothing smells, its just a fucking lot of empty jugs around his desk. WTF, the recycling bin is like, 20 feet.
Anyways, the four of us are moving at the end of the month and the Jug Guy's GF is moving in too.
She practically fucking lives here.
She's one of those immature types that is super clingy and I wish she'd fucking die or suck my dick even though she's not hot.
I did see her tits though.
Win.
April 12th, 2009 at 08:38 am
i was the "couch potato" but i had a job, and payed 1/3 rent with 5 people in the apartment. it was MY fuckin couch, and they bitched about it a lot. funny part is, i sacrificed the second bedroom to the main complainers, because they were dating, and i felt like being nice and giving them privacy. then you had to deal with the older guy, who felt like he was responsible for you, and got mad if you slept in a little too late. ooooooo i slept in till 3 in the afternoon! fuck you, guy. they would have unplanned parties ALL the fuckin time, and the one time i have one, i have to do the dishes for a week, because they didnt appreciate "all the people". wtf? free booze for you, bachelor party for my older brother. unappreciative bastards. i bought food for the first 3 months, and no one else bought food. so they would eat all the food and wonder why i got mad when a months worth would disappear in a week. i would only live with ONE of them ever again, but he has a really hard time holding a job. one of the most badass people i ever met, though.
April 12th, 2009 at 05:57 pm
I find that as a girl, living with other girls is the worst possible situation EVER. The majority of girls tend to be anal retentive types but then we have to deal with such sterling examples of mental health like The Drama Queen, The Cat Lover (*everything* has a kitten pasted on it), The Health Nut/Fitness Junkie, The Crying Girl & The Dater Of Douchebags (who always, always turns into The Crying Girl). They all bitch about you behind your back. Plus they'll all steal your shoes/clothes/makeup/boyfriend if they get the chance.
Most dudes are more well adjusted than we girls give them credit for. Sure they tend to be a little slobbish but you'd be surprised how many of them start to pick up their shit when a girl moves in. Right now I live with 2 guys - I cook dinner for everyone once a week & then they do boy things around the house (fix broken things/lift heavy stuff/look at my car/move furniture) so it works out to be a pretty good deal for us all. Plus I'm a bit of a gamer so I always have someone to play with
June 4th, 2009 at 02:16 pm
You are the perfect roommate.
July 9th, 2009 at 03:34 pm
lol, look at my car
April 12th, 2009 at 10:26 pm
Heres one that tops the list. Background, Italian with gangster roots. House potato. Sells drugs out of your dads house which we were renting to pay for his nacho supreme delivery habit. Alcoholic. Occasionally has gangster related meetings at the house. Slob. Brings former drug addicts in for storytime and entertainment. Lie-o-phile, deny-o-phile, steals 20 pairs of your work socks to jack-off into, and says "don't go into my closet" after he moves out. Well I had to because of the smell that was consuming the whole house. "Hey these are my socks!" Well I took 20 pairs of his socks as payment, after I washed them six times.
Oh yea, hid drugs in my car when we were going out to our favorite restaraunt. I get pulled over for not signaling long enough, and play it cool because i didn't know the drugs were there. The cops identify my friend and minutes later another four police arrive. The head policeman asks "do you have any piles of cash in your car?" They found the drugs. Long story short, have a good lawyer on speed dial, which my friend did, and bada-boom bada-bing we were let off with a traffic violation.
After a drinking binge over the holidays I had to let him go. He wasn't taking care of himself. Who is this guy? My best freaking friend.
April 13th, 2009 at 03:17 pm
Hahahahahaaaa!
April 14th, 2009 at 01:26 am
How about "married guy who neglects his wife and abuses his two baby daughters". Straightforward, sure, but that's how I learned never to rent a room in a house that's located in front of a trailer park. You wouldn't think one would need to learn this lesson by experience, but some of us are thicker skulled than the rest.
April 14th, 2009 at 11:01 am
Lucky me...my guy roommate is none of these types. Great guy...quiet, always pays rent, doesn't get pissy when I skip the dishes until morning, let me put pin-up girls in the bathroom....
Guess I have it pretty good!
April 17th, 2009 at 02:01 am
I guess you re the shitty roommate! lol
April 15th, 2009 at 01:44 am
You know what's funny? Every single one of us is or has been at least a little bit of at least one of these in our lifetime. I know some of my past roommates would call me anal-retentive, and I probably am a little bit - I just don't like old food on the countertops or pubic hair on top of the toilet tank. Call me crazy. Anyway, I think most roommates fall into one or more of these categories, just not anywhere near as extreme as what's described here. Although my current roomie is getting dangerously close to being a full-time #3 - his annoying goofy-ass girlfriend lives an hour away, so when she comes over she's here for two or three days straight. Which might be fine if they ever left the house to do anything, but they never go anywhere - they just watch TV, sing karaoke (yes, it's true - I wish I were making that up, but I'm not), eat, occupy the bathroom for long stretches and destroy the entire fucking kitchen every time they make a bowl of Top Ramen. But at least they're quiet when they screw and I don't have to hear them. I guess there's that.
April 15th, 2009 at 03:53 pm
still taking the worst roommate cake:
http://www.digitalfuntown.com/videos/151
April 16th, 2009 at 01:50 am
had a house mate grossed out by hair in bathroom sink, shower etc. Dry retched when he found his G'frinds head hair on toothbrush!!! But he hell did love to eat pussy?? WTF
April 16th, 2009 at 06:10 am
It's why I got a studio apartment. Problem solved. You can be your own worst roommate and no one gives a shit.
April 17th, 2009 at 10:01 am
I live with 2 other girls, I'm not a slob, I clean up after myself and do my share of the housework. But my housemates often suddenly decide that they are going to clean half the house and then get angry that I haven't done any cleaning that day and bitch about it. Well sorry, but I was at work and haven't had a day off in 2 weeks, while you've been sitting on your ass doing nothing for the past 2 weeks!
April 27th, 2009 at 10:40 pm
What is it about girls that they can't co-exist for longer than half an hour without wanting to kill one another? They're like cats. Judgmental, passive aggressive, overreacting to every little imagined slight. I have yet to meet a woman who hasn't told me "I get along with guys so much better". I'm honestly asking what the deal is with the female gender. Anybody know?
June 13th, 2009 at 10:08 pm
I don't know, I've had other female roommates for years and there was only one I had an issue with, and it was because she made racist jokes and comments to guests. It depends on the girls I think, like everything else, the personalities have to match. I happen to be a little laid back.
November 16th, 2009 at 09:04 am
During my single days, I've lived with males as well as females in roommate situations.
While living with other males, I've observed that the cleanliness of the house would depend entirely on whether myself or my roommates had a GF at the time. In this case, those with a GF would likely become the anal-retentive(s) about keeping the place clean. If none of us had GFs at the time, the place would rapidly decend into the depths of disgusting.
While living with females, I've observed that my roommates (Three's Company Style), would be very helpful in keeping the common areas clean, but their rooms would be nasty as hell. So, with this said, as long as they kept their bathrooms/bedrooms closed from the rest of the house, they were tolerable.
I'll say this much though: When my roommates had a fallout with their current BFs, the ladies focused on their personal living spaces, so about every couple of months, spring cleaning would roll around for one or both of my roommates. One thing remained constant, though. The ladies' bathrooms were perpetually hellish.
Most recently, I roomed with a good friend of mine (male) and another roommate which was female. We all got along quite well, the bills were split equally and paid on time, but my roommates were perpetual slobs. Being the token anal-retentive, I found myself cleaning house often (mostly the kitchen only, since that was the only common area I used).
I've since moved out, have my own place now, and am much happier, not having to deal with other peoples' shit. If my place is a mess, it's my OWN damn fault. I have nicer things these days, and place a higher value on *keeping* my things nice, so I'm happier.
Everyone has their own comfort zone, but the trick isn't male or female, when it comes to choosing a roommate. Everyone has their own quirks. The thing you need to figure out is how will you HANDLE your roommate's quirks?
Lastly: Get EVERYTHING in writing. Roomie breaks a household covenant, give them the boot.
April 18th, 2009 at 11:59 am
Good roomates are hard to find...thats for sure!
Check out this great site. Learn spanish Free.
http://www.learnspanishpro.com
April 19th, 2009 at 03:21 pm
Omg WHat about the "Leaves Pubic Hair on the soap and other places in the bathroom" or instead of throwing their food away when they're done with it they leave half a plate of shit on the counter like someone's magically supposed to clean it all off for the douchebags.
April 27th, 2009 at 10:36 pm
Fuck yea I hear you, this is what my current roommate manages to pull off every single god damn time he takes a shower. Pubes all over the top of the toilet tank; I'd be surprised if he has any hair left on his nuts at all. I just started wiping it into the garbage can with his towel so I don't have to stare at it every time I take a leak. But the best story I ever heard was from a group of guys who had one roommate who wouldn't flush the toilet - as the story goes, after several attempts to solve this problem with talk, all three of the other roomies hatched a plan and carried it out one day when Mister Doesn't Flush wasn't home. He told me they got a bucket, took turns taking a shit in it, and then put it in the middle of his room with all the windows and door closed. Disgusting as fuck, but genius if you ask me.
April 21st, 2009 at 10:16 am
every single person falls into one of those categories or a mixture of x amount of them. anal retentive is by far the worst in my mind. fuck its like walking on egg shells with those kind of people.
www.beatmate.ca
April 21st, 2009 at 06:52 pm
Well, my roommate falls into about 7 of these categories...worst roommate in the history of roommates
April 21st, 2009 at 07:58 pm
my old roommate had a bucket he liked to call the "dish bucket" where he let his dishes soak for days at a time. one time he decided to go on a week long road trip. after he promised me he would clean his shit up before he left, he left his dish bucket anyways. i put it in his room for the week he was gone and his room became mice infested.
April 22nd, 2009 at 05:41 am
I live with Mr. 9,8,6,5,4,3, and 2. They are all the same person. 4 more weeks...
April 22nd, 2009 at 10:17 am
I did the roommate thing for 15 years in many different places with all of the types listed above and then some. However, most of it was not an issue ever. In my 15 years of roommate experience there were always some unspoken rules and expectations that make roommate life bearable. Here they are: all bathrooming supplies that you wish to keep to yourself you keep in your room! Your personal food was always in a designated cupboard plus your own basket/box for fridge food. Label other foods that don't fit in your designated spaces so others know it is not for sharing. Unlabeled and out of place is a free for all! There would often be a shared cupboard where people put things like tea, coffee etc that is for sharing especially with household guests. Always wash your own messes right away. TV was never an issue in my experiences as most places I lived never bothered getting cable and not being much of TV person I didn't care. I suppose the couch potato was never much of a problem as all my roomies were pretty active outdoorsy types. The most unlikely types of people can manage living in the same space following these simple rules.
Thanks for this list it was fun to read and reminisce.
June 17th, 2009 at 01:34 pm
Booooooring.
July 10th, 2009 at 05:01 pm
HA! Obviously you have never had roommates like mine!! messy, stinky, no sense of personal hygiene, let alone how much garbage they sit in 24-7 in the living room. Lets not even mention there room, and the smells coming from the room, as well as the living room. There cat is nasty and mean. They are passive aggressive, play video games all day, and ALL night! When they feel like throwing gamer parties, they don't tell me anyone is coming over.
They are a married couple. The wife spent over one year unemployed, and played video games instead of looking for work, or even leaving the house. She coughs like she is hacking up a lung and there is not enough insulation on my walls to shield these annoying sounds.
If I do not take out the garbage, it will just pile up for months, and they will deny that it smells, or that it's even a mess. They leave the screen door open so there precious little monster (evil cat), can go in and out when it pleases. However, I am apparently the only one who sees all the flies and other bugs coming in as a result.
I have tried to make rules just so we can live in peace and harmony...but no, apparently asking for garbage to be picked up is to much to ask.
Until you have had roommates like this, you cannot say that just setting a few guidelines will fix anything ;)
oh, and they reward there cat (in front of me) for beating up my cat! gotta love it!
oh, and some people did not believe me, so I had to make a video. So I KNOW I am not crazy, just being taken advantage of!
July 19th, 2009 at 09:19 pm
Sounds like you need to get a backbone! I may fall into the number 1 category but I prefer to think of it as moderating proper behavior ;) If your roommates are really as awful as you say then you need to put your foot down either get them to shape up or ship out!
For the one who said simple guidelines will solve anything... not possible. Setting guidelines and getting sloppy people to follow them are two different things. By your philosophy, the fact that we have laws should mean there is never any crime.
October 14th, 2009 at 02:14 pm
he didn't say that simply setting the guidelines would solve everything. actually following them is what matters. same with the law, the hard part is getting everyone to obey the laws, it only takes that one roommate who doesn't listen to make it a miserable time for everyone involved.
May 24th, 2009 at 12:11 am
I am an extreme case of number 1 and my last roommate was a 2. To make a long story short, I was ready to dig a 6*3*6 ft. hole in the backyard. lol
May 29th, 2009 at 01:57 pm
Don't forget the Norman Fucking Bates/single White female roomate who develops an unhealthy obsession with you and stares at you out the bathroom window as you drive away to go to work in the morning because you skillfully waited in your room until they went to take a shower then ran out as fast as you could to avoid them. And who cracks open your door at 2 in the afternoon while your hanging out in your underwear with your girlfriend with two wine glasses in his hand asking if you'd like something to drink. Or whose door is closed when you get up and go to the bathroom but is open when you come out and they're sitting on the edge of the bed trying to look casual. Or who makes you start worrying they'll stab you in a jealous rage one random night...good times...
Post new comment