A good roommate can be a great way to keep you company and help split the cost of rent. A bad roommate, on the other hand, is like a case of AIDS. He or she can take away your freedom, independence and ultimately, your will to live, until you are a shell of the person you once were. Here are the nine worst.
9. The Deadbeat
The first of every month this guy is like a broken record, "Hey man...yeah, so, like, my company...they, like, forgot to pay me. So I don't, like, have any money for, ya know, rent." And he says the same thing when the electric bill, cable bill, or any other bill needs paying. But somehow his total lack of cash doesn't stop him from going out four nights a week, while you're stuck eating Ramen noodles and dryer lint just to make ends meet. And whenever you try to explain to him that you can't always pay for his share, he gets offended, takes a communist stance, and says that if you were in the same position, he would totally help you out. But, unfortunately, Arby's doesn't plan to double his $13,000 salary anytime soon.
8. The Food Stealer
We’ve all taken food that didn’t belong to us at some point, but the Food Stealer is on an entirely different level. It’s as if they spent years in an early twentieth century orphanage, learning grifting and slight of hand techniques. If you ever happen to leave any of your food in a common area like “the fridge,” they’ll immediately eat all of it, and then when you ask them about it, they’ll act like a drug dealer being questioned by the cops about a murder.
YOU: So, did you see the Cheez-its that were in the cabinet?
THEM: Cheez-its?
YOU: Yeah, cheez-its, cheesy snacks, look kind of like wheat thins. You know what they are.
THEM: OH. Cheez-its. Nah, don’t know what happened to them.
YOU: But they were here earlier, and now they’re gone.
THEM: That’s unfortunate. Maybe they’re just missin’. (stare down between you and them)
YOU: Gah! I know you did it you son of a bitch!
7. The Party Guy
Every night this guy comes home at five in the morning, with a group of people that all look like the fourth picture in a twelve picture “Faces Of Meth” montage. If the sound of the music blasting doesn’t wake you up, the drunk woman stumbling in to your room and attempting to f*&k her boyfriend on the bed you’re sleeping on does. Inevitably you have to walk out into the living room, and turn down the music, and everyone looks at you like they’re a group of graduate students and you just told them you “don’t really care for Arrested Development.” You tell your roommate you have to be up in two hours, and they’re like “Oh, no way, okay, totally sorry. We’ll turn this down.” Then you head back to your room, and you clearly hear through the wall, your roommate saying “just wait like two minutes and then we’ll pump that shit up again.”
6. The Borrower
They borrow everything from you, and either lose it or use it for something it wasn’t supposed to be used for, leaving you saying things like “It’s cool you borrowed my copy of Shawshank Redemption, but I’d rather you didn’t use it to hold up your dresser. It’s not really a load bearing DVD.” You don’t want to look like an asshole, but before you know it, you’re gingerly asking them to BORROW BACK the things you lent them. “Hey man, I was wondering if I could grab that toothpaste back from you, just cause I ran out of mine. As soon as I buy new toothpaste, I’ll bring it right back.” “Hmmm, I kind of need it tonight and there’s not much left.” “Okay, cool, no worries.”
5. The Gamer
Everyone likes to kick back and blow off some steam and playing video games. But nothing is more annyoing than sharing an apartment's only television with someone who's surgically attached to his Xbox and/or PS3. Because the only thing lamer than always playing video games, is having to watch someone always play video games. The problem is, hardcore gamers don't sleep, or seem to have regular jobs. Which means you're getting woken up by him screaming into a headset at a seven-year-old in Poland about how his Warlock totally annihilated by his cleric. Or when you get home from work and you just want to watch some mindless TV, but he's playing Madden by himself so he can "practice running up the middle. Or when you just want to watch the Super Bowl and he "Needs to get to this one last level of Call of Duty so I can save it. Can you listen to the first half on the radio? I'm sure it's online somewhere."
4. Couch Potato
Remember how you used to like sitting on your couch? Remember how it used to not smell like rotten guacamole? Remember when it wasn’t covered in what looks like various dried bodily fluids and sweat stains? Well those days are over, now that you’re living with a Couch Potato. The Couch Potato roommate is usually a combo roommate, meaning that the Couch Potato will most likely also be The Gamer, The Dead Beat, or (worst of all) The Guy Who’s Girlfriend is Always Over. Either way, this couch is his new home, and there’s no moving him once he’s established it as his territory. Your best plan of action now is to position a garbage can nearby, get a fresh bottle of Febreeze, and learn to like Law & Order (all of them), because he who controls the couch controls the television, and that SVU shit is like Couch Potato heroin.
3.The Guy Whose Girlfriend Is Always Over
When you're roommate is in a relationship, it's like you're in a relationship, too. Except you only get the shit parts of having a girlfriend. You're always hanging out with her, she's eating your food and she's taking up your spot on the couch, but you don't get to have sex with her. And somehow, you end up watching Grey's Anatomy because she wants to because you're roommate wants to watch it because he wants to keep having sex with her.
2. The Slob
After the slob is done cooking, your kitchen looks like someone raped a barbecue chicken sandwich.Every time you walk past their bathroom, it smells like a baby shit on top of a copy of the New York times, then died.Every time you ask them to clean up, they respond with picking up something and moving it somewhere else, then look at you to see what your response will be like they’re playing chess for the first time and want to make sure they moved the knight correctly.The apartment gets messier and messier, until the only way the apartment could get any dirtier, is if it f*&ked strangers for money.That’s when you realize you’ve lost the battle, and start laughing when your roommate blows his nose on a pair of basketball shorts he found stuffed inside your silverware drawer.
1.Mr. Anal Retentive
Maybe this person was raised in a strict household. Maybe at some point they were thrown into the back of a garbage truck, and they’ve been freaked out by messiness ever since. Freud would say that at some point in their childhood they had to hold in a huge dump, and that magically turned into obsessive-compulsive disorder. Whatever the reasoning, there are some people who are anal retentive neat-freaks, and this can translate into a roommate nightmare. To compound the issue, most anal-retentive people are passive aggressive, so they won’t express frustration and resentment over having to wash your two dirty dishes in the sink to satisfy their twisted psychological disorder. After about 7 months, though, all of their frustration will build into a repressed volcano of bitter rage, and eventually they will go ballistic over something completely inane, leaving you to calm the situation down by saying something like “Dude. Sorry, I didn’t know we had separate sponges for the dishes and the counter.” Unfortunately, you’ll still have five months left on your one-year lease. Good luck with that.
What about the best roomate "the ghost". One of my housemates in college I saw him the first week I was there then never again. Nevertheless the first of every month his share of rent and expenses was pinned to the bulletin board in the kitchen.
OMG my roommate is one of the worst i've ever had!! she's a absolute party animal always bringing people over drunk, she never cleans, and she always steals my food. if i didnt do any modeling on the side i would be dead broke and homeless. gah i need a new roommate and if you guys can help by looking at my show so i can get more ad money i would appreciate that!
The Air Traffic Controller: Phone talks,and narrates a loud text messages, e-mails etc. nearly non-stop. Takes breaks to tell you his and his friend's, and the friend's friends every move and recent development. Has regular "in-flight emergencies," again narrarated, that involve the reason why he has to use the shower, car, your money, etc. right now. And of course unasked for guidance, directions, and orders on what you need to do and when. Of course after all that stressful activity, do not dare disturb him when HE finally sleeps.
I've been #1 (the Anal Retentive one) - I used to clean our kitchen floor with a toothbrush! I didn't make my roommates do anything though at least...but I was crazy I admit. A half-full glass of juice on the counter would make me freak.
Justice was served when I had a roommate who after seeming normal for several months, went off his rocker and refused to throw out his pet iguana's rotting eggs...(they were in the iguana's cage). They really began to smell, it was disgusting.
Everytime I brought it up, he's get this weird glazed look in his eyes and say, "We must keep the eggs"...eventually I got his girlfriend to intercede and throw the $#@% things out!
This is a great article, but your missing one important roommate. The Campus Socialite. That's the college roommate that's always in the know, step above the rest, gets above average grades, goes to the gym, and has an entreprenurial spirit. Find out more about The Campus Socialite at http://www.TheCampusSocialite.com
my roommate last year was the naked roommate and she would always walk around without a top and sometimes without panties. i do some modeling and she wanted to get into it so she would try and impress me by walking around naked and stuff. the worst was when she had her one nighters and her guys would walk around with their dicks out and they would try and hit on me too!! OMG that was the worst seeing a guys crusty dick from last night trying to hit on me!! ugh i think i just threw up in my mouth!!
but she would do everything to look like me and act like me because she dyied her hair blond and got a ton of push up's to get her tits to look like mine. so after i got my internet series gig i told her that her moquitoe bites werent gonna get her anywhere and left for good. hopefully this gig can help me pay for rent cuz i kind of needed her for monetary reasons
I am an extreme case of number 1 and my last roommate was a 2. To make a long story short, I was ready to dig a 6*3*6 ft. hole in the backyard. lolChristian Louboutin Shoes
I used to have a roommate that was the deadbeat, the gamer, the couch potato, the food stealer, the "girl friend who was always over" roommate and the slob. It was horrible, he used to borrow things then put them away with his stuff, without asking. He never had money so he used all my stuff saying"i get payed in like 4 weeks and i should be getting a lot of money close to $1000, so ill pay you back. He never had a car either, so i had to drive him places. He would steal my food and the try to make up for it by buying 20 frozen dinners and saying that they weren't just for him, they were for everyone. And if i caught him getting ready to eat my food i told him no, and he would go tell my other roommate about "how mean i was to him", and if i had soda, it would be gone in about a day. He used my ps2 and TV all day, and when i would ask to use it he would get all defensive like i shouldn't be interrupting his gaming. then when he wasn't playing the games, he would pass out on the couch. he would also make messes, and never clean them. His excuse was he was never there. There would be mold on bowls and plates and he would keep food in his room then it would go bad and make his room stink. And when he would try to help clean he would just shove things in random places and i couldn't find them. Yet when i moved out he talked shit about how i was messy. He would walk off with random shit he had no use for and we would find them in his room a week later. he also managed to fill MY trashcan with MY trash bags up within about 5 hours too. i ended up having to hide the trashcan, so he just threw shit on the floor. I tried getting threw to him for over a year about his problems, i even emailed the student housing director about my problems, then she would talk to him and he would come home making me feel bad for saying shit about him.
Or what about The Victim? They're almost all of the above, except number one, but try to act like you're the bad guy. My girlfriend and I shared a flat with a girl I went to school with, and she was The Victim. She would use my good non-stick cookware with metal utensils and deny it, even though I'd have to throw them out and replace them. She ruined the pans my now-passed Grandmother left me. She brought her unbearable boyfriend over constantly, asked for loans, asked for us to watch her monster of a cat who chewed and clawed up all our furniture and urinated in our clean clothes basket while it was still warm from the dryer. Her cat collapsed the hood of our fish tank in and electrocuted all our fish, and she didn't pay for anything. Eventually she got upset with us because we were hogging the living space, even though a majority of her furniture was loaned to her by us. She stole my liquor, used all my cooking equipment, but hoarded all her food in her room in a little minifridge. She began stealing our food and moving it to her room, and even stole our glassware to put in her fridge so she could have a frosted glass for later, for her soda. My girlfriend and I no longer have roommates, no matter how much a hit our lifestyle has to take.
Man, I've had 9+3 and 8+2 at the same time before.
9+3 pretty much had her boyfriend move in because she needed his car, and she never had the rent money. I would pretty much throw her out until she went to the bank to get the rent, then she would slip it into my room so she didn't have to be around when I noticed she stiffed me $20 or so. Ended up kicking her out after three or so months.
8+2 was my best friend and one of the best guys I knew, until I lived with him. He sat at his computer every free second he had and just browsed 4chan. Often smelled like sour milk, and brought over nasty women who also smelled like sour milk and had babys... that smelled like sour milk and baby poop. He weighed 400+lbs (not being scarcastic) and would sneak food from the fridge that wasn't his, dispite the fact that he made twice as much money as me and our other room mate and had more food in the fridge. He would mark his food by writing his name on it but just eat ours. He also didn't do his own dishes for about a month at one point. I never kicked him out cause he paid his rent almost two weeks early every month, and I really needed the money. He ended up moving out on his own when his aunt was about to die and was leaving him a house that resembled a shed about to fall over. I'm sure he is very happy there.
Living with room mates has to be the shelter of the last resort. The worst for me was to go to take an early morning leak, to find a mate's tramp of the night lampoon in the toilet. But hey it wasn't bloody one.
When I was a freshman and moved on campus, I was in a triple with two other girls, which means three girls in ONE tiny room. One girl, who was also blonde and white, like myself, was cool and very nice, the other girl who was Jamaican, was racist against white blondes. It was very interesting with her passive-aggressive notes and denial of touching your things. One day, THREE HOURS before class started, she woke up and decided to spray the room down with ammonia-based cleaners, that was a fun morning. When I asked her if she could be a little less quiet, she screamed at me that no one respects her individuality to clean the room as she sees fit. I also liked her post-its that told myself and my other roommate that we're stupid bitches and she'll hurt us if we touched her stuff. My other roommate moved in with her boyfriend, I found another room...
Then, I moved in with one of my sorority sisters - bad idea. I'm a private person and I like to keep my relationships a bit to myself. She would have none of that - she would go through my stuff and pretend to be asleep when I would be on the phone. Then she would NEVER clean, so her side of the room was ALWAYS messy and decided that she didn't feel like hooking up her computer the ENTIRE year so she would use mine all the time, even when I had homework to do. She'd also use my computer to snoop and find stuff out about me that I apparently "kept a secrete from her".
I live in a house, with other people now and it's far better than any other experience I've had.
A chap I shared a flat with was so socially awkward he could only communicate via Post-It notes. One afternoon I opened the kitchen drawer to find every utensil wrapped in a yellow note reading 'Property of Chris Please Do Not Use'...I ignored this directive of course but gained some small modicum of revenge by placing a note of my own on the kitchen wall clock which read 'Property of Shenanigan Please Do Not Tell Time By'.
My roommate is my boyfriend's best friend of 11 years (boyfriend got an apartment so we could be together, lost my job in the process and am job-hunting like a madwoman), so the only way we could live together is if his friend moved in. For some ungodly reason, my boyfriend told his friend/our roommate "no rules" about a week before I moved in. So, now I get to clean up after an awkward, scrawny, slobby drunk 21 year old with the mind and cleaning habits of a child (do you know how awesome it feels to step on Doritos crumbs scattered all over the carpet, and then sit next to an unknown stain on the couch?). Surprisingly, he recently managed to get a girlfriend.
He's a nice guy and all, just not a tolerable roommate.
The "I'll deal drugs to underage girls in hopes of getting laid/photos to sell and keep bags of chemicals and weed hidden in the common bedroom closet?" room mate? He was also my boss and he lived on 2 liter bottles of Moutain Dew.
I got mysterious phone calls from detectives for awhile 'till I moved out and he got busted.
Then there was "Lonely/horny female room mate who would keep me - and on different nights my other 2 male roomies - up 'till 2 am telling us how lonely/horny she was but wouldn't think of allowing a mercy fuck from the guys she made listen to all her crap." room mate. She wasn't my type but we all could have gotten laid. Instead she became "crying girl" room mate and moved out.
And I've noticed a certain theme about ferrets...
I once had the ferret owning "I'll stage a daylight robbery of the apartment and the only thing missing will be the cash in your room." room mate. What a dick. He decided to become the girlfriend of the girl we roomed with and she finally kicked his deadbeat ass out.
The good times were the girlfriend who broke in, cleaned the house and left pink carnations everywhere. Then she came back at 2AM in nothing but a raincoat with a carnation between her teeth. God love her.
My new room mates are the anal retentive, the slob/gamer and the slob/deadbeat.
What about the "Gets pissed off because he just came home from working 12 hours and his house is filled with fucks he doesn't know so he shoots his gun off on the front porch" roomate? Oh wait that's me.
Instead of that picture listed under "The Borrower," a picture of my roommate in my clothes would have been perfect. In fact: a picture of my roomate in my boxers (what kind of guy wears other guys boxers?), my expensive brand name button down - with ink stains all over the place, trumped by a blazer, and flip flops. I'm happy to submit, maybe that would get him to stop??
Pure GENIUS......Reading this List of Virtue & Truth allowed me to escape my miserable sorry existence of a life for just a short moment in time similar to what it would be like to have sex with a hot girl you met in an alley but finding out it's actually a guy but saying screw it because who is going to know and it is really really dark in the room and girls wouldn't get on your bed even if they saw a 50 pound rat running by.....so what the hell. Keep up the good work Holy Taco!!
I guess I'm just lucky. I've had 3 roomates and there was never a problem. I would tell them the easy rules before they moved in, then type it up and have them sign it. I think having a large, long house helped because the acoustics are great. The boarders room is huge and has hook up for Satelitte TV and Internet and a bathroom. Out of all 3, there was never a Saturday that the rent wasn't on the counter. All 3 hated to leave....marriage, prison and moved in with girl friend was the reason.
How about the "I come home from the shittiest day at work to find multiple household items of mine broken and strewn about the house and crappy techno vibrating the entire apartment complex (sad realization it was coming from MY apartment) and URINE ALL OVER the bathroom floor (literally, did not even hit the toilet) and the roommate belligerently giggles on his bedroom floor when I confront him about the drunken mess he's made" roomie?
this unfortunately did not only happen once...and we only lived together for 2 or 3 months!
I second the vote that roommates never fall into one of these categories; they're always combo-deals. I got stuck with 2 slob-gamer-couch potatoes. Right when they'd come in the door, the computers went on, along with every light in the house and the TV & Stereo. Our electric bill was $500 a month. How, you ask? Because dip-shit mcgee would leave the oven on for hours after cooking pizza rolls while the AC was cranking full blast to try to compensate. I moved in with the guys to save money, but ended up losing more money than when I lived on my own. Trash everywhere. The odor that smacked you in the face when you walked in could strip paint off a ship. And they were always cussing at their computers. One was fat, really fat, and always smelled horrible, especially since he'd eat nothing but take-out pizza and junk food while sweating profusely. It always smelled like ballsack and gym socks.
On a positive note, the NEVER had girlfriends over (because they didn't HAVE girlfriends). And, they were on-time with the rent.
Unfortunately, one of the other roommies paid the rent, and we lumped-sum the money for all rent and bills to him. This sucked, too, because he never showed us the bills, only told us how much to pay him. After 2 months of paying more than I budgeted, I told him to show me the bills before I paid him, and that I would do the calculations to split it 3 ways. Turns out I was overpaying him on avg $50 and he was just pocketing it. Not maliciously, but he just didn't keep track of numbers and didn't realize it.
One of the worst living experiences of my life. I'd rather eat my pride and ask mom and dad if I could move back in before suffering through that shit again.
I've got it pretty bad now. I have 3 roomates, 2 that pay rent. 1 of those two is ok, he works hard, drinks hard, and goes to sleep. It would be nice if he cleaned more but whatever, he doesn't bother me. The other one on the other hand. This scumbag has been on unemployment for 14 months. Didn't think it was possible? Me neither, but it is. He sits on the couch all day, doesn't clean, pisses on the floor, and then has the audasity to say one word to me. Dude, just die already. It's not like he's disabled or too snobby to take a shit job, he can lift heavy shit, he can get a job, he just won't because he want's to keep abusing the system. He buys all the new video games, has every system, eats take out every night, is super obnoxious, bitches about whose turn it is to buy toilet paper and then spends...$1.50 on the cheapest shit the dollar store has. The worst part yet, he met some drug addict girl at a bar, brought her drunk ass home, banged her out. I should menton it was his first in 3 years, she hasn't left. it's been 5 months this homeless chick is living in our house not paying rent, taking up a space in the driveway forcing me to move cars whenever we want to get out, and using up the utilities. Please, does anyone know a place that has murder for hire. Oh yea, and their dumpster pets shit in the house twice a day.
They forgot the roomate who's ur old best friend that mooched off of u and told u that she was looking 4 a job but no one would hire her becuase she was half black and half white even if I was full black and still had a job . Than she stole from me and brought her druggie friends over the house when I was at work and broke every dam thing I had, and the next day she moved out leaveing a note that said I changed and I was a stuck up snob who wouldnt give her any chances! If I see that girl again I swear thats the day I'll be going to jail!
but whatever I'll get my revenge...
trust me, I'll get my revenge ^___^
My old roommate is a combo of the first 6 all put together. When I moved out he had been telling me for a month plus that he was looking for a job, even though he just sat aound all the time watching TV and playing video games. The day I moved out he was lounged across my couch and I had to tell him to get the f&*k off that I was moving. LOL. Hi-larious.
This is why roommates are NEVER a good idea. It's like living with your annoying bitch sister, except now your parents aren't around to tell her to fuck off.
I moved in with two friends of mine. It's Berts grandmothers old house before she passed. Me and J-dub my other roomie have jobs. His is a monday through friday, and I work rotating swing shifts, so I work five to five, days and nights, depending. Bert doesn't have a fucking job, and doesn't pay rent. So J and myself pay his portion. He doesn't do anything while we are at work. Doesn't wash, or clean anything. Refused to mow the yard. He has a dog that I feed when I get home. I am hardly ever there because I work so much, and I was paying for groceries, and he would eat them before I had any of it. Drink a whole gallon of milk in one night. I would like to be the guy who brings his girlfriend over to his place, to fuck. But I'm too embarrased to bring her over. Berts fuckin dirty clothes and dip bottles all over the goddamn place. Used dishes. He even uses my fuckin towells. He graduated last may, and refuses to look for a job. When I bring it up, he says, I'm tired of making people happy, doing stuff just for them, I want some me time. I'm going to have to move out, for us to remain friends. It's sad. OH, and worst of all, his parents are rich, and fully support him. Like give him money every week. So when he does occasionally buy shit. He acts like he's black fuckin jesus and we should suck him off, for being so nice to us and buying shit like, paper towells or washing machine detergent. When it wasn't even his fuckin money. idk. Maybe i'm just an asshole. Or maybe no one wants to work all night, get home at six in the morning kick over a spit bottle coming through the door, and being greeted by a 260 pound hairy ass hanging out of boxers passed out on the couch. ( p.s. he's always getting drunk, and acting like a bitch)
What about the over emotional roommate? The roommate that's crying all the time and dumps all of his/her problems/emotions on you. Maybe not very common, but that's my situation at the moment.
I don't even know how to categorize my roommate hell through college.
I'm a female, and always insisted on male roommates to supposedly cut down on BS. How I was wrong!
My first roommate stole Vicoden from my parent's house when he stayed with us during the holidays since he couldn't afford to fly home, and then when I caught him with MY prescription bottle, he says he was going to commit suicide with the pills and had been plotting it for a while.
My next roommate was an extreme Southern boy. At first, he was quiet and polite, and we were pretty good friends. He turned into the Food Stealing/ Violent Drunk/Partier whose friends would bring home girls from the club and were always f*cking in the bathroom....ew...We got into a fight about dishes one night and he went to punch me in the face. He missed.
The next roommate was a punk rock guy, who I got along with really well except....he was the only one out of his friends that didn't live with their parents so he ALWAYS had 5 other immature, drunk punk rock boys running around our place breaking stuff, getting the cops called on us, etc.
The next guy to movein lived at my place for about 4 hours. He let me know he would probably only be living in my place a few months. Why....he had a court date coming up for battery and "knew" he wouldn't be coming back. OUT! At least he was honest.....
I then finally decided to let a girl move in. She was never home and practically lived with her bf, but...of course she never wanted to pay the full amount of rent because she "was never there".
Oh yeah, and I can't believe I forgot the cowboy...
I had another roommate who thought he was a cowboy, and he was mysterious. He'd disappear for days at a time and come back with a broken arm, wrecked car, etc. with no explanation. My mom was visiting one weekend while he was living there and I went out on a date, leaving her with the cowboy, poor thing. The power went out and they were sitting there with candles and he told her about how his dad was shot by his uncle and he had to clean up the mess after the body was picked up. My mom asked me to never leave her with my roommates again. Ha....all true...kinda makes me laugh looking back....
What about the Schizo roommate? He is the guy you made up because you are so fucking down on everything and everyone that you live alone and read "top-9" lists on the internet to justify your loathing of society.
How about the Roomie's Girlfriend who is Always Over and decides that because you are the only other girl in the house that you two are automatically best friends and who borrow each others things all the time. Make that, she takes your shit without asking because "you can borrow [her] stuff anytime." Too bad you're 5 times bigger than me, please stop streching out my shirts...
OR the roomie who goes away for a week, locks their bedroom door and leaves their alarm clock set to go off at 6:30 every morning.
My smartass roommate stays in all day....tries to make forced conversations all the time..keeps staring at me for no reason...plays EXACTLY the music I hate...and asks me to "use headphones" if I try to play any..........AND talks with his girlfriend all night in his fucking annoying soprano, in a language I don't understand.
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Holy Taco Goes to the Bahamas
June 5th, 2009 at 03:31 am
What about the best roomate "the ghost". One of my housemates in college I saw him the first week I was there then never again. Nevertheless the first of every month his share of rent and expenses was pinned to the bulletin board in the kitchen.
June 5th, 2009 at 11:21 am
OMG my roommate is one of the worst i've ever had!! she's a absolute party animal always bringing people over drunk, she never cleans, and she always steals my food. if i didnt do any modeling on the side i would be dead broke and homeless. gah i need a new roommate and if you guys can help by looking at my show so i can get more ad money i would appreciate that!
http://tinyurl.com/588taz
June 7th, 2009 at 08:20 am
What about the roomate who lights his farts on fire? That guy was pretty surprising.
June 19th, 2009 at 06:28 am
could be a combo of 2 4 and 9. ...
June 13th, 2009 at 11:46 am
The Air Traffic Controller: Phone talks,and narrates a loud text messages, e-mails etc. nearly non-stop. Takes breaks to tell you his and his friend's, and the friend's friends every move and recent development. Has regular "in-flight emergencies," again narrarated, that involve the reason why he has to use the shower, car, your money, etc. right now. And of course unasked for guidance, directions, and orders on what you need to do and when. Of course after all that stressful activity, do not dare disturb him when HE finally sleeps.
June 13th, 2009 at 05:54 pm
I've been #1 (the Anal Retentive one) - I used to clean our kitchen floor with a toothbrush! I didn't make my roommates do anything though at least...but I was crazy I admit. A half-full glass of juice on the counter would make me freak.
Justice was served when I had a roommate who after seeming normal for several months, went off his rocker and refused to throw out his pet iguana's rotting eggs...(they were in the iguana's cage). They really began to smell, it was disgusting.
Everytime I brought it up, he's get this weird glazed look in his eyes and say, "We must keep the eggs"...eventually I got his girlfriend to intercede and throw the $#@% things out!
June 15th, 2009 at 08:14 pm
This is a great article, but your missing one important roommate. The Campus Socialite. That's the college roommate that's always in the know, step above the rest, gets above average grades, goes to the gym, and has an entreprenurial spirit. Find out more about The Campus Socialite at http://www.TheCampusSocialite.com
June 18th, 2009 at 11:38 am
my roommate last year was the naked roommate and she would always walk around without a top and sometimes without panties. i do some modeling and she wanted to get into it so she would try and impress me by walking around naked and stuff. the worst was when she had her one nighters and her guys would walk around with their dicks out and they would try and hit on me too!! OMG that was the worst seeing a guys crusty dick from last night trying to hit on me!! ugh i think i just threw up in my mouth!!
but she would do everything to look like me and act like me because she dyied her hair blond and got a ton of push up's to get her tits to look like mine. so after i got my internet series gig i told her that her moquitoe bites werent gonna get her anywhere and left for good. hopefully this gig can help me pay for rent cuz i kind of needed her for monetary reasons
http://tinyurl.com/588taz
June 18th, 2009 at 10:23 pm
you're lucky you have tits, because you look like a man.
I'm saying you're a man-faced titty rack.
June 19th, 2009 at 06:24 am
bah ha ha!
August 3rd, 2009 at 05:30 pm
Tits help when the girl lacks a pretty face and a decent personality. ;P
June 19th, 2009 at 06:05 am
I'VE SEEN THAT KITCHEN BEFORE.
July 3rd, 2009 at 09:17 pm
I am an extreme case of number 1 and my last roommate was a 2. To make a long story short, I was ready to dig a 6*3*6 ft. hole in the backyard. lolChristian Louboutin Shoes
July 10th, 2009 at 12:28 am
I used to have a roommate that was the deadbeat, the gamer, the couch potato, the food stealer, the "girl friend who was always over" roommate and the slob. It was horrible, he used to borrow things then put them away with his stuff, without asking. He never had money so he used all my stuff saying"i get payed in like 4 weeks and i should be getting a lot of money close to $1000, so ill pay you back. He never had a car either, so i had to drive him places. He would steal my food and the try to make up for it by buying 20 frozen dinners and saying that they weren't just for him, they were for everyone. And if i caught him getting ready to eat my food i told him no, and he would go tell my other roommate about "how mean i was to him", and if i had soda, it would be gone in about a day. He used my ps2 and TV all day, and when i would ask to use it he would get all defensive like i shouldn't be interrupting his gaming. then when he wasn't playing the games, he would pass out on the couch. he would also make messes, and never clean them. His excuse was he was never there. There would be mold on bowls and plates and he would keep food in his room then it would go bad and make his room stink. And when he would try to help clean he would just shove things in random places and i couldn't find them. Yet when i moved out he talked shit about how i was messy. He would walk off with random shit he had no use for and we would find them in his room a week later. he also managed to fill MY trashcan with MY trash bags up within about 5 hours too. i ended up having to hide the trashcan, so he just threw shit on the floor. I tried getting threw to him for over a year about his problems, i even emailed the student housing director about my problems, then she would talk to him and he would come home making me feel bad for saying shit about him.
July 19th, 2009 at 12:39 am
Or what about The Victim? They're almost all of the above, except number one, but try to act like you're the bad guy. My girlfriend and I shared a flat with a girl I went to school with, and she was The Victim. She would use my good non-stick cookware with metal utensils and deny it, even though I'd have to throw them out and replace them. She ruined the pans my now-passed Grandmother left me. She brought her unbearable boyfriend over constantly, asked for loans, asked for us to watch her monster of a cat who chewed and clawed up all our furniture and urinated in our clean clothes basket while it was still warm from the dryer. Her cat collapsed the hood of our fish tank in and electrocuted all our fish, and she didn't pay for anything. Eventually she got upset with us because we were hogging the living space, even though a majority of her furniture was loaned to her by us. She stole my liquor, used all my cooking equipment, but hoarded all her food in her room in a little minifridge. She began stealing our food and moving it to her room, and even stole our glassware to put in her fridge so she could have a frosted glass for later, for her soda. My girlfriend and I no longer have roommates, no matter how much a hit our lifestyle has to take.
July 24th, 2009 at 01:57 pm
Man, I've had 9+3 and 8+2 at the same time before.
9+3 pretty much had her boyfriend move in because she needed his car, and she never had the rent money. I would pretty much throw her out until she went to the bank to get the rent, then she would slip it into my room so she didn't have to be around when I noticed she stiffed me $20 or so. Ended up kicking her out after three or so months.
8+2 was my best friend and one of the best guys I knew, until I lived with him. He sat at his computer every free second he had and just browsed 4chan. Often smelled like sour milk, and brought over nasty women who also smelled like sour milk and had babys... that smelled like sour milk and baby poop. He weighed 400+lbs (not being scarcastic) and would sneak food from the fridge that wasn't his, dispite the fact that he made twice as much money as me and our other room mate and had more food in the fridge. He would mark his food by writing his name on it but just eat ours. He also didn't do his own dishes for about a month at one point. I never kicked him out cause he paid his rent almost two weeks early every month, and I really needed the money. He ended up moving out on his own when his aunt was about to die and was leaving him a house that resembled a shed about to fall over. I'm sure he is very happy there.
July 27th, 2009 at 09:40 am
Jeez right now I could see myself as 7 of 9 of those....
July 28th, 2009 at 12:33 pm
Living with room mates has to be the shelter of the last resort. The worst for me was to go to take an early morning leak, to find a mate's tramp of the night lampoon in the toilet. But hey it wasn't bloody one.
July 30th, 2009 at 12:14 pm
When I was a freshman and moved on campus, I was in a triple with two other girls, which means three girls in ONE tiny room. One girl, who was also blonde and white, like myself, was cool and very nice, the other girl who was Jamaican, was racist against white blondes. It was very interesting with her passive-aggressive notes and denial of touching your things. One day, THREE HOURS before class started, she woke up and decided to spray the room down with ammonia-based cleaners, that was a fun morning. When I asked her if she could be a little less quiet, she screamed at me that no one respects her individuality to clean the room as she sees fit. I also liked her post-its that told myself and my other roommate that we're stupid bitches and she'll hurt us if we touched her stuff. My other roommate moved in with her boyfriend, I found another room...
Then, I moved in with one of my sorority sisters - bad idea. I'm a private person and I like to keep my relationships a bit to myself. She would have none of that - she would go through my stuff and pretend to be asleep when I would be on the phone. Then she would NEVER clean, so her side of the room was ALWAYS messy and decided that she didn't feel like hooking up her computer the ENTIRE year so she would use mine all the time, even when I had homework to do. She'd also use my computer to snoop and find stuff out about me that I apparently "kept a secrete from her".
I live in a house, with other people now and it's far better than any other experience I've had.
August 1st, 2009 at 02:38 am
A chap I shared a flat with was so socially awkward he could only communicate via Post-It notes. One afternoon I opened the kitchen drawer to find every utensil wrapped in a yellow note reading 'Property of Chris Please Do Not Use'...I ignored this directive of course but gained some small modicum of revenge by placing a note of my own on the kitchen wall clock which read 'Property of Shenanigan Please Do Not Tell Time By'.
September 24th, 2009 at 04:46 pm
Hilarious!
August 3rd, 2009 at 05:19 pm
Yeesh@the comments.
My roommate is my boyfriend's best friend of 11 years (boyfriend got an apartment so we could be together, lost my job in the process and am job-hunting like a madwoman), so the only way we could live together is if his friend moved in. For some ungodly reason, my boyfriend told his friend/our roommate "no rules" about a week before I moved in. So, now I get to clean up after an awkward, scrawny, slobby drunk 21 year old with the mind and cleaning habits of a child (do you know how awesome it feels to step on Doritos crumbs scattered all over the carpet, and then sit next to an unknown stain on the couch?). Surprisingly, he recently managed to get a girlfriend.
He's a nice guy and all, just not a tolerable roommate.
August 12th, 2009 at 05:39 pm
Yes, but what about these:
The "I'll deal drugs to underage girls in hopes of getting laid/photos to sell and keep bags of chemicals and weed hidden in the common bedroom closet?" room mate? He was also my boss and he lived on 2 liter bottles of Moutain Dew.
I got mysterious phone calls from detectives for awhile 'till I moved out and he got busted.
Then there was "Lonely/horny female room mate who would keep me - and on different nights my other 2 male roomies - up 'till 2 am telling us how lonely/horny she was but wouldn't think of allowing a mercy fuck from the guys she made listen to all her crap." room mate. She wasn't my type but we all could have gotten laid. Instead she became "crying girl" room mate and moved out.
And I've noticed a certain theme about ferrets...
I once had the ferret owning "I'll stage a daylight robbery of the apartment and the only thing missing will be the cash in your room." room mate. What a dick. He decided to become the girlfriend of the girl we roomed with and she finally kicked his deadbeat ass out.
The good times were the girlfriend who broke in, cleaned the house and left pink carnations everywhere. Then she came back at 2AM in nothing but a raincoat with a carnation between her teeth. God love her.
My new room mates are the anal retentive, the slob/gamer and the slob/deadbeat.
But they're my wife and sons.
No more carnations.
What are you gonna do?
August 17th, 2009 at 07:01 pm
What about the "Gets pissed off because he just came home from working 12 hours and his house is filled with fucks he doesn't know so he shoots his gun off on the front porch" roomate? Oh wait that's me.
August 23rd, 2009 at 02:26 pm
you forgot about the worst roomate of all, the wife!
August 28th, 2009 at 08:35 am
Instead of that picture listed under "The Borrower," a picture of my roommate in my clothes would have been perfect. In fact: a picture of my roomate in my boxers (what kind of guy wears other guys boxers?), my expensive brand name button down - with ink stains all over the place, trumped by a blazer, and flip flops. I'm happy to submit, maybe that would get him to stop??
August 29th, 2009 at 12:10 am
Pure GENIUS......Reading this List of Virtue & Truth allowed me to escape my miserable sorry existence of a life for just a short moment in time similar to what it would be like to have sex with a hot girl you met in an alley but finding out it's actually a guy but saying screw it because who is going to know and it is really really dark in the room and girls wouldn't get on your bed even if they saw a 50 pound rat running by.....so what the hell. Keep up the good work Holy Taco!!
September 19th, 2009 at 03:52 pm
wow i think im moving in with 2 guys that are all of these, well minus the food stealer and the guys whose g/f is always over.
Mike= 2, 4 , 5
Phil= 9
dam this shitty economy for making me move :(
September 21st, 2009 at 05:34 pm
Or when I discovered that my roomie usually used my saucepan to wash her period panties... I think this is the perfect person with you could live!
September 23rd, 2009 at 10:40 pm
I guess I'm just lucky. I've had 3 roomates and there was never a problem. I would tell them the easy rules before they moved in, then type it up and have them sign it. I think having a large, long house helped because the acoustics are great. The boarders room is huge and has hook up for Satelitte TV and Internet and a bathroom. Out of all 3, there was never a Saturday that the rent wasn't on the counter. All 3 hated to leave....marriage, prison and moved in with girl friend was the reason.
September 24th, 2009 at 04:42 pm
How about the "I come home from the shittiest day at work to find multiple household items of mine broken and strewn about the house and crappy techno vibrating the entire apartment complex (sad realization it was coming from MY apartment) and URINE ALL OVER the bathroom floor (literally, did not even hit the toilet) and the roommate belligerently giggles on his bedroom floor when I confront him about the drunken mess he's made" roomie?
this unfortunately did not only happen once...and we only lived together for 2 or 3 months!
September 26th, 2009 at 07:58 am
I love how they couldn't find a picture of a man for Mr Anal Retentive.
September 28th, 2009 at 08:04 pm
I second the vote that roommates never fall into one of these categories; they're always combo-deals. I got stuck with 2 slob-gamer-couch potatoes. Right when they'd come in the door, the computers went on, along with every light in the house and the TV & Stereo. Our electric bill was $500 a month. How, you ask? Because dip-shit mcgee would leave the oven on for hours after cooking pizza rolls while the AC was cranking full blast to try to compensate. I moved in with the guys to save money, but ended up losing more money than when I lived on my own. Trash everywhere. The odor that smacked you in the face when you walked in could strip paint off a ship. And they were always cussing at their computers. One was fat, really fat, and always smelled horrible, especially since he'd eat nothing but take-out pizza and junk food while sweating profusely. It always smelled like ballsack and gym socks.
On a positive note, the NEVER had girlfriends over (because they didn't HAVE girlfriends). And, they were on-time with the rent.
Unfortunately, one of the other roommies paid the rent, and we lumped-sum the money for all rent and bills to him. This sucked, too, because he never showed us the bills, only told us how much to pay him. After 2 months of paying more than I budgeted, I told him to show me the bills before I paid him, and that I would do the calculations to split it 3 ways. Turns out I was overpaying him on avg $50 and he was just pocketing it. Not maliciously, but he just didn't keep track of numbers and didn't realize it.
One of the worst living experiences of my life. I'd rather eat my pride and ask mom and dad if I could move back in before suffering through that shit again.
September 28th, 2009 at 09:36 pm
they didnt mention the junkie
my girl used to have this little shit over and all he wanted to do was fucking snort pain meds up his nose
October 2nd, 2009 at 10:55 am
I've got it pretty bad now. I have 3 roomates, 2 that pay rent. 1 of those two is ok, he works hard, drinks hard, and goes to sleep. It would be nice if he cleaned more but whatever, he doesn't bother me. The other one on the other hand. This scumbag has been on unemployment for 14 months. Didn't think it was possible? Me neither, but it is. He sits on the couch all day, doesn't clean, pisses on the floor, and then has the audasity to say one word to me. Dude, just die already. It's not like he's disabled or too snobby to take a shit job, he can lift heavy shit, he can get a job, he just won't because he want's to keep abusing the system. He buys all the new video games, has every system, eats take out every night, is super obnoxious, bitches about whose turn it is to buy toilet paper and then spends...$1.50 on the cheapest shit the dollar store has. The worst part yet, he met some drug addict girl at a bar, brought her drunk ass home, banged her out. I should menton it was his first in 3 years, she hasn't left. it's been 5 months this homeless chick is living in our house not paying rent, taking up a space in the driveway forcing me to move cars whenever we want to get out, and using up the utilities. Please, does anyone know a place that has murder for hire. Oh yea, and their dumpster pets shit in the house twice a day.
October 3rd, 2009 at 09:22 pm
They forgot the roomate who's ur old best friend that mooched off of u and told u that she was looking 4 a job but no one would hire her becuase she was half black and half white even if I was full black and still had a job . Than she stole from me and brought her druggie friends over the house when I was at work and broke every dam thing I had, and the next day she moved out leaveing a note that said I changed and I was a stuck up snob who wouldnt give her any chances! If I see that girl again I swear thats the day I'll be going to jail!
but whatever I'll get my revenge...
trust me, I'll get my revenge ^___^
October 13th, 2009 at 09:06 pm
I'm the girlfriend who's always over. I live with my parents, so we go to my bf's place a lot. On behalf of my species, sorry u guys.
Honestly, i'm always in his room, but then I'm also the girfriends who is always over and who is incredibly loud during sex, agian, sorry
October 14th, 2009 at 11:44 pm
seriously- who are you people?!
October 15th, 2009 at 02:06 pm
My old roommate is a combo of the first 6 all put together. When I moved out he had been telling me for a month plus that he was looking for a job, even though he just sat aound all the time watching TV and playing video games. The day I moved out he was lounged across my couch and I had to tell him to get the f&*k off that I was moving. LOL. Hi-larious.
October 22nd, 2009 at 02:35 pm
This is why roommates are NEVER a good idea. It's like living with your annoying bitch sister, except now your parents aren't around to tell her to fuck off.
October 23rd, 2009 at 01:05 pm
I moved in with two friends of mine. It's Berts grandmothers old house before she passed. Me and J-dub my other roomie have jobs. His is a monday through friday, and I work rotating swing shifts, so I work five to five, days and nights, depending. Bert doesn't have a fucking job, and doesn't pay rent. So J and myself pay his portion. He doesn't do anything while we are at work. Doesn't wash, or clean anything. Refused to mow the yard. He has a dog that I feed when I get home. I am hardly ever there because I work so much, and I was paying for groceries, and he would eat them before I had any of it. Drink a whole gallon of milk in one night. I would like to be the guy who brings his girlfriend over to his place, to fuck. But I'm too embarrased to bring her over. Berts fuckin dirty clothes and dip bottles all over the goddamn place. Used dishes. He even uses my fuckin towells. He graduated last may, and refuses to look for a job. When I bring it up, he says, I'm tired of making people happy, doing stuff just for them, I want some me time. I'm going to have to move out, for us to remain friends. It's sad. OH, and worst of all, his parents are rich, and fully support him. Like give him money every week. So when he does occasionally buy shit. He acts like he's black fuckin jesus and we should suck him off, for being so nice to us and buying shit like, paper towells or washing machine detergent. When it wasn't even his fuckin money. idk. Maybe i'm just an asshole. Or maybe no one wants to work all night, get home at six in the morning kick over a spit bottle coming through the door, and being greeted by a 260 pound hairy ass hanging out of boxers passed out on the couch. ( p.s. he's always getting drunk, and acting like a bitch)
October 28th, 2009 at 11:45 pm
they 4got to mention 'the pothead'
October 30th, 2009 at 11:31 am
What about the over emotional roommate? The roommate that's crying all the time and dumps all of his/her problems/emotions on you. Maybe not very common, but that's my situation at the moment.
November 1st, 2009 at 06:05 pm
wen it comes down to roommates, an anal retentive bitch is perfect
November 2nd, 2009 at 10:25 am
You forgot the obvious ... NAKED GUY! Always "just getting out of the shower" ... sleeps naked, eats naked, watches porn in the living room naked.
November 8th, 2009 at 10:57 pm
I don't even know how to categorize my roommate hell through college.
I'm a female, and always insisted on male roommates to supposedly cut down on BS. How I was wrong!
My first roommate stole Vicoden from my parent's house when he stayed with us during the holidays since he couldn't afford to fly home, and then when I caught him with MY prescription bottle, he says he was going to commit suicide with the pills and had been plotting it for a while.
My next roommate was an extreme Southern boy. At first, he was quiet and polite, and we were pretty good friends. He turned into the Food Stealing/ Violent Drunk/Partier whose friends would bring home girls from the club and were always f*cking in the bathroom....ew...We got into a fight about dishes one night and he went to punch me in the face. He missed.
The next roommate was a punk rock guy, who I got along with really well except....he was the only one out of his friends that didn't live with their parents so he ALWAYS had 5 other immature, drunk punk rock boys running around our place breaking stuff, getting the cops called on us, etc.
The next guy to movein lived at my place for about 4 hours. He let me know he would probably only be living in my place a few months. Why....he had a court date coming up for battery and "knew" he wouldn't be coming back. OUT! At least he was honest.....
I then finally decided to let a girl move in. She was never home and practically lived with her bf, but...of course she never wanted to pay the full amount of rent because she "was never there".
Ugh....now I have NO roommates and it is BLISS!
November 8th, 2009 at 11:05 pm
Oh yeah, and I can't believe I forgot the cowboy...
I had another roommate who thought he was a cowboy, and he was mysterious. He'd disappear for days at a time and come back with a broken arm, wrecked car, etc. with no explanation. My mom was visiting one weekend while he was living there and I went out on a date, leaving her with the cowboy, poor thing. The power went out and they were sitting there with candles and he told her about how his dad was shot by his uncle and he had to clean up the mess after the body was picked up. My mom asked me to never leave her with my roommates again. Ha....all true...kinda makes me laugh looking back....
November 12th, 2009 at 04:20 pm
What about the Schizo roommate? He is the guy you made up because you are so fucking down on everything and everyone that you live alone and read "top-9" lists on the internet to justify your loathing of society.
November 12th, 2009 at 04:43 pm
How about the Roomie's Girlfriend who is Always Over and decides that because you are the only other girl in the house that you two are automatically best friends and who borrow each others things all the time. Make that, she takes your shit without asking because "you can borrow [her] stuff anytime." Too bad you're 5 times bigger than me, please stop streching out my shirts...
OR the roomie who goes away for a week, locks their bedroom door and leaves their alarm clock set to go off at 6:30 every morning.
November 12th, 2009 at 09:25 pm
My smartass roommate stays in all day....tries to make forced conversations all the time..keeps staring at me for no reason...plays EXACTLY the music I hate...and asks me to "use headphones" if I try to play any..........AND talks with his girlfriend all night in his fucking annoying soprano, in a language I don't understand.
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