A Jogger’s Guide To Traversing Any City

Seeing as my job as a writer on this fine site requires me to sit on my ass all day, I’m prone to gaining weight as a result of my lack of physical activity. To combat this, I jog at least 5 days a week. Jogging so often in a major city can be tough. There’s a lot out there to contend with that can make getting in a good aerobic exercise a chore.

These are some quick tips for handling a few of the situations you may encounter on your jog.

Homeless People

When you jog around town, you’re liable to meet some interesting people during your journey. You may even get lucky and run in to your future husband or wife. But there are some people that probably want to avoid; like the homeless. Not all homeless people are the perverted caricatures society makes them out to be. Some are, you know, human. They’ve just fell in to some harsh times.

But some of them actually are crazy, and they will make that fact abundantly clear to you during your jog. And some of them are super-powered homeless people. You may even run in to a homeless man that possess the mystical always-keeps-pace-with-you-as-you’re-running-while-he’s-walking walking style of Michael Myers.

Always remember: some homeless people are merely human, while others have attained a level of insanity comparable to that of The Joker — they’re so crazy that they play by a completely different set of physical and psychological rules than the rest of the human race.

Bad Neighborhoods

To break up the routine of jogging through same neighborhoods, seeing the same sights every day, you will occasionally feel the need to venture in to new territory. You should employ as much caution as possible when you do this. You don’t want to accidentally venture in to a bad part of town 40 minutes in to your jog when you’re legs are a little weak and suddenly breaking out in to a run to save your life becomes a real possibility.

Riding a bike is healthy, just like jogging. But avoid neighborhoods where most of the residents are riding bikes. They’re not riding their bikes for their health, they‘re riding them because bikes are easier to steal than cars, and they make for a better getaway vehicle than running.

Traffic

Obviously, you’re not going to be running in traffic, but passing cars are something you have to be on the lookout for. You must always make sure to stop at intersections and never venture too close to the edge of the sidewalk close to the road, just in case.

Also, you must always be on your toes, both figuratively and literally. You don’t want to zone out and be caught sleeping when someone blows by you at 60 mph and hurls a brick at your head while yelling “LOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSEERRR!” This is a totally real and completely irrational fear of mine.