Remember the Olsen twins? Remember how every creepy nerd and Bob Saget waited patiently for them to turn eighteen? Websites had countdown clocks and Dave Coulier was crossing the days off of his calendar while John Stamos combed his hair to kill time. Lonely, grown men everywhere waited patiently. They were waiting until the twins turned eighteen because, in their minds, it would make their weird perverted fantasies less weird, because now those fantasies didn’t involve minors.
It was all kind of pointless. Mostly because the guys that were so excited for the ladies to turn eighteen wouldn’t have a shot with either of the twins, even at their hungriest. Not to mention the fact that they turned into complete train-wrecks for a while. Either one could’ve challenged Lindsay Lohan in a skinny whore-off and won.
But whatever, don’t worry about that. For those of you looking for something new from the Olsen catalog, you wish has been granted! Introducing, Elizabeth Olsen.
The best part is, she’s already twenty-one, which means you can let those disgusting thoughts in to the front of your brain immediately! And I’m sure if you give her just the right amount of needed attention (which is going to take work, buddy!) she’d be all yours.
She’s actually working with her older sisters on their fashion line. I don’t care what’s it’s called, and neither do you. She’s into acting or some crap. You can read more about her if you just do a google search (Holy Taco isn’t for information, it’s for ogling. Do your own “research” weirdo.) If I had the chance to interview her personally, I’m sure I could muster up some genuine interest. Or at least appear to be interested while getting lost in her neglected eyes.
She’s just as hot, if not hotter, than her sisters, and she’s probably STARVED for attention. All those years of hearing everyone talk about “Mary-Kate and Ashley” probably did some awesome psychological damage. If I had to guess, I’d say we’re only hearing about her now because her parents just remembered she existed.