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A New and Improved Olsen!

Olsen Win!

Remember the Olsen twins? Remember how every creepy nerd and Bob Saget waited patiently for them to turn eighteen? Websites had countdown clocks and Dave Coulier was crossing the days off of his calendar while John Stamos combed his hair to kill time. Lonely, grown men everywhere waited patiently. They were waiting until the twins turned eighteen because, in their minds, it would make their weird perverted fantasies less weird, because now those fantasies didn’t involve minors.

It was all kind of pointless. Mostly because the guys that were so excited for the ladies to turn eighteen wouldn’t have a shot with either of the twins, even at their hungriest. Not to mention the fact that they turned into complete train-wrecks for a while. Either one could’ve challenged Lindsay Lohan in a skinny whore-off and won.

But whatever, don’t worry about that. For those of you looking for something new from the Olsen catalog, you wish has been granted! Introducing, Elizabeth Olsen.

Elizabeth Olsen

The best part is, she’s already twenty-one, which means you can let those disgusting thoughts in to the front of your brain immediately! And I’m sure if you give her just the right amount of needed attention (which is going to take work, buddy!) she’d be all yours.

She’s actually working with her older sisters on their fashion line. I don’t care what’s it’s called, and neither do you. She’s into acting or some crap. You can read more about her if you just do a google search (Holy Taco isn’t for information, it’s for ogling. Do your own “research” weirdo.) If I had the chance to interview her personally, I’m sure I could muster up some genuine interest. Or at least appear to be interested while getting lost in her neglected eyes.

She’s just as hot, if not hotter, than her sisters, and she’s probably STARVED for attention. All those years of hearing everyone talk about “Mary-Kate and Ashley” probably did some awesome psychological damage. If I had to guess, I’d say we’re only hearing about her now because her parents just remembered she existed.

Elizabeth Olsen 2

4 Responses to "A New and Improved Olsen!"

  1. DonkeyXote says:

    She’s cute!

    • he who cannot be named says:

      listen “donkeyrapist”, you will never score a hot girl like this, because you are a loser

      every time i read a holytaco article i always see your name,like some dog urine stains on a carpet, you are always there

      • Who Do You Think You Are??? says:

        @he who cannot be named, You are the loser feeling the need to bring another person down with no just cause?? why don`t you come out of your mothers basement and interact with the real world since you obviously have completely inept social skills. Take my advise dude and you`ll have a much happier and fulfilled life that doesn’t involve bringing other people down !

      • Monkeypox says:

        Uh “he who cannot be named”, if you always see him here, then you yourself must always be here.