Well, it’s happening everybody. Charlie Sheen is working on a new sitcom. You saw it coming, you can’t do anything to stop it, and the psychological damage is permanent. Much like your parents’ divorce. According to inside reports, the show will be on cable this time and it’s going to be an edgier version of Two and a Half Men. So now instead of talking about philandering about, Sheen’s character (which is probably named Charlie) will be depicted philandering about. Lookout world, this one sounds like a real game changer!
FADE IN:INT. CHARLIE’S LIVING ROOM – LATE MORNING
CHARLIE LAYS ON THE COUCH SURROUNDED BY EMPTY LIQUOR BOTTLES
AND COKE-DUSTED MIRRORS.
THE DOORBELL RINGS.
(STILL GROANING) Just come in.
THE MAILMAN CAUTIOUSLY ENTERS. HE LEAVES THE DOOR OPEN BEHIND
Wow, Charlie. Looks like you had a
hell of a party.
Well it was a Saturday night.
Actually, Charlie, today is Wednesday.
So it was a Tuesday night.
CHARLIE’S NEIGHBOR DAWN, A FRIENDLY MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN, ENTERS
THE LIVING ROOM.
Wow Charlie, celebrating Saturday on
Tuesday again, huh?
I’ve got tiger blood.
A HOT BLONDE POPS UP FROM BEHIND THE COUCH. SHE LOOKS
DISHEVELED AND SHE’S HALF-DRESSED.
Yeah, he’s got tiger blood! Rawr!
DAWN AND THE MAILMAN ROLL THEIR EYES.
HOT BLONDE (CONT’D)
Charlie, you got really really wasted
again last night! (SHE LAUGHS)
That’s pretty much every night for you
Charlie. You might have a real
Yeah, Charlie. You might have a
problem. Maybe we should do something
I know of a place where you can go for
help. I’ll take you there right now if
you’re willing to go.
Charlie, I agree with these two, but I
gotta get going. Before I leave,
here’s your mail.
THE MAILMAN PULLS OUT A HUGE BUNDLE OF ENVELOPES.
They’re royalty checks.
THE MAILMAN LEAVES. DAWN AND HOT BLONDE LOOK AT THE STACK OF
CHECKS, SMILE AND START LEAFING THROUGH THEM.
You know what Charlie, you can always
go to rehab tomorrow!
FADE TO BLACK.