(Photo somewhat related.)
By Dustin Seibert
It’s like something straight out of Revenge of the Nerds, and I love it.
Some dude is breaking into Boston College students’ homes and tickling their feet as they sleep. Of course, it does sound like an urban legend cooked up and passed along by bored co-eds, but the Boston Police said the guy is out there and at large.
There’s a whole bevy of WTFs that go with this story, but the one thing that surprises me the most is that he’s described as a 5-foot-8-inch black dude. Sorry, but this is just not a black crime. You tell me some dude is running around committing felony tickle attacks and wanking off in bushes and I picture a hipster white boy with a beard and glasses who should be riding around on a fixie with a helmet cam.
It’s even harder to believe given that he hasn’t been caught yet. You telling me a black man in uber-racist Boston has been terrorizing (presumably) white students for two years and no one has locked his ass under the prison?
Black, white or otherwise, this assclown might consider enlisting the help of a prostitute, or maybe even someone legal like the equivalent of a professional cuddler. No one I know exactly enjoys getting tickled, but if you let your wallet do the talking, you can convince someone to do anything. Beats getting tickled on the inside without your consent by a cellmate named Bruno.
And if all else fails, there’s a site for that.
Previously: Taking Upskirt Photos of Strangers Is Now Legal in Massachusetts, Apparently