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Aaron Hernandez May Have Murder Clues in His Tattoos


(Cool ink, bro.)

By Dustin Seibert

It’s like Prison Break without the closeted lead actor. Aaron Hernandez, former pro NFL player whose record at murder probably exceeds his record on the field, was recently indicted on a 2012 double homicide while already awaiting trial for an entirely different murder from last week. The newest news is that he may have gotten some tattoos to commemorate his shooting.

Investigators are now on the hunt looking for anyone who would have inked up Hernandez’s right forearm last year. They’re also asking tattoo trade magazines to let their readers know about this phantom inker. Because I suppose Hernandez is not actually cooperating by telling them the artist’s name himself…?

If this is true and Hernandez does have the equivalent of a teardrop tattoo inked on his arm, it would be a cooler, more swag-tastic way of putting a crime on social networking and getting busted. It would also indicate beyond a shadow of a doubt that Hernandez is dumber than a bag of avocados: when you’re famous enough that your face and bare body are splashed all over the internet and periodicals, you have to assume that there is a legion of no-trim-getting armchair sleuths on the job to figure out exactly what’s going on in all that ink. Hell, he’s already been accused of having gang ink.

I won’t harp on the obvious, which is that Hernandez really was either stupid as shit or effed up in the head to kill anyone to begin with, especially considering the bucket loads of dough he got for showing up to work every day. But I do think it takes someone especially touched to paint himself as a walking billboard bragging about a crime that can put him away forever. Maybe the NFL is on to something with the increased regulations to prevent brain injuries…

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