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Adolf Hitler, Distributer of Sex Dolls

Borghild-Field-Hygiene-Project-German-sex-doll

We all know Hitler as the crazed madman that tried to take over the world and killed millions trying to do it. But now we will all know Hitler as that, and as the guy that cared far too much about the well-being of his soldier’s penises.

While researching a book about strange untold stories about war — specifically, while researching a story about Barbie dolls — author Graeme Donald came across a tale about Nazi soldiers and their love of French whores.

When Hitler’s army invaded and occupied France, they partook in the city’s finer elements, like its food, film, beautiful vistas, and apparently, its prostitutes. The problem with this, as it is with prostitutes of any nationality, was the high concentration of syphilis found on the prostitutes’ vaginas. To give you a better understanding of this high concentration of syphilis, imagine if a French prostitute’s vagina was 1940s France, and the Nazis were syphilis. Now imagine these metaphorical Nazis occupying the metaphorical 1940s France, partaking in metaphorical France’s food, film, and beautiful vistas.


There was just too much syphilis, and the Nazis were getting it all up in themselves. Remarking on one of the problems the Reich faced while occupying France, SS chief Heinrich Himmler said, “The greatest danger in Paris is the widespread and uncontrolled presence of whores.” The greatest danger wasn’t the French resistance, or even high cholesterol levels from eating all that rich, butter-infused French cuisine. Whores – whores and their lethal genitalia were Himmler’s number-one concern. If I was French and I read that, I’d be pissed…and then very disappointed in my fellow countrymen — a profound level of disappointment. “God, we suck,” I’d think to myself, while I stare out a window blankly, longingly as I’m bathed in black-and-white, all artsy-like, with a mime in the background twisting his fists under his eyes in a sad, crying motion.

With syphilis infecting so many, Hitler gave his seal of approval to a project known as the Borghild Project. The Borghild Project was classified as “Geheime Reichssache”, which meant it was even more classified than top secret. It was super-secret top secret. The project was to manufacture grade-A, top-of-the-line sex dolls for Nazi soldiers in France as a means of dissuading them from partaking in spoiled French genitals. By the way, if anyone is interested in what a Hitler seal of approval might look like, it would probably look like this:

HappyHitler

Psychiatrist Dr. Rudolf Chargeheimer wrote this in a letter to Himmler, on the subject of the difficulties and goals of the Nazi sex doll project*:

Sure thing, purpose and goal of the dolls is to relieve our soldiers. They have to fight and not be on the browl or mingle with ”foreign womenfolk”. However:  no real men will prefer a doll to a real woman, until our technicians meet the following quality standards-

1. The synthetic flesh has to feel the same like real flesh

2. The doll’ s body should be as agile and moveable as the real body

3. The doll’s organ should feel absolutely realistic.

The dolls were eventually fabricated; fifty of them, to be exact. But after only 2 years of usage, Nazi soldiers refused to carry the dolls out of fear of being captured with them in their possession and feeling embarrassed.

None of the dolls are around today, as the factory they were built in, located in Dresden, Germany, was decimated during the famous Dresden bombings by allied forces in February of 1945.

And now you know that Hitler was in to sex dolls. Now you can add a new chapter to that non-fiction book you’re writing, History of Synthetic F*ckary: A Timeline of People Putting Their Wieners In Plastic Vaginas.

 

*The Nazi Sex Doll Project© is a copyrighted band name that belongs solely to Holy Taco Industries and all of its subsidiaries.

One Response to "Adolf Hitler, Distributer of Sex Dolls"

  1. DonkeyXote says:

    Hitler wasn’t just into sex dolls, he was also a homo and enjoyed cropophilia as well.

    True story.