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Alanis Morissette Is Now Fat

alanis morissette fat ryan reynolds

Uh-oh. It looks like someone has put on a few “my-ex-boyfriend-Ryan-Reynolds-is-now-engaged-to-Scarlett-Johannson” pounds. But, honestly, I saw this coming a while ago. After seeing her in concert a few months back, I noticed the lyrics to her hit song “Ironic” seemed a little different than the original. I got a copy of the new version and it explains a lot. Here’s a few snippets:

An old man turned ninety-eight
He won the lottery and died the next day
It’s a black fly in your Chardonnay
I want to put some whipped cream on a slice of cheesecake
And isn’t it ironic… don’t you think

Mr. Play It Safe was afraid to fly
He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids goodbye
He waited his whole damn life to take that flight
Get me some spanish peanuts. And lots
and lots of pie.
And isn’t it ironic… don’t you think

A traffic jam when you’re already late
A no-eating sign just when you bought some crepes
It’s like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife
Because you want to hork down an entire Thanksgiving dinner
Because Ryan’s making-out with Scarlett that whore whore whore
And isn’t it ironic…don’t you think
A little too ironic…and, yeah, I really do think…

The weird part is, some of these new lyrics don’t even rhyme. Oh well.

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19 Responses to "Alanis Morissette Is Now Fat"

  1. true-fan says:

    Wow, what rock do you guys live under???! This photo is before her North American tour (early 2008), and she has lost all the weight. She is totally ripped now with “Madge” arms!!! I saw her in both San Diego, and L.A. in November and she looks great. She has dark straight hair with bangs too! Very hot!

  2. juliana wetmore says:

    Canadian Horse Face is thin again. looks like she’s been barfing.

  3. Anonymous says:

    Greek Theatre- she had the audacity to where white pants, eeewwwwww, must have been on the rag.

  4. Anonymous says:

    Probably fit 2 dicks in that mouth now.

  5. jameshinobi says:

    um… the clutching of the tummy and the glow in her face leads me to belive she is carying tom cruises 2 kid….oops i mean 1st the other one is chris kliens kid

  6. sarah says:

    she’s not fat!! she’s preggers!

  7. gonzo says:

    no problem. she just needs to start barfing again.

  8. Robbie says:

    Yeah I would love to do her now. I figure since she is fat a guy like me has a shot now!!! Sweet!!! Yo Lany give me ya numba I got some chocolate pie!

  9. J.Wilder says:

    Whatta bunch of narcisitic assholes!!! You’s all got something to say about Alanis? Guess what, she’s human. You’d know that if you truely listened to her music. Most musicians relax when they’re not touring. She’s beautiful no matter what she weighs. Besides, what mirror are you looking in? Next time ya wake up and you’re sober, try looking at yourself, before ya take your medication. Maybe then you’ll realize you’ve got NO ROOM TO TALK !!! Those of you who would “still do her,” first of all, you’re not that lucky. Second, if you were (mistaken for) the last man on earth, Alanis would probably demand a recount. You’ve obviously got “mommy issues.” Don’t take it out on Alanis, because your mommy’s pussy is the only pussy you’ve ever had. So, my advice for you? Go LISTEN to what Alanis is saying in her music. You know that you are “thinking of ALANIS when you fuck” whomever it is you pay to do you. So get off your mother & grow a pair !!!!!
    God bless you……………………

  10. Anonymous says:

    she must have started barfing in the toilet again then.

  11. FrogSoda says:

    It going to be hard for her to go down on you in a theater.

  12. Bosco says:

    I’d feed her my meat.

  13. Gimpy says:

    Come on, be honest. You’d still do her.

  14. J P says:

    You saw her in concert? Turn in your man card right now! It would be one thing to say, “I saw her in concert with this hot chick who promised to act like a whore if I went with her.” But, I am suspicious that you went alone and touched yourself several times.

  15. J P says:

    TURN IN YOUR MAN CARD! Men do not go to Alanis Morissette concerts. Did she open for Wilson Phillips or something? Is that what drew you in?

  16. Keeblerkahn says:

    Cuz she’s got one hand in her pocket and the other is clutching a twinkie. And what it all comes down to is, she hasn’t eaten her fill of ho-ho’s yet.

  17. ExtraMustard says:

    One too many jagged little pills

  18. “A no-eating sign just when you bought some crepes”!!! *peed a little*

  19. TruthSayer says:

    She’s pregnant, you douchebags