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Alanis Morissette REALLY HAPPY For Ryan Reynolds

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A couple weeks ago we posted a pic of Alanis Morissette displaying her hefty weight gain and surmised that it may have been because her ex-fiance Ryan Reynolds is marrying Scarlett Johansson. You can kind of tell in the pic above Reynolds was either making the “I wonder if I could nail Scarlett Johansson” face, or the “Did I just fart, or did I just fart and shit my pants?” face.  I’ve made one of those faces thousands of times more than the other.  I’ll let you guess which one. Anyway, you’d think Alanis would be somewhat pissed, but she swears she’s not. People.com reports:

“I’m really happy for him,” the singer, who called off her engagement to Reynolds in 2007, told Newsweek.

As for reports that her new album, Flavors of Entanglement, was originally supposed to be released on the same day as Johansson’s? “My album release date has been moved five times,” she said, “so I wasn’t even aware of what the dates where.”

Somehow I get the feeling that right after she gave those responses she calmly walked out of the interview, walked outside and bashed her head through a nearby car’s window.

It never makes you really happy when your ex is banging someone more attractive than you, but you pretend like you’re happy for them to try and save face . I call that “Pulling a Tiki Barber.” Really and truly, there’s only two ways to attack the problem of an ex doing better than you and that’s to either say you’re happy for said ex, or to date someone even hotter than them. For instance, Alanis could do this:

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4 Responses to "Alanis Morissette REALLY HAPPY For Ryan Reynolds"

  1. TruthSayer says:

    Dude. Alanis Morisette is pregnant, not fat. Y ou, on the other hand are pregnant and fat. So there

  2. Gainer says:

    The reason Ryan is making that face, His penis knows Alanis wants to smile. Which makes him cringe even though he isn’t looking… his primal senses tell him the meat grinder is opening up.

    Jesus look at all those teeth, its like something out of an ALIENS movie.

  3. fricken says:

    no problem. all she needs to do is start barfing again.

  4. Anonymous says:

    Alanis will go down on you in a movie theatre. Also, she’s rich and fuckable.