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All Children Should Be Allowed To Own Their Own Harrier Fighter Jets

It’s about time we all wised up and stopped treating out children like the children of old. Kids today are much smarter and much wiser than we in our youthful heydays could have imagined ourselves ever being. This is why I am in an uproar about this news story, which is about a 7-year-old boy in London that bought himself a decommissioned Harrier jump jet on eBay for £69,999, or $113,515 US.

After navigating through eBay for a bit, the young boy came across the page for the Harrier. Instantly realizing that his childhood would be incomplete without a fighter jet that could take on enemy combatants with ease, the boy took it upon himself to use the Buy It Now function, laying down the money, establishing himself as the rightful owner of the aircraft.

But, of course, the boy’s father soon found out about this, and he immediately contacted the sellers and apologized profusely. This, I feel, is a travesty.

All the boy wanted was to live out the dream that all little boys have: to soar through the skies in a technologically advanced battle jet that can out maneuver the jets his bullies at school will be piloting. Now, due to his father’s old school way of thinking, a way of thinking that demeans all of today’s more mentally advanced children, the boy will more than likely be forever tormented by his lack of fighter jet for years to come. What’s more, the boy’s father claimed that the boy’s “pocket money” would in no way be able to pay for the jet. This just means the boy has a father that is grossly underpaying him for cleaning his room and getting good grades in school, and doesn’t believe his son is mentally capable of piloting an air craft carrying a large enough payload to level a small town.

It is times like these where I am reminded of the great warrior poet Will Smith, and his iconic, timeless line about the tenuous relationships between parents and their children: “Parents just don’t understand.”

Indeed, Sir Smith. Parents certainly do lack an understanding of children and their need for personal flying death bringers.

This also makes sense from the stand point of your child’s popularity among his or her peers. Just think back to when you were a child. Remember how there was also that hot new item, some new trend, that all the cool kids either owned or were taking part of? And remember how sad and left out you felt when you parents told you that they didn’t have enough money to get it for you? Or worse, they tried to get you a cheap knock off of that thing? How embarrassed were you? Probably very. You were probably so embarrassed that you were afraid to show your face in school.

Now upscale that to today’s standards of “cool”. A child is nothing without their fighter jets. And if you don’t get them the real thing — say, you get them some kind of cheap F-16 thinking it’s just as good as a Harrier – your child will be mocked mercilessly. His childhood will ruined, and all because of your ignorance, and your unrelenting grasp on the ways of yesteryear.

So, please, give your child the gift of a Harrier jump jet. They will thank you later in life when they die in a fiery crash.

5 Responses to "All Children Should Be Allowed To Own Their Own Harrier Fighter Jets"

  1. JunkCuenta says:

    Well, there goes the only chance at keeping lunch money and not getting your daily wedgie in front of that girl you like.

    Life 1, boy 0.

    :S

  2. DonkeyXote says:

    “he boy’s father claimed that the boy’s “pocket money” would in no way be able to pay for the jet”

    hahahha