Hey, look, I don’t want to outright tell you what to buy me for Christmas. I understand that some people enjoy the challenge of trying to dig deep in to a person’s mind to figure out what they truly want and then buy it for them. Holiday gift buying is a great way to test out how well you know someone. So, you know, I know you may not want to be told what to buy me; it takes the fun out of it. But, you know, if you want – and I’m just throwing this out there; do with this information what you will – I can just sort of quickly mention that for only around $6,400 you can buy me a water-propelled jetpack that will make me look like the resulting child of a coke-fueled, condom-less night between Iron Man and Aquaman. (Yes, I’m implying that one of those two men has a fully functioning vagina. Which one? Let’s just say Tony Stark would have a more…traditional taste when it comes to selecting whom and what he has sex with).
Professional ski racer and full-time French person Franky Zapata took one look at the majesty of a dolphin leaping out of the water, got jealous, and then built something that yet again makes us better than dolphins. He probably heard that dolphins are some of the smartest animals on earth, not that far behind humans. So he figured if they want to be as smart as us, we had to one-up them by stealing something they were good at: water leaps. This was Zapata’s way of wordlessly saying, “Your move, Dolphins. Your move…”
$6,400 is a bit much for a Christmas gift, I know. But just look at the upside – the upside being the side of the sky I’ll be on once you spend $6,400 to make me dolphin-person.