Recently we here at the Taco were talking about anal sex (shocking, I know) and we realized that the way women feel about anal sex is almost identical to the way they feel about eating at the restaurant Chili's. Here's how we broke it down.
1. Women Who Don't Love Chili's But Will Eat There On Ocassion
A lot of womenthink Chili’s is just okay. If they’re hungry and they’re near a Chili’s, you might be able to talk them in to eating there. Or, if it’s your birthday, and Chili’s is your faaaavorite place to go, then your girlfriend might say “okay, fine, it’s your birthday, we’ll go to Chili’s and I won’t complain. I’ll even order the Queso Skillet.” They'll never ask to go to Chili's, but they can understand why you enjoy the food there, even though it's not something healthy to have every day.
2. Women Who Will Only Eat At Chili's When They're Drunk.
If these women are sober, they’ll tell you how disgusting Chili’s is, and how they would NEVER eat there. But as soon as they’re wasted, they’re like “I am craving for some Chili’s.” Then the next morning they’ll be like “Oh my god, where did we eat last night?” and when you say “Chili’s” they’ll tell you “Don’t get used to eating there. I feel sick.” And sometimes if they’re drunk enough, they’ll wander into Chili’s by accident, because they’ll think they’re someplace else. Then by the time they realize it’s Chili’s, they’re hungry and they’re there, so why not?
3. Women Who Hate Chili's, Even Though They've Never Eaten There.
Unfortunately, there are some girls that absolutely refuse to partake of even the occasional Chili’s dinner, no matter how hungry they might be. They've never eaten there, but they've seen the commercials for it, and they don't like how it looks. If she catches you driving down the street that Chili’s is on, she’ll immediately say “you know I’m not eating at Chili’s right?” even before you’ve asked her if she wants to eat there. You can’t even say, “What if we just get an appetizer?!” Not only do they not like Chili’s, but they look down on girls who do like Chili’s. And if you attempt to bring up a friend of theirs who you heard likes Chili’s, they’ll ask you “how do YOU know she likes Chili’s? Have you been to Chili’s with her?”
4. Women Who Can Not Get Enough Chili's
Then, finally, there’s girls who absolutely love Chili’s. They go to the bar at Chili’s, they watch games at Chili’s, when you’re out on the town and you ask them where they want to eat tonight, they probably won’t bring up Chili’s, but if they’re driving the car, they’ll just drive there and be like “Here we are at Chili’s!”
has somebody sent this to Chili's? I'm sure they'd love to know that their female customer demographic can be so easily broken down into the same categories as [Women: Anal Sex]
It certainly opens up some new advertising ideas. "If you love him, maybe you should give Chili's a try... or else he'll just go to Chili's with his friends and won't need you at all."
"Hey baby, come here I want to try something new!"
"I swear to god....."
*Insert sex noises*
"See that wasn't so bad."
"Yeah, Chili's doesn't suck so much after all!"
What Chris Rock bit did we steal? I can't find it, so if you have a link, post it, because I'm 100% sure if he did it, it's funnier than what we did, so I'd at least like to see it.
I like how you didn't mention anal sex throughout this article except for the beginning. You had to use the imagination. It may be Chris Rock material, but it's funny.
I am the President of Kazakhstan and I need to take my bride to Chili's so I convince her on the many and healthy benefits of anal sex; once girls try it, then can't stop begging for more!
Roll with it....it's just opinions and fun. I, myself, LOVE Chilis. This forum won't change my mind. Only my local Chilis can do that (if they ever disappoint me). Chill Chiliman...your future rests in your own hands not this forum.
(203 Comments)
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Holy Taco Goes to the Bahamas
January 15th, 2009 at 06:31 pm
has somebody sent this to Chili's? I'm sure they'd love to know that their female customer demographic can be so easily broken down into the same categories as [Women: Anal Sex]
January 16th, 2009 at 09:03 am
It certainly opens up some new advertising ideas. "If you love him, maybe you should give Chili's a try... or else he'll just go to Chili's with his friends and won't need you at all."
September 1st, 2009 at 12:24 am
"Hey baby, come here I want to try something new!"
"I swear to god....."
*Insert sex noises*
"See that wasn't so bad."
"Yeah, Chili's doesn't suck so much after all!"
*Ad: Try something new.....Eat at Chili's.
October 4th, 2009 at 05:57 pm
ya so what kind freek o they want thes gils are cristrock
November 26th, 2009 at 07:44 pm
reapper: is that some sort of mad-lib we're supposed to figured out? seriously, what the hell are you saying.
on a more relevant note: chili's is good when I'm in the mood :)
January 15th, 2009 at 07:06 pm
Wow, so a surprisingly true article...couldn't stop laughing, made my day.
January 15th, 2009 at 08:26 pm
This is racial profiling!
August 21st, 2009 at 07:04 am
No, it would be gender profiling IF it wasn't a parody.
September 9th, 2009 at 06:42 pm
Don't you know ya can't argue with Jesse Jackson!! Not nice making fun of retards.
October 7th, 2009 at 03:07 pm
RAINBOW-PUSH FTW!!!
January 15th, 2009 at 09:29 pm
I celebrated my last breakup at Chili's with my ex's roommate. We peppered in the Bottomless Express Lunch.
October 19th, 2009 at 04:01 pm
i am assuming you fucked your ex's roommate and THEN had chili's. or did you not even go to chili's?
January 15th, 2009 at 09:35 pm
This was funny the first time I heard this 10 years ago from Chris Rock
January 16th, 2009 at 08:45 am
What Chris Rock bit did we steal? I can't find it, so if you have a link, post it, because I'm 100% sure if he did it, it's funnier than what we did, so I'd at least like to see it.
January 20th, 2009 at 03:26 am
Chris Rocks bit was about Oral Sex. For example, girls that won't do it are like Betamax - "They still make you?"
September 1st, 2009 at 12:13 am
anonymous your a dousche this is nothing like the chris rock bit. leave those taco boys and girls alone.... hater!
October 7th, 2009 at 03:09 pm
im pretty sure it was from "Bigger & Blacker"...
October 4th, 2009 at 05:51 pm
ya so i and and get the freek on
January 16th, 2009 at 02:25 am
that was awesome.
January 16th, 2009 at 05:01 am
This might be old Chris Rock material but I'd forgotten about it and have to say it is absolutely bang on !! Cracked me up.
January 16th, 2009 at 06:13 am
@ Todders -- LMAO that shit is funny dood!
January 16th, 2009 at 06:26 am
Chris Rock...Holy Taco...whoever came up with this, funny ass shit!!!!
January 16th, 2009 at 07:25 am
He said ass
January 16th, 2009 at 06:45 am
I like how you didn't mention anal sex throughout this article except for the beginning. You had to use the imagination. It may be Chris Rock material, but it's funny.
January 16th, 2009 at 06:46 am
I own a Chili's franchise and I don't find this funny.
January 16th, 2009 at 07:10 am
i don't own a chili's and do find this funny.
January 16th, 2009 at 07:27 am
I own a Chilis franchise and do find this funny.
January 16th, 2009 at 07:56 am
I'm the president of Chili's and I have a coffee mug shoved up my ass right now.
January 16th, 2009 at 09:27 am
I'm the president of Cheddar's and am saddened that no one's heard of my restaraunt! *tear* It's exactly like Chili's!... And Applebees!
August 20th, 2009 at 06:19 pm
Buddy, you are pretty funny. Really.
August 26th, 2009 at 01:17 pm
I'm the President of Shenanigans, I have a mug shoved up my ass, and I found this funny.
August 30th, 2009 at 06:01 am
I am the President of Kazakhstan and I need to take my bride to Chili's so I convince her on the many and healthy benefits of anal sex; once girls try it, then can't stop begging for more!
September 11th, 2009 at 04:56 pm
i do not own a chilis and i find this funny
September 16th, 2009 at 03:03 pm
I swear to God I'm going to pistol whip the next guy who says, "Shenanigans."
September 19th, 2009 at 09:40 am
Pistol whip? really? I don't believe you- I'm calling Shenanigans on that. :D
October 7th, 2009 at 03:11 pm
HEY, FARVA!!! Whats the name of that place you like to eat again?.. You know, with all the funny shit on the walls?..
October 9th, 2009 at 06:51 pm
This string of replies needs to be longer.
January 4th, 2010 at 12:55 pm
I like the Ewoks :)
January 16th, 2009 at 08:01 am
I own an anus and find this funny
January 16th, 2009 at 05:06 pm
Now that's funny no matter who you are.
Larry the Cable Guy
January 16th, 2009 at 07:36 am
I wouldn't own or go to a Chili's but I would take my wife there to get her ready for Anal Sex.
January 16th, 2009 at 03:10 pm
I own 2 chillies and i love this article. It's going to really up our business with the buttsex people.
August 20th, 2009 at 11:04 am
Most obnoxious bit I've run across today.
I never cruise the HJershey highway, but would eat at Chili's.
September 9th, 2009 at 06:44 pm
If you eat at Chili's you ARE surfing the Hershey highway.
January 16th, 2009 at 08:01 am
you're a faggot
January 16th, 2009 at 08:58 am
What a duschebag
January 16th, 2009 at 09:08 am
Roll with it....it's just opinions and fun. I, myself, LOVE Chilis. This forum won't change my mind. Only my local Chilis can do that (if they ever disappoint me). Chill Chiliman...your future rests in your own hands not this forum.
August 27th, 2009 at 07:47 am
who spells douchebag that way
August 27th, 2009 at 11:44 am
douchebags
January 16th, 2009 at 06:56 am
'driving down the street Chilli's is on' - it's like a country and western lyric!!
genius
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