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The Anal Sex To Chili’s Restaurant Analogy

Recently we here at the Taco were talking about anal sex (shocking, I know) and we realized that the way women feel about anal sex is almost identical to the way they feel about eating at the restaurant Chili’s.  Here’s how we broke it down.
1. Women Who Don’t Love Chili’s But Will Eat There On Ocassion
A lot of women think Chili’s is just okay.  If they’re hungry and they’re near a Chili’s, you might be able to talk them in to eating there.   Or, if it’s your birthday, and Chili’s is your faaaavorite place to go, then your girlfriend might say “okay, fine, it’s your birthday, we’ll go to Chili’s and I won’t complain.  I’ll even order the Queso Skillet.”   They’ll never ask to go to Chili’s, but they can understand why you enjoy the food there, even though it’s not something healthy to have every day.
2. Women Who Will Only Eat At Chili’s When They’re Drunk.
If these women are sober, they’ll tell you how disgusting Chili’s is, and how they would NEVER eat there.  But as soon as they’re wasted, they’re like “I am craving for some Chili’s.”  Then the next morning they’ll be like “Oh my god, where did we eat last night?” and when you say “Chili’s” they’ll tell you “Don’t get used to eating there.  I feel sick.”  And sometimes if they’re drunk enough, they’ll wander into Chili’s by accident, because they’ll think they’re someplace else.  Then by the time they realize it’s Chili’s, they’re hungry and they’re there, so why not?

3. Women Who Hate Chili’s, Even Though They’ve Never Eaten There.
Unfortunately, there are some girls that absolutely refuse to partake of even the occasional Chili’s dinner, no matter how hungry they might be.  They’ve never eaten there, but they’ve seen the commercials for it, and they don’t like how it looks.  If she catches you driving down the street that Chili’s is on, she’ll immediately say “you know I’m not eating at Chili’s right?” even before you’ve asked her if she wants to eat there.  You can’t even say,  “What if we just get an appetizer?!”  Not only do they not like Chili’s, but they look down on girls who do like Chili’s.  And if you attempt to bring up a friend of theirs who you heard likes Chili’s, they’ll ask you “how do YOU know she likes Chili’s?  Have you been to Chili’s with her?”
4. Women Who Can Not Get Enough Chili’s
Then, finally, there’s girls who absolutely love Chili’s.  They go to the bar at Chili’s, they watch games at Chili’s, when you’re out on the town and you ask them where they want to eat tonight, they probably won’t bring up Chili’s, but if they’re driving the car, they’ll just drive there and be like “Here we are at Chili’s!”

210 Responses to "The Anal Sex To Chili’s Restaurant Analogy"

  1. Zen says:

    I am the President of Kazakhstan and I need to take my bride to Chili’s so I convince her on the many and healthy benefits of anal sex; once girls try it, then can’t stop begging for more!

  2. Scatman says:

    If you eat at Chili’s you ARE surfing the Hershey highway.

  3. Eggo says:

    I’m pretty sure Charlotte Church *would* eat a Chillis. Certainly when drunk at the very least.

  4. Anonymous says:

    I own a Chili’s franchise and I don’t find this funny.

  5. fart sandwich says:

    What the hell is a Cheddar’s???

  6. Coop says:

    I had anal sex at Chilis and skeezed in the bread bowl. who eats the bread bowl. what?

  7. Anonymous says:

    i don’t own a chili’s and do find this funny.

  8. jono says:

    ‘driving down the street Chilli’s is on’ – it’s like a country and western lyric!!


  9. Anonymous says:

    LMAO, that’s hilarioussss!!!! but true, hahahaha

    ps. you ppl ever heard of HEMORRHOIDS??? OUCHHHH

  10. Library says:

    Ironically, a trip to Chili’s should never be followed by anal sex…

  11. Anonymous says:


  12. Captain O'Hagan says:

    I swear to God I’m going to pistol whip the next guy who says, “Shenanigans.”

  13. i Hate Chili's says:

    My girlfriend Loves Chili’s but still wont have Anal Sex.

  14. Rubicon says:


  15. Anonfabulous says:

    Exactly! Because she didn’t like the service the first and only time she’s ever eaten at Chili’s she refuses to go back, no matter what town she’s in, how the storefront is presented, or how much she’s had to drink. She’s taken the Israeli motto of “Never Again” to heart and steeled her stomach to all future Chili’s-related experiences.

  16. Anonymous says:

    There is one type of Chili’s customer you forgot

    –The person who goes to Chili’s one time, hates it, and vows NEVER to return!

  17. Anonymous says:

    What a duschebag

  18. todders says:
    I’m the president of Cheddar’s and am saddened that no one’s heard of my restaraunt! *tear* It’s exactly like Chili’s!… And Applebees!
  19. Anonymous says:

    damn you sure did.

  20. nana says:

    either way she gets the shits

  21. Hi guys says:

    I like the Ewoks :)

  22. asdfsdfsdfsd says:

    i do not own a chilis and i find this funny

  23. Jay T. says:

    I’m pretty sure that one girl would have anal sex while eating at Chili’s.

  24. Ev says:

    You forgot about the 5th kind of girl. The one who says she wants to go to Chilis, but as soon as you and her get there she wants to leave. “I’m not having fun let’s leave.” You’re like “I just started, I’m not even close to finishing my food.”
    She’ll respond with “I don’t care, we’re leaving and if you give me too much crap I will never even talk about Chili’s again! Let’s just go to Taco bell.”
    “I’m sick of Taco Bell, we go there all the time. I want CHILI’S”

  25. BIGbadED says:

    I just had anal sex and now i have Chili all over my nob

  26. Anonymous says:


  27. JohnnyBrillcream says:

    I had a girlfriend once that would go from Chili’s to Applebees then to Bennigans all night long. She just could never get full.

  28. Hopcolyte says:

    Buddy, you are pretty funny. Really.

  29. Mr. T says:

    Sooo…if i like to eat at Chili’s and i’m a guy, does that make me gay? i’ll just pretend i dont like to eat there.

  30. shenanigans says:

    Pistol whip? really? I don’t believe you- I’m calling Shenanigans on that. :D

  31. TADA. says:

    ))<>(( !! awsome!

  32. shenanigans says:

    F**k yeah you screwed up.. you should be shot for that one man. Sorry, hand over your Man Card and place your testicles in a mason jar under the sink immediately. Your sentence- life in a Minivan.

    wow- there’s some poetry.. the words they want me to type below to submit this are: DP joining!! Swear to god! LOL

  33. The problem is, when you go to Chili’s a lot and keep ordering a Sloppy Joe, after a while the sandwiches get sloppier and you have to start asking for extra napkins.

    And after awhile, you start getting Sloppy Joe’s even when you don’t go to Chili’s, and you’re like, “Hey, I didn’t order this Sloppy Joe!” and then you spill some on your pants because you were in a hurry and your co-workers are like, “Man, it smells like Chili’s in here!”, and you’re like, “Sorry, I accidentally sat in some gravy!”

  34. Anonymous says:

    I own a Chilis franchise and do find this funny.

  35. Skot says:

    I wouldn’t own or go to a Chili’s but I would take my wife there to get her ready for Anal Sex.

  36. A.K. Jonny says:

    HEY, FARVA!!! Whats the name of that place you like to eat again?.. You know, with all the funny shit on the walls?..

  37. Jake says:

    Stop being a Catholic then… -_-

  38. Jeff says:

    I’m the President of Shenanigans, I have a mug shoved up my ass, and I found this funny.

  39. OrganHatch says:

    HAHAHAHAHAHA this is great. as mentioned already, I found it great that you had to use your “imagination” (not really, just substitute chilis for anal sex) but still great. And it is oh so true.

  40. Anonymous says:

    yeah its this new thing called a yeast infection

  41. Rulomeister says:


  42. anonymous says:

    I own 2 chillies and i love this article. It’s going to really up our business with the buttsex people.

  43. Chili eh? says:

    Oh yeah that’s it eat it, eat it, oh eat it all!

  44. Dom says:

    I like how you didn’t mention anal sex throughout this article except for the beginning. You had to use the imagination. It may be Chris Rock material, but it’s funny.

  45. Chris Rock…Holy Taco…whoever came up with this, funny ass shit!!!!

  46. A. Nonny Mouse says:

    Most obnoxious bit I’ve run across today.
    I never cruise the HJershey highway, but would eat at Chili’s.

  47. Hossi says:

    Every time I bang my g up the ass I am always afraid shit will come out

    It is scary, then I need to go to church and confess my sin to the priest since the Catholic church only allows the missionary position( really, just that one and if I do another I have to confess)

  48. Pro Ear Cleaner says:

    This string of replies needs to be longer.

  49. cory says:
    I’m the president of Chili’s and I have a coffee mug shoved up my ass right now.
  50. FU-n says:

    Sure she may have chilli up her ass but that just means you’ll get a chilli dog. Everyone likes chilli dogs every now and again. If I get a chilli dog, shes getting a chilli taco. If I have chilli on my wang, why shouldn’t she have chilli on her pus.

  51. The Infamous Rustybumperjack© says:

    My wife fits #3, my ex-wife was straight up #4. Man did I screw up.

  52. fagbag says:

    who spells douchebag that way

  53. Beer nuts says:

    I’m thinking Chili’s

  54. Anonymous says:

    Now that’s funny no matter who you are.
    Larry the Cable Guy

  55. Anonymous says:

    This is exactly what turned me off of it. I thought- wait a minute – I own a Chili’s Franchise – maybe I should just stick to Applebee’s…

  56. GEC says:

    Roll with it….it’s just opinions and fun. I, myself, LOVE Chilis. This forum won’t change my mind. Only my local Chilis can do that (if they ever disappoint me). Chill Chiliman…your future rests in your own hands not this forum.

  57. HAZARATKHAN says:

    He said ass

  58. Anonymous says:

    you’re a faggot

  59. Anonymous says:

    I own an anus and find this funny

  60. Dman says:

    HAHAHAHAH….. this response should be added to the post…. just perfect

  61. Quasimofo says:

    You forgot to mention the girls who get the tossed salad when they go to Chili’s.

  62. Anonymous says:

    Chili’s rules… what the hell you smoking?

  63. powz says:

    not sure i want some chilli’s after eating chilli’s

  64. Anonymous says:

    Sorry. No offense guy but I have a strict policy never to take sex advice from people who post comments on internet stories.
    That’s like asking a fish for some matches or a lighter.

  65. Jalepeno says:

    Does the anal sex happen after Chilis or before?

  66. smoke-n-gamble says:

    Chilli’s is best when your drunk and shes not, that way you forget she was screaming stop the whole time and you enjoy it more!!!

  67. Anonymous says:

    I’ve only been to chilis after either drinking and/or by myself. I don’t know how to tell him that I do occasionally like going to chilis.

  68. Anonymous says:

    gay gay gay gay gay. and gay.

  69. Buddy Ice says:

    Hi. I like you, maybe you can learn to like me. We can go on a date and you can hit all the parked cars you want. Did I mention that I like you? You sound smart, and loose, and cool too.

  70. anonymous says:


  71. Amber says:

    I’m a girl. Chili’s isn’t favorite, but I’ll eat there anyway because I’m not an uppity bitch and I like steak. Anal sex, on the other hand, is one of my favorite things, but not every guy will do it because “it’s weird” so I incessantly berate them until they give in to my demands. Is there some sort of classification/analogy for me besides “awesome”? Because I don’t think there is…

  72. Anonymous says:

    awww, someone’s got a sore corn hole, you fucking worthless ass-reamed chili’s employee.

  73. Amber says:

    Yeah, being really hung can make things more difficult than they need to be. But again, take your time.

  74. Amber says:

    I’ve never gotten sore, I don’t know what you’re doing wrong. My sister worked at Chili’s in high school, but I never did.I’m just slutty I guess.

  75. Anonymous says:

    I work there id laugh if i saw that or if she was hot id ask to join but ill take the good stuff lol

  76. Amber says:

    You’re stupid. Go fist yourself. Loser.

  77. Anonymous says:

    Chili’s gives benefits for two days of work a week.

  78. Anonymous says:

    lmao ?

  79. Amber says:

    What are you, Mormon?

  80. Amused says:

    I enjoy anal sex. I don’t want it all the time, but you gotta have variety. I’ll even ask for it sometimes. One boyfriend didn’t want to do it, but I talked him into it, and he was a changed man. He couldn’t get enough. I, on the other hand, could.

    That said, I’m not the biggest fan of Chili’s. I’ll go if someone else is paying.

  81. Anonymous says:

    Anal sex and eating at Chiliies has alot in common. The latter taste like shit!!!

  82. Anonymous says:

    I think you were barred after asking everyone how is babby formed.

  83. Anonymous says:


  84. Anonymous says:

    I need her phone number so we can buy each other a dinner at chili’s

  85. Anonymous says:

    then after eating chilli’s my girlfriend has to take a dump.

  86. Anonymous says:

    Most girls won’t get to the 5th or 6th time to figure out if they like it or not regardless of the time it is given.

    The fact that you tried it that many times before making your mind up is commendable. The world needs more females like you and I’m not being sarcastic.

  87. Anonymous says:

    if you have trouble getting your girl to buy into the whole idea, here’s my trick. works every time.

    go down on the bitch and tease the hell out of her until she’s just gagging for it and then just put the tip of your finger or your tongue on her asshole. nothing aggressive – just a presence – just enough to let her know something is there. she’ll LOVE it trust me and be so up for a little ass action. but don’t think you can then start fingering or pounding the hell out of it – especially if this is her first time. just take it slow.

    the hardest part is convincing her to actually do what she deep down knows she wants but can’t admit to.

    i’ve said my piece. mark my words – you’ll have success if you follow my advice.

  88. Anonymous says:

    What is your secret? We have engaged in anal sex, but have not enjoyed the rapture you have described.
    I keep trying, but sometimes the reception is cool.
    Any advice to help us along would be most appreciated! I don’t think it’s weird, but ache to have the experience you describe.
    Chili’s is fine by me.

  89. Anonymous says:

    What a rapist pig.

  90. Anonymous says:

    i hate it when a girl says she wants to go to chili’s , then as soon as you get your head in the door she changes her mind.

  91. Anonymous says:

    ***** | Dank | Results

    “Life is Results…or Bullshit

  92. Anonymous says:

    i let my g/f take me to chili’s every now and then.

  93. Anonymous says:

    I bet your assholes so loose shit just falls out and you have shit stains on your undies cause poo just cant help but fall out when your standing

    What a weirdo lol you like the feeling of continuously pooing

  94. Anonymous says:

    yo, dufus; do you have idea of the concept of the article?

  95. Anonymous says:


  96. reapper says:

    hay amber what chillis do want like anlesex do like stack of slomy

  97. reapper says:

    really do she do slomy in corks

  98. reapper says:

    amber im dreaming of something anlsexyboby so go to chillys and thick about sex and man next to in bed

  99. reapper says:

    aber is my baby what hell do want from my freening gil at chilys smartass

  100. ron says:

    i tell ya if i found a woman that liked anal like you do and insists on it,i would be in heaven.
    tell your men its tighter,cooler and smoother for them.
    tell them they’ll never forget it and to use alot of lube.
    after that we’ll you can tell the rest,for me i prefer it over vaginal sex any day, but cant get mine to even try it.PERIOD!!
    i even told mine that i can take what i put out meaning she could do it to me, even a strap on of the same size ,but to no avail, it just doesnt work.i think im to big for her or something,ive been told so anyway from the few ive been with.who says a big tally wacker is the thing to have,the best is mid sized.

  101. Anonymous says:

    This is fucking stupid.

    Fuck you in hell forever.

  102. Anonymous says:

    She is right. I was bucked…and locked out…

  103. reapper says:

    i dint know you gay from chils

  104. Gaspar Ramsey says:

    I absolutely agree. This is just cheesy soft-core porn. So why did we read it?

  105. Amber says:

    The trick? TAKE YOUR TIME. Don’t treat slot B like it’s slot A. They may be close together, but they are opposite in many ways. Treating the backdoor like it’s the front door will lead to your girl never ever wanting to do it with you ever again. The first 5 minutes should be really slow. Go an inch, work it a for 30 or so seconds, then go another inch. You’ll be able to feel her relax after a while, and things should be good after that. Try different positions too. It may take a few tries before you’re successful, but it’s worth it. It took me 5 or 6 times before I really liked it. And a good rule to stick to is not to do it harder unless she says you can — otherwise you’ll get bucked off like a bull rider and the backdoor will be closed to you forever.

  106. Anonymous says:

    So like did hitting parked cars become, you know, a habit?

  107. Anonymous says:

    It’s worth it.

  108. john says:

    Can anyone doubt that a lot of you out there really need some serious therapy? And Amber, I think I love you.

  109. Anonymous says:

    All you have to do is give him a nod of the head when he drives by Chilis, or it’s as simple as just grabbing the stick and putting it in reverse if he’s driving by. It’s gone through his head. He’ll be excited to go with you.

  110. Amber says:

    One of the first times I did it and liked it was after I had crashed my boyfriend’s truck when I was 19. It made me feel less guilty, and he was beyond happy because he was kind of a pervert and he hadn’t shut up about anal in weeks, and it totally made me like it! All in all, hitting that parked car changed my life for the better! And deep down I knew I needed to be punished for hitting a parked car. Come to think of it, I think that’s what got me into spanking too.

  111. Anonymous says:


  112. chillies employee says:

    well i guess no one else is going to say it. the very best way to enjoy chillis is just to take her there. weather she wants to go or not. dont take your time with the inches or what ever, just hold her down in front of the mirror and force feed her chillis. then when she starts crying and screaming “please no more chillis im begging you”, you simply tell her something soothing and romantic like “shut up and eat this chillis like a slut” or “this is for wrecking my car last week bitch”.

  113. Anonymous says:

    i like to turn my chicks knot into an awesome blossom

  114. Anonymous says:

    Are you kidding me? anal rocks, but this analogy was weak sauce…

  115. Mjay says:

    why do straight guys like anaL? I an understand with gay guys cuz that’s the only hole to use. please xplain you horny queerdos.

  116. MSUDonkey says:

    1. It’s warm

    2. It’s tight

    3. It’s degrading to women

    Simple. That is why straight guys love it!

  117. Anonymous says:

    Because you’re obviously around 15 years old and haven’t been around.

  118. reapper says:

    oh ya that way you joy the fun of feamale suk my hotdog im going
    to hodog joynt to have more chilys or tcobell for some bretto snack on

  119. TrillVille says:

    that was awesome.

  120. Al Sharpton says:

    Don’t you know ya can’t argue with Jesse Jackson!! Not nice making fun of retards.

  121. Sid says:

    No, it would be gender profiling IF it wasn’t a parody.

  122. Jessie Jackson says:

    This is racial profiling!

  123. A.K. Jonny says:


  124. Anonymous says:

    I like to eat at chili’s alone ,when the wife is not home,

  125. Rulomeister says:


  126. Josh says:

    That’s sounds really wrong man.

  127. KarissaMay says:

    The replies were the best part LMFAO, I dont think I’ve ever read a whole page of peoples replies till today… We should do this again…Till next time!

  128. Men who love Chili's says:

    Men who love Chili’s are there all the time with or without women. Those that claim to really like women, like Chili’s more and therefore don’t care who they spend time wiht as long as the are at Chili’s. There have been many terms created for these Chili lovers Bi-, Downlow, or in the Closet. That just my opinion and every AH (male or female). So women you might want to check up on your guy who love Chili’s, he’s probably gone there a few times with his best buddy.

  129. A Nonny Mouse says:

    I’m the real A Nonny Mouse and I LOVE Chili’s and thought it was funny!

  130. she's right you know says:

    hilarious! they should make this website mandatory reading!

  131. Anonymous says:

    You forgot the woman who used to eat at Chili’s with her ex-boyfriend but refuses to eat there now that she’s with you.

  132. Anonymous says:

    yea, gahy gahy gahy and gahy!!!!!!

  133. Anonymous says:

    doesn’t poo go everywhere?

  134. AnnaNeeMouse says:

    I don’t get the correlation. I hate Chilli’s, but I love anal.

  135. MSUDonkey says:

    That is the best part.

  136. meep says:

    #3 is Charlotte Church lmao

  137. Joey ballz says:

    I just read most of these messages, and have to say it was pretty damn funny and entertaining

  138. Joey ballz says:

    Haha funny shit

  139. Anonymous says:

    Quero ver vocês agüentam comer um cu cheio de pimenta ! (Translate it from portuguese)

  140. lovesanal..err chilis says:

    I would soooo love to take the girl on the far right, on the second pic, to chilis….i’d get her as hammered as possible to get her to chilis….at least 3 times…..and any girl who absolutely loves to go to chilis….i’ll take you there any day baby.

  141. Anonymous says:


  142. Anonymous says:

    Hit me with a market tested Chili’s mocha-swirl douchatini and I’ll put out.

  143. Anonymous says:

    Sometimes I dine at Chili’s alone.

  144. sithhead says:

    “Sorry you’re on the rag hon. Wanna go to Chili’s?”

  145. A. Nonimoose says:

    I thought Arby’s was the forbidden zone, not Chili’s.

  146. Barry says:

    You forgot “Girls that will ONLY eat at Chili’s”. Most of these girls go to Catholic school. They may or may not like the food at Chili’s, but their boyfriends certainly do, and it’s the only place where they can eat without wearing a bib or other protective gear, and still not worry about getting sauce where they don’t want it.

  147. manbearpig says:

    To the guy who asked what that makes applebees…

    It makes applebees, sex on the rag!!

  148. It Burns says:

    I have several Chilis crammed up my doodie hole right this minute. And I will eat Chilis again!

  149. Ouch says:

    So I’m eating with this girl at Grandy’s and she says “Go ahead and take me to Chilis too”. So I did. Before we were finished with the main course, the hot lava cake came out EARLY. What a mess. I paid for it alright. I ended up only leaving the tip.

  150. retards says:

    hahahahha absolutely hilarious, you suck

  151. The Dudester says:

    This is a true but sad story:

    I dated a girl one time who actually preferred eating at chili’s every single time after I introduced her to Chili’s. After awhile, Chili’s became less of an event because we went there for nearly every meal. She asked why I didn’t like to eat there anymore. I told her I loved eating at Chili’s but I just didn’t want to eat there with her anymore. You see, her plate had grown way too big for me to enjoy my meal.

    I suggested to her that we invite one of her cute friends to eat at Chili’s with us but she thought that was disgusting. So one night she caught me and another girl together waiting in line for Chili’s. I was going to ask her to join us but she became irate and told me that I could never eat at Chili’s with her again. The new girl was alot better anyhow. She was even more into Chili’s than I was. It got to the point to where she loved Chili’s so much that she would lick my plate clean while enjoying my cheese sticks. We called that ordering an “awesome blossom”. Her plate was smaller and alot more durable than the first girl’s plate.

    The new girl was great for awhile. But she started going to Chili’s with everyone and then lying to me about it. I was going to Chili’s with other girls too but I didn’t appreciate her lying to me. It got so bad that everytime she and I went to Chili’s I had visions in my head of her licking some other guy’s plate clean. I have never been stingy so I also gave her the same option of eating at Chili’s with one of her cute friends, or even another couple. That would be fine with me so long as I didn’t have to touch the other guy’s plate or cheese sticks and vice versa. I was really trying to get her to share an awesome blossom with another chick while I watched. Well, she got made and told me to go to hell. She went off and married some guy who never takes her to Chili’s.

    Now that I’m married my wife will only go to Chili’s on my birthday, if I buy her something really cool, or if she’s really drunk. An awesome blossom is not even an option. In the end it’s usually just too much trouble so we drive by Chili’s and act like it isn’t even there. I still think about Chili’s from time to time, but in reality……I hate that fucking place.

  152. CaliChick says:

    The last time I went to Chili’s was terrible. It made me realize that I had never really had a good time there, so I’m never going back.

  153. Mastablubba says:

    Hellow yo

    just watched this lustily bum Shaking Video on youtube…

    check it out!


    May you can share something similar.

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  154. Anonymous says:


  155. gr8scott says:

    The article was funny, but the comments were funny as hell.

    I rock!!

  156. Anonymous says:

    You forgot one more category: Those of us who have honestly given Chili’s a try, even gone several times, and finally decided we just didn’t like it, and won’t go back.

    See you at the Macaroni Grill.

  157. Chooch says:

    This shit was corny!!

  158. Nobody says:

    Anal sex and Chili’s can be construed together, but one thing is for certain – if your girl EATS at Chili’s, you wont want anal sex for at least a couple of days, or until that nasty stops firing outta her backdoor like a scud missle out of Iraq during the Gulf War…

    (on a side note, my captcha words are “11″ and “pregnant”…WTF?)

  159. Chili's employee says:

    Chili’s = good. Anal sex = weird times. Have them both and that = good…weird times.

  160. jack says:

    i went there and i shit sideways for a week

  161. Bob Fairlane says:

    hahahhah a sausce where they don’t want it. I can’t breathe laughing hahahahan

  162. Bob Fairlane says:

    until you get a new boyfriend that promises to be polite and gentle.

  163. Bob Fairlane says:

    re: captcha. My last captcha said “Alabama Pothead”. Where do people sign up for a job writing these? lol.

  164. Bob Fairlane says:

    You need your own youtube channel! 5/5

  165. Bob Fairlane says:

    Not Right Now You Don’t

  166. Jeff says:

    You forgot the chick who ate at Chili’s once, had a bad experience (found a bone in her cheeseburger, maybe a hair in her mashed potatoes), and will under no circumstances eat there ever again.

  167. VideoVampire says:

    Well what does that make Applebee’s?

  168. Anonymous says:

    This is one of the funnies things I’ve read in a long time. The comments rival the article. EV, yor’re too funny.

  169. Ryan Walker says:

    Hahaha don’t the guys on ACCIDENTALLY ON PURPOSE, the new CBS show on Monday night, go to Chili’s in an episode. I love that show, so funny!

  170. Anonymous says:

    This was funny the first time I heard this 10 years ago from Chris Rock

  171. justin says:
    What Chris Rock bit did we steal?  I can’t find it, so if you have a link, post it, because I’m 100% sure if he did it, it’s funnier than what we did, so I’d at least like to see it.
  172. reapper says:

    ya so i and and get the freek on

  173. Anonymous!!!! says:

    WTF ARE YOU SAYING???????? thats not even a sentence….. if your not Miss South Carolina is swear your related to her.

  174. VideoVampire says:

    Hey Russell, Rodeo sex is when you getinside her then call her by her sisters name and see how long you can hold on. Probably would work at Chilli’s though.

  175. A wonderful night at the rodeo says:

    I did that.

    Told her I’d call her by her sister’s name. Then did. Then, basically got her(after we were done) to take me to her house, where I’d bang her sister in front of her. She did. I however, didn’t bang her sister, because I think she picked up on something strange, and left quickly to go to work.

    Best time of my life; not sure about the sis, because after that, she was always happy to see me.

    No I did not pull out.
    Yes, I did call her her sister’s name when I spewed.

    Don’t believe me(well, of course why would you), I don’t give a shit. Best time in my life and will remember it to my grave.

  176. Mr. Poopoopachu says:

    I celebrated my last breakup at Chili’s with my ex’s roommate. We peppered in the Bottomless Express Lunch.

  177. Andrew says:

    i am assuming you fucked your ex’s roommate and THEN had chili’s. or did you not even go to chili’s?

  178. fullloadinmypants says:

    @ Todders — LMAO that shit is funny dood!

  179. Russell says:

    3 things:

    1 – Why use lube? Just use her shit, moron, it’s in her butthole, and you JUST ate at chili’s.

    2- People that type internet posts and misspell words should be shot. ‘Whether’ is not the same as ‘weather’, clownshoes.

    3 – Ever heard of the ‘bucking bronco? It is where you are getting her from behind (slot A), and you suddenly, efficiently, and accurately, remove said penis from said slot, ram it into the cornhole, and try to hold on for 8 seconds while she kicks and screams. if the penis remains in the cornhole for 8 seconds…you win!

  180. Anonymous says:

    I thought it was where you’re “getting her from behind” and then you scream out the name of her sister or that hot girl at your work that she’s jealous of.

  181. Anonymous says:

    number please ?

  182. Anonymous says:

    Well, I am not a chili’s fan. Never Have been, never will be. My EX sure was tho, anyone out there want her phone #? LMAO

  183. kevin says:

    I love my Baby Back, Baby Back, Baby Back, …..BBQ Sauce!!!

  184. Anonymous says:

    I suppose I am an avid Chili’s fanatic. I’m 39 and it took me a few years and the right partner to figure out how great it could be. But it has to be the right person and they have to have an idea what they are doing. It is not an everyday thing but one of those spontaneous anything goes moments when there is total loss of thought and can’t get enough of each other. Just like a happy ending to oral, anal sex is something that you want once in a while so you can truly enjoy the pleasure. Too much of something like that and it ruins the whole experience.

  185. A.K. Jonny says:

    im pretty sure it was from “Bigger & Blacker”…

  186. Anonymous says:

    Chris Rocks bit was about Oral Sex. For example, girls that won’t do it are like Betamax – “They still make you?”

  187. king baron says:

    anonymous your a dousche this is nothing like the chris rock bit. leave those taco boys and girls alone…. hater!

  188. Anonymous says:

    Why is this crap on aol?

  189. Anonymous says:

    yes this is crap….

  190. Anonymous says:

    It certainly opens up some new advertising ideas. “If you love him, maybe you should give Chili’s a try… or else he’ll just go to Chili’s with his friends and won’t need you at all.”

  191. Anonymous 1 says:

    “Hey baby, come here I want to try something new!”
    “I swear to god…..”
    *Insert sex noises*
    “See that wasn’t so bad.”
    “Yeah, Chili’s doesn’t suck so much after all!”

    *Ad: Try something new…..Eat at Chili’s.

  192. reapper says:

    ya so what kind freek o they want thes gils are cristrock

  193. Anonymous says:

    has somebody sent this to Chili’s? I’m sure they’d love to know that their female customer demographic can be so easily broken down into the same categories as [Women: Anal Sex]

  194. BC says:

    reapper: is that some sort of mad-lib we’re supposed to figured out? seriously, what the hell are you saying.

    on a more relevant note: chili’s is good when I’m in the mood :)

  195. retards says:

    This is a pathetic attempt at being funny, nuff said…

  196. Anonymous says:

    “Anal”ogy. Duh.

  197. T-bone says:

    I think the meaning of the word ‘analogy’ has been lost on some of these posters.

  198. What if we just get an appetizer?! = just the tip

  199. This is Killing Mea says:

    duschebag: a German purse or suite case? That is the coolest spelling of that word EVER!

    I found this place by accident looking for a picture Keyra Augustinas Ass because I had never heard of Keyra Augustina before 5 minutes ago (nice ass!!!) and only heard of her here because I was looking at bad unicorn tatoos which I found because of some some Brock Samson Led Zeppelin trivia link I came upon after trying to find out when the new Venture Brothers is going come on TV so I can download of the internet.

    And of course the words “anal sex” caught my eye and I can click on things like that ’cause I use Firefox with Noscript.

    10 years ago I was driving on the 101 in northern California when on the Bob and Tom radio show they did a parody of QVC selling Brittany Spears vagina on an infomercial. This was back when B.S.’s virginity was a big deal (hard to imagine now I know)because Disney was making it a big deal I guess. The said in that scratchy voice they had on one and it is so tight even if you buy it you probably aren’t gettin’ in there. So they were going to throw in a spark plug gapper but you would probably need something like the “jaws of life” to get it open.

    I needed new headlights and had to pound out several dents in the grill and hood of my jeep after the accident. My head was bleeding and I still could not stop laughing.

    That’s how I was laughing 10 minutes ago when reading this thing.

    Thanks. Haters you suck. And excuse my while I go find the testicle that just popped out cause I was laughing so hard.

    Thing is, I HAVE ALWAYS LOVED CHILIS! (The actual restaurant) Since high school. And have always had a hell of a time getting anyone to go there with me. And no matter how they changed the menu, or often I would get a not so good meal, I was still glad I went and always planned to come back, possibly to the other one acroos town maybe…. so I know IT’S TRUE!

    validation words: “pounds codified” That’s what I’m talkin’ bout!

  200. Anonymous says:

    i think chili’s is overrated

  201. bebop says:

    one time anthony kiedis and i were drinking frozen margaritas at cheddars and he looked into my eyes and said, “have you ever found yourself at the edge of the abyss staring into its murky blackness only to see yourself staring back at you and in that instant realized that you were one with all creation and that there was no good or evil, but we were all just distinctly flawed prisms who took in the light only to refract it out into a million different directions in a million different colors that we couldn’t even mix to paint a mural of our lives if we had gods pallet and all of eternity?”
    I said said “no tony”
    and he said “do we have anymore smack?”
    then I said “you mean heroin? we never had any tony, i kept telling you that was goldbond”
    then he just got up from the table, stuck me with the bill and I never saw him again

  202. Bob Fairlane says:

    oh shit that was funny. Email me more!

  203. Anonymous one says:

    mmm..anal beads.. I mean South West Eggrolls..lmao

  204. Anonymous says:

    all i know is it took 2 gilfriends before i could even get through the door of chili’s now i get my current woman to go there and now im going to marry her, so girls go there eat alittle and see what happens you never know what could become of it.

  205. Anonymous says:

    We were eating at another restaurant one night this summer and I asked my wife if she’d like to go to Chiii’s sometime. She kind of shrugged and smiled. Sometimes I’d catch her reading a menu for Chili’s online. For the next few weeks every time we’d go out to dinner, I’d drive past a Chili’s so she got used to the idea without me saying anything. One time I pointed at it and she said, “Mmmm. Chili’s might be good.” After a few weeks we were eating dinner and she said I could go anywhere I wanted for dessert.

    “Anywhere?” I asked. She said, “Mmm-hmm.” On the way home, I put on the turn signal and looked over at her when I started turning into Chili’s. She just said, “We need to eat slow so I don’t get sick.” So we ate at Chili’s.

    Eventually, she started telling me when we were going to Chili’s for dinner.

    So, the moral of the story is, if you want to try Chili’s and your wife or girlfriend is hesitant, just take your time and let her get used to the idea of eating at Chili’s. Show her a menu, drive past, and maybe dinner at Chili’s will be her idea.

  206. Anonymous says:

    Wow, so a surprisingly true article…couldn’t stop laughing, made my day.

  207. Rooman says:

    This might be old Chris Rock material but I’d forgotten about it and have to say it is absolutely bang on !! Cracked me up.

  208. jj says:

    Have you ever noticed there’s definitely a prim and proper subtype that will never suggest Chili’s, never drive there, never even acknowledge the place exists. But no matter how many times you take them there, they will NEVER say no. God bless them!

  209. Bob Fairlane says:

    What the heck? Hahaha this is hilarious. Chili’s the restaurant can’t do anything about it because their food is awesome and their service is top notch across the country, and they won’t lose $1 over an off the wall sex joke. BFD.

  210. Priapus says:

    I love their Corn and Donut Hole all you can eat platter.