Recently we here at the Taco were talking about anal sex (shocking, I know) and we realized that the way women feel about anal sex is almost identical to the way they feel about eating at the restaurant Chili's. Here's how we broke it down.
1. Women Who Don't Love Chili's But Will Eat There On Ocassion
A lot of womenthink Chili’s is just okay. If they’re hungry and they’re near a Chili’s, you might be able to talk them in to eating there. Or, if it’s your birthday, and Chili’s is your faaaavorite place to go, then your girlfriend might say “okay, fine, it’s your birthday, we’ll go to Chili’s and I won’t complain. I’ll even order the Queso Skillet.” They'll never ask to go to Chili's, but they can understand why you enjoy the food there, even though it's not something healthy to have every day.
2. Women Who Will Only Eat At Chili's When They're Drunk.
If these women are sober, they’ll tell you how disgusting Chili’s is, and how they would NEVER eat there. But as soon as they’re wasted, they’re like “I am craving for some Chili’s.” Then the next morning they’ll be like “Oh my god, where did we eat last night?” and when you say “Chili’s” they’ll tell you “Don’t get used to eating there. I feel sick.” And sometimes if they’re drunk enough, they’ll wander into Chili’s by accident, because they’ll think they’re someplace else. Then by the time they realize it’s Chili’s, they’re hungry and they’re there, so why not?
3. Women Who Hate Chili's, Even Though They've Never Eaten There.
Unfortunately, there are some girls that absolutely refuse to partake of even the occasional Chili’s dinner, no matter how hungry they might be. They've never eaten there, but they've seen the commercials for it, and they don't like how it looks. If she catches you driving down the street that Chili’s is on, she’ll immediately say “you know I’m not eating at Chili’s right?” even before you’ve asked her if she wants to eat there. You can’t even say, “What if we just get an appetizer?!” Not only do they not like Chili’s, but they look down on girls who do like Chili’s. And if you attempt to bring up a friend of theirs who you heard likes Chili’s, they’ll ask you “how do YOU know she likes Chili’s? Have you been to Chili’s with her?”
4. Women Who Can Not Get Enough Chili's
Then, finally, there’s girls who absolutely love Chili’s. They go to the bar at Chili’s, they watch games at Chili’s, when you’re out on the town and you ask them where they want to eat tonight, they probably won’t bring up Chili’s, but if they’re driving the car, they’ll just drive there and be like “Here we are at Chili’s!”
F**k yeah you screwed up.. you should be shot for that one man. Sorry, hand over your Man Card and place your testicles in a mason jar under the sink immediately. Your sentence- life in a Minivan.
wow- there's some poetry.. the words they want me to type below to submit this are: DP joining!! Swear to god! LOL
The problem is, when you go to Chili's a lot and keep ordering a Sloppy Joe, after a while the sandwiches get sloppier and you have to start asking for extra napkins.
And after awhile, you start getting Sloppy Joe's even when you don't go to Chili's, and you're like, "Hey, I didn't order this Sloppy Joe!" and then you spill some on your pants because you were in a hurry and your co-workers are like, "Man, it smells like Chili's in here!", and you're like, "Sorry, I accidentally sat in some gravy!"
HAHAHAHAHAHA this is great. as mentioned already, I found it great that you had to use your "imagination" (not really, just substitute chilis for anal sex) but still great. And it is oh so true.
Exactly! Because she didn't like the service the first and only time she's ever eaten at Chili's she refuses to go back, no matter what town she's in, how the storefront is presented, or how much she's had to drink. She's taken the Israeli motto of "Never Again" to heart and steeled her stomach to all future Chili's-related experiences.
You forgot about the 5th kind of girl. The one who says she wants to go to Chilis, but as soon as you and her get there she wants to leave. "I'm not having fun let's leave." You're like "I just started, I'm not even close to finishing my food."
She'll respond with "I don't care, we're leaving and if you give me too much crap I will never even talk about Chili's again! Let's just go to Taco bell."
"I'm sick of Taco Bell, we go there all the time. I want CHILI'S"
Every time I bang my g up the ass I am always afraid shit will come out
It is scary, then I need to go to church and confess my sin to the priest since the Catholic church only allows the missionary position( really, just that one and if I do another I have to confess)
Sure she may have chilli up her ass but that just means you'll get a chilli dog. Everyone likes chilli dogs every now and again. If I get a chilli dog, shes getting a chilli taco. If I have chilli on my wang, why shouldn't she have chilli on her pus.
I'm a girl. Chili's isn't favorite, but I'll eat there anyway because I'm not an uppity bitch and I like steak. Anal sex, on the other hand, is one of my favorite things, but not every guy will do it because "it's weird" so I incessantly berate them until they give in to my demands. Is there some sort of classification/analogy for me besides "awesome"? Because I don't think there is...
What is your secret? We have engaged in anal sex, but have not enjoyed the rapture you have described.
I keep trying, but sometimes the reception is cool.
Any advice to help us along would be most appreciated! I don't think it's weird, but ache to have the experience you describe.
Chili's is fine by me.
The trick? TAKE YOUR TIME. Don't treat slot B like it's slot A. They may be close together, but they are opposite in many ways. Treating the backdoor like it's the front door will lead to your girl never ever wanting to do it with you ever again. The first 5 minutes should be really slow. Go an inch, work it a for 30 or so seconds, then go another inch. You'll be able to feel her relax after a while, and things should be good after that. Try different positions too. It may take a few tries before you're successful, but it's worth it. It took me 5 or 6 times before I really liked it. And a good rule to stick to is not to do it harder unless she says you can -- otherwise you'll get bucked off like a bull rider and the backdoor will be closed to you forever.
Most girls won't get to the 5th or 6th time to figure out if they like it or not regardless of the time it is given.
The fact that you tried it that many times before making your mind up is commendable. The world needs more females like you and I'm not being sarcastic.
i tell ya if i found a woman that liked anal like you do and insists on it,i would be in heaven.
tell your men its tighter,cooler and smoother for them.
tell them they'll never forget it and to use alot of lube.
after that we'll you can tell the rest,for me i prefer it over vaginal sex any day, but cant get mine to even try it.PERIOD!!
i even told mine that i can take what i put out meaning she could do it to me, even a strap on of the same size ,but to no avail, it just doesnt work.i think im to big for her or something,ive been told so anyway from the few ive been with.who says a big tally wacker is the thing to have,the best is mid sized.
ron
(201 Comments)
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Holy Taco Goes to the Bahamas
January 16th, 2009 at 01:37 pm
damn you sure did.
September 19th, 2009 at 09:46 am
F**k yeah you screwed up.. you should be shot for that one man. Sorry, hand over your Man Card and place your testicles in a mason jar under the sink immediately. Your sentence- life in a Minivan.
wow- there's some poetry.. the words they want me to type below to submit this are: DP joining!! Swear to god! LOL
January 16th, 2009 at 07:59 am
The problem is, when you go to Chili's a lot and keep ordering a Sloppy Joe, after a while the sandwiches get sloppier and you have to start asking for extra napkins.
And after awhile, you start getting Sloppy Joe's even when you don't go to Chili's, and you're like, "Hey, I didn't order this Sloppy Joe!" and then you spill some on your pants because you were in a hurry and your co-workers are like, "Man, it smells like Chili's in here!", and you're like, "Sorry, I accidentally sat in some gravy!"
January 16th, 2009 at 08:44 am
HAHAHAHAH..... this response should be added to the post.... just perfect
January 17th, 2009 at 08:31 am
LMAO, that's hilarioussss!!!! but true, hahahaha
ps. you ppl ever heard of HEMORRHOIDS??? OUCHHHH
January 16th, 2009 at 08:17 am
I'm thinking Chili's
January 16th, 2009 at 08:23 am
HAHAHAHAHAHA this is great. as mentioned already, I found it great that you had to use your "imagination" (not really, just substitute chilis for anal sex) but still great. And it is oh so true.
January 16th, 2009 at 08:33 am
Perfect.
January 16th, 2009 at 08:50 am
You forgot to mention the girls who get the tossed salad when they go to Chili's.
January 16th, 2009 at 08:50 am
Chili's rules... what the hell you smoking?
January 16th, 2009 at 08:56 am
There is one type of Chili's customer you forgot
--The person who goes to Chili's one time, hates it, and vows NEVER to return!
August 20th, 2009 at 01:37 pm
Exactly! Because she didn't like the service the first and only time she's ever eaten at Chili's she refuses to go back, no matter what town she's in, how the storefront is presented, or how much she's had to drink. She's taken the Israeli motto of "Never Again" to heart and steeled her stomach to all future Chili's-related experiences.
January 16th, 2009 at 09:01 am
You forgot about the 5th kind of girl. The one who says she wants to go to Chilis, but as soon as you and her get there she wants to leave. "I'm not having fun let's leave." You're like "I just started, I'm not even close to finishing my food."
She'll respond with "I don't care, we're leaving and if you give me too much crap I will never even talk about Chili's again! Let's just go to Taco bell."
"I'm sick of Taco Bell, we go there all the time. I want CHILI'S"
January 16th, 2009 at 09:11 am
))<>(( !! awsome!
January 16th, 2009 at 11:18 am
HAHAHAHA!!!
January 16th, 2009 at 09:22 am
My girlfriend Loves Chili's but still wont have Anal Sex.
January 16th, 2009 at 09:44 am
I had a girlfriend once that would go from Chili's to Applebees then to Bennigans all night long. She just could never get full.
January 16th, 2009 at 10:16 am
I'm pretty sure that one girl would have anal sex while eating at Chili's.
January 16th, 2009 at 10:17 am
brilliant
January 16th, 2009 at 10:20 am
either way she gets the shits
January 16th, 2009 at 10:31 am
Every time I bang my g up the ass I am always afraid shit will come out
It is scary, then I need to go to church and confess my sin to the priest since the Catholic church only allows the missionary position( really, just that one and if I do another I have to confess)
August 24th, 2009 at 01:36 pm
Stop being a Catholic then... -_-
January 16th, 2009 at 10:36 am
Sooo...if i like to eat at Chili's and i'm a guy, does that make me gay? i'll just pretend i dont like to eat there.
January 17th, 2009 at 07:08 pm
This is exactly what turned me off of it. I thought- wait a minute - I own a Chili's Franchise - maybe I should just stick to Applebee's...
January 16th, 2009 at 11:07 am
Ironically, a trip to Chili's should never be followed by anal sex...
January 16th, 2009 at 11:11 am
I just had anal sex and now i have Chili all over my nob
January 16th, 2009 at 11:17 am
I'm pretty sure Charlotte Church *would* eat a Chillis. Certainly when drunk at the very least.
January 16th, 2009 at 11:26 am
Sure she may have chilli up her ass but that just means you'll get a chilli dog. Everyone likes chilli dogs every now and again. If I get a chilli dog, shes getting a chilli taco. If I have chilli on my wang, why shouldn't she have chilli on her pus.
January 16th, 2009 at 09:28 pm
yeah its this new thing called a yeast infection
January 16th, 2009 at 11:48 am
I had anal sex at Chilis and skeezed in the bread bowl. who eats the bread bowl. what?
January 16th, 2009 at 12:50 pm
I think the meaning of the word 'analogy' has been lost on some of these posters.
January 16th, 2009 at 03:12 pm
"Anal"ogy. Duh.
January 16th, 2009 at 02:57 pm
What if we just get an appetizer?! = just the tip
January 16th, 2009 at 03:39 pm
i think chili's is overrated
January 16th, 2009 at 03:58 pm
Well, I am not a chili's fan. Never Have been, never will be. My EX sure was tho, anyone out there want her phone #? LMAO
January 16th, 2009 at 04:56 pm
number please ?
January 16th, 2009 at 04:40 pm
Are you kidding me? anal rocks, but this analogy was weak sauce...
January 16th, 2009 at 04:46 pm
I like to eat at chili's alone ,when the wife is not home,
January 16th, 2009 at 09:53 pm
That's sounds really wrong man.
January 18th, 2009 at 07:00 pm
WTF?????
January 16th, 2009 at 04:47 pm
I need her phone number so we can buy each other a dinner at chili's
January 16th, 2009 at 04:46 pm
lmao ?
January 16th, 2009 at 07:31 pm
I'm a girl. Chili's isn't favorite, but I'll eat there anyway because I'm not an uppity bitch and I like steak. Anal sex, on the other hand, is one of my favorite things, but not every guy will do it because "it's weird" so I incessantly berate them until they give in to my demands. Is there some sort of classification/analogy for me besides "awesome"? Because I don't think there is...
January 16th, 2009 at 07:45 pm
What is your secret? We have engaged in anal sex, but have not enjoyed the rapture you have described.
I keep trying, but sometimes the reception is cool.
Any advice to help us along would be most appreciated! I don't think it's weird, but ache to have the experience you describe.
Chili's is fine by me.
January 16th, 2009 at 08:12 pm
The trick? TAKE YOUR TIME. Don't treat slot B like it's slot A. They may be close together, but they are opposite in many ways. Treating the backdoor like it's the front door will lead to your girl never ever wanting to do it with you ever again. The first 5 minutes should be really slow. Go an inch, work it a for 30 or so seconds, then go another inch. You'll be able to feel her relax after a while, and things should be good after that. Try different positions too. It may take a few tries before you're successful, but it's worth it. It took me 5 or 6 times before I really liked it. And a good rule to stick to is not to do it harder unless she says you can -- otherwise you'll get bucked off like a bull rider and the backdoor will be closed to you forever.
January 17th, 2009 at 06:59 pm
She is right. I was bucked...and locked out...
January 19th, 2009 at 09:09 am
Most girls won't get to the 5th or 6th time to figure out if they like it or not regardless of the time it is given.
The fact that you tried it that many times before making your mind up is commendable. The world needs more females like you and I'm not being sarcastic.
October 4th, 2009 at 06:10 pm
hay amber what chillis do want like anlesex do like stack of slomy
January 17th, 2009 at 12:14 pm
i tell ya if i found a woman that liked anal like you do and insists on it,i would be in heaven.
tell your men its tighter,cooler and smoother for them.
tell them they'll never forget it and to use alot of lube.
after that we'll you can tell the rest,for me i prefer it over vaginal sex any day, but cant get mine to even try it.PERIOD!!
i even told mine that i can take what i put out meaning she could do it to me, even a strap on of the same size ,but to no avail, it just doesnt work.i think im to big for her or something,ive been told so anyway from the few ive been with.who says a big tally wacker is the thing to have,the best is mid sized.
ron
January 17th, 2009 at 01:50 pm
Yeah, being really hung can make things more difficult than they need to be. But again, take your time.
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