Recently we here at the Taco were talking about anal sex (shocking, I know) and we realized that the way women feel about anal sex is almost identical to the way they feel about eating at the restaurant Chili's. Here's how we broke it down.
1. Women Who Don't Love Chili's But Will Eat There On Ocassion
A lot of womenthink Chili’s is just okay. If they’re hungry and they’re near a Chili’s, you might be able to talk them in to eating there. Or, if it’s your birthday, and Chili’s is your faaaavorite place to go, then your girlfriend might say “okay, fine, it’s your birthday, we’ll go to Chili’s and I won’t complain. I’ll even order the Queso Skillet.” They'll never ask to go to Chili's, but they can understand why you enjoy the food there, even though it's not something healthy to have every day.
2. Women Who Will Only Eat At Chili's When They're Drunk.
If these women are sober, they’ll tell you how disgusting Chili’s is, and how they would NEVER eat there. But as soon as they’re wasted, they’re like “I am craving for some Chili’s.” Then the next morning they’ll be like “Oh my god, where did we eat last night?” and when you say “Chili’s” they’ll tell you “Don’t get used to eating there. I feel sick.” And sometimes if they’re drunk enough, they’ll wander into Chili’s by accident, because they’ll think they’re someplace else. Then by the time they realize it’s Chili’s, they’re hungry and they’re there, so why not?
3. Women Who Hate Chili's, Even Though They've Never Eaten There.
Unfortunately, there are some girls that absolutely refuse to partake of even the occasional Chili’s dinner, no matter how hungry they might be. They've never eaten there, but they've seen the commercials for it, and they don't like how it looks. If she catches you driving down the street that Chili’s is on, she’ll immediately say “you know I’m not eating at Chili’s right?” even before you’ve asked her if she wants to eat there. You can’t even say, “What if we just get an appetizer?!” Not only do they not like Chili’s, but they look down on girls who do like Chili’s. And if you attempt to bring up a friend of theirs who you heard likes Chili’s, they’ll ask you “how do YOU know she likes Chili’s? Have you been to Chili’s with her?”
4. Women Who Can Not Get Enough Chili's
Then, finally, there’s girls who absolutely love Chili’s. They go to the bar at Chili’s, they watch games at Chili’s, when you’re out on the town and you ask them where they want to eat tonight, they probably won’t bring up Chili’s, but if they’re driving the car, they’ll just drive there and be like “Here we are at Chili’s!”
I suppose I am an avid Chili's fanatic. I'm 39 and it took me a few years and the right partner to figure out how great it could be. But it has to be the right person and they have to have an idea what they are doing. It is not an everyday thing but one of those spontaneous anything goes moments when there is total loss of thought and can't get enough of each other. Just like a happy ending to oral, anal sex is something that you want once in a while so you can truly enjoy the pleasure. Too much of something like that and it ruins the whole experience.
We were eating at another restaurant one night this summer and I asked my wife if she'd like to go to Chiii's sometime. She kind of shrugged and smiled. Sometimes I'd catch her reading a menu for Chili's online. For the next few weeks every time we'd go out to dinner, I'd drive past a Chili's so she got used to the idea without me saying anything. One time I pointed at it and she said, "Mmmm. Chili's might be good." After a few weeks we were eating dinner and she said I could go anywhere I wanted for dessert.
"Anywhere?" I asked. She said, "Mmm-hmm." On the way home, I put on the turn signal and looked over at her when I started turning into Chili's. She just said, "We need to eat slow so I don't get sick." So we ate at Chili's.
Eventually, she started telling me when we were going to Chili's for dinner.
So, the moral of the story is, if you want to try Chili's and your wife or girlfriend is hesitant, just take your time and let her get used to the idea of eating at Chili's. Show her a menu, drive past, and maybe dinner at Chili's will be her idea.
Hey Russell, Rodeo sex is when you getinside her then call her by her sisters name and see how long you can hold on. Probably would work at Chilli's though.
Told her I'd call her by her sister's name. Then did. Then, basically got her(after we were done) to take me to her house, where I'd bang her sister in front of her. She did. I however, didn't bang her sister, because I think she picked up on something strange, and left quickly to go to work.
Best time of my life; not sure about the sis, because after that, she was always happy to see me.
No I did not pull out.
Yes, I did call her her sister's name when I spewed.
Don't believe me(well, of course why would you), I don't give a shit. Best time in my life and will remember it to my grave.
all i know is it took 2 gilfriends before i could even get through the door of chili's now i get my current woman to go there and now im going to marry her, so girls go there eat alittle and see what happens you never know what could become of it.
You forgot one more category: Those of us who have honestly given Chili's a try, even gone several times, and finally decided we just didn't like it, and won't go back.
I dated a girl one time who actually preferred eating at chili's every single time after I introduced her to Chili's. After awhile, Chili's became less of an event because we went there for nearly every meal. She asked why I didn't like to eat there anymore. I told her I loved eating at Chili's but I just didn't want to eat there with her anymore. You see, her plate had grown way too big for me to enjoy my meal.
I suggested to her that we invite one of her cute friends to eat at Chili's with us but she thought that was disgusting. So one night she caught me and another girl together waiting in line for Chili's. I was going to ask her to join us but she became irate and told me that I could never eat at Chili's with her again. The new girl was alot better anyhow. She was even more into Chili's than I was. It got to the point to where she loved Chili's so much that she would lick my plate clean while enjoying my cheese sticks. We called that ordering an "awesome blossom". Her plate was smaller and alot more durable than the first girl's plate.
The new girl was great for awhile. But she started going to Chili's with everyone and then lying to me about it. I was going to Chili's with other girls too but I didn't appreciate her lying to me. It got so bad that everytime she and I went to Chili's I had visions in my head of her licking some other guy's plate clean. I have never been stingy so I also gave her the same option of eating at Chili's with one of her cute friends, or even another couple. That would be fine with me so long as I didn't have to touch the other guy's plate or cheese sticks and vice versa. I was really trying to get her to share an awesome blossom with another chick while I watched. Well, she got made and told me to go to hell. She went off and married some guy who never takes her to Chili's.
Now that I'm married my wife will only go to Chili's on my birthday, if I buy her something really cool, or if she's really drunk. An awesome blossom is not even an option. In the end it's usually just too much trouble so we drive by Chili's and act like it isn't even there. I still think about Chili's from time to time, but in reality......I hate that fucking place.
Anal sex and Chili's can be construed together, but one thing is for certain - if your girl EATS at Chili's, you wont want anal sex for at least a couple of days, or until that nasty stops firing outta her backdoor like a scud missle out of Iraq during the Gulf War...
(on a side note, my captcha words are "11" and "pregnant"...WTF?)
I would soooo love to take the girl on the far right, on the second pic, to chilis....i'd get her as hammered as possible to get her to chilis....at least 3 times.....and any girl who absolutely loves to go to chilis....i'll take you there any day baby.
So I'm eating with this girl at Grandy's and she says "Go ahead and take me to Chilis too". So I did. Before we were finished with the main course, the hot lava cake came out EARLY. What a mess. I paid for it alright. I ended up only leaving the tip.
You forgot "Girls that will ONLY eat at Chili's". Most of these girls go to Catholic school. They may or may not like the food at Chili's, but their boyfriends certainly do, and it's the only place where they can eat without wearing a bib or other protective gear, and still not worry about getting sauce where they don't want it.
one time anthony kiedis and i were drinking frozen margaritas at cheddars and he looked into my eyes and said, "have you ever found yourself at the edge of the abyss staring into its murky blackness only to see yourself staring back at you and in that instant realized that you were one with all creation and that there was no good or evil, but we were all just distinctly flawed prisms who took in the light only to refract it out into a million different directions in a million different colors that we couldn't even mix to paint a mural of our lives if we had gods pallet and all of eternity?"
I said said "no tony"
and he said "do we have anymore smack?"
then I said "you mean heroin? we never had any tony, i kept telling you that was goldbond"
then he just got up from the table, stuck me with the bill and I never saw him again
Have you ever noticed there's definitely a prim and proper subtype that will never suggest Chili's, never drive there, never even acknowledge the place exists. But no matter how many times you take them there, they will NEVER say no. God bless them!
What the heck? Hahaha this is hilarious. Chili's the restaurant can't do anything about it because their food is awesome and their service is top notch across the country, and they won't lose $1 over an off the wall sex joke. BFD.
You forgot the chick who ate at Chili's once, had a bad experience (found a bone in her cheeseburger, maybe a hair in her mashed potatoes), and will under no circumstances eat there ever again.
(201 Comments)
Twitter
Holy Taco Goes to the Bahamas
January 20th, 2009 at 05:12 am
I suppose I am an avid Chili's fanatic. I'm 39 and it took me a few years and the right partner to figure out how great it could be. But it has to be the right person and they have to have an idea what they are doing. It is not an everyday thing but one of those spontaneous anything goes moments when there is total loss of thought and can't get enough of each other. Just like a happy ending to oral, anal sex is something that you want once in a while so you can truly enjoy the pleasure. Too much of something like that and it ruins the whole experience.
January 20th, 2009 at 10:42 am
This is one of the funnies things I've read in a long time. The comments rival the article. EV, yor're too funny.
January 20th, 2009 at 01:18 pm
We were eating at another restaurant one night this summer and I asked my wife if she'd like to go to Chiii's sometime. She kind of shrugged and smiled. Sometimes I'd catch her reading a menu for Chili's online. For the next few weeks every time we'd go out to dinner, I'd drive past a Chili's so she got used to the idea without me saying anything. One time I pointed at it and she said, "Mmmm. Chili's might be good." After a few weeks we were eating dinner and she said I could go anywhere I wanted for dessert.
"Anywhere?" I asked. She said, "Mmm-hmm." On the way home, I put on the turn signal and looked over at her when I started turning into Chili's. She just said, "We need to eat slow so I don't get sick." So we ate at Chili's.
Eventually, she started telling me when we were going to Chili's for dinner.
So, the moral of the story is, if you want to try Chili's and your wife or girlfriend is hesitant, just take your time and let her get used to the idea of eating at Chili's. Show her a menu, drive past, and maybe dinner at Chili's will be her idea.
January 20th, 2009 at 02:15 pm
Hey Russell, Rodeo sex is when you getinside her then call her by her sisters name and see how long you can hold on. Probably would work at Chilli's though.
May 8th, 2009 at 09:24 am
I did that.
Told her I'd call her by her sister's name. Then did. Then, basically got her(after we were done) to take me to her house, where I'd bang her sister in front of her. She did. I however, didn't bang her sister, because I think she picked up on something strange, and left quickly to go to work.
Best time of my life; not sure about the sis, because after that, she was always happy to see me.
No I did not pull out.
Yes, I did call her her sister's name when I spewed.
Don't believe me(well, of course why would you), I don't give a shit. Best time in my life and will remember it to my grave.
January 20th, 2009 at 02:24 pm
Well what does that make Applebee's?
January 24th, 2009 at 06:23 am
all i know is it took 2 gilfriends before i could even get through the door of chili's now i get my current woman to go there and now im going to marry her, so girls go there eat alittle and see what happens you never know what could become of it.
January 26th, 2009 at 02:49 pm
To the guy who asked what that makes applebees...
It makes applebees, sex on the rag!!
March 7th, 2009 at 02:14 am
sex
February 2nd, 2009 at 03:57 pm
Hit me with a market tested Chili's mocha-swirl douchatini and I'll put out.
February 4th, 2009 at 02:59 am
Sometimes I dine at Chili's alone.
March 3rd, 2009 at 07:00 pm
yea, gahy gahy gahy and gahy!!!!!!
March 16th, 2009 at 11:16 pm
You forgot one more category: Those of us who have honestly given Chili's a try, even gone several times, and finally decided we just didn't like it, and won't go back.
See you at the Macaroni Grill.
March 17th, 2009 at 04:29 am
doesn't poo go everywhere?
March 17th, 2009 at 10:42 am
That is the best part.
September 25th, 2009 at 02:14 am
Not Right Now You Don't
March 18th, 2009 at 07:10 am
This is a true but sad story:
I dated a girl one time who actually preferred eating at chili's every single time after I introduced her to Chili's. After awhile, Chili's became less of an event because we went there for nearly every meal. She asked why I didn't like to eat there anymore. I told her I loved eating at Chili's but I just didn't want to eat there with her anymore. You see, her plate had grown way too big for me to enjoy my meal.
I suggested to her that we invite one of her cute friends to eat at Chili's with us but she thought that was disgusting. So one night she caught me and another girl together waiting in line for Chili's. I was going to ask her to join us but she became irate and told me that I could never eat at Chili's with her again. The new girl was alot better anyhow. She was even more into Chili's than I was. It got to the point to where she loved Chili's so much that she would lick my plate clean while enjoying my cheese sticks. We called that ordering an "awesome blossom". Her plate was smaller and alot more durable than the first girl's plate.
The new girl was great for awhile. But she started going to Chili's with everyone and then lying to me about it. I was going to Chili's with other girls too but I didn't appreciate her lying to me. It got so bad that everytime she and I went to Chili's I had visions in my head of her licking some other guy's plate clean. I have never been stingy so I also gave her the same option of eating at Chili's with one of her cute friends, or even another couple. That would be fine with me so long as I didn't have to touch the other guy's plate or cheese sticks and vice versa. I was really trying to get her to share an awesome blossom with another chick while I watched. Well, she got made and told me to go to hell. She went off and married some guy who never takes her to Chili's.
Now that I'm married my wife will only go to Chili's on my birthday, if I buy her something really cool, or if she's really drunk. An awesome blossom is not even an option. In the end it's usually just too much trouble so we drive by Chili's and act like it isn't even there. I still think about Chili's from time to time, but in reality......I hate that fucking place.
September 25th, 2009 at 01:43 am
You need your own youtube channel! 5/5
March 18th, 2009 at 11:48 pm
I just read most of these messages, and have to say it was pretty damn funny and entertaining
March 18th, 2009 at 11:50 pm
Haha funny shit
March 26th, 2009 at 10:24 am
apestas
April 25th, 2009 at 01:07 pm
Quero ver vocês agüentam comer um cu cheio de pimenta ! (Translate it from portuguese)
May 21st, 2009 at 01:50 pm
Hellow yo
just watched this lustily bum Shaking Video on youtube...
check it out!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BsoHCukkeUo
May you can share something similar.
happy watching
mastablubba
August 22nd, 2009 at 08:01 am
The article was funny, but the comments were funny as hell.
I rock!!
August 23rd, 2009 at 03:52 pm
This shit was corny!!
August 25th, 2009 at 07:15 pm
#3 is Charlotte Church lmao
August 25th, 2009 at 08:09 pm
I don't get the correlation. I hate Chilli's, but I love anal.
August 25th, 2009 at 08:57 pm
The last time I went to Chili's was terrible. It made me realize that I had never really had a good time there, so I'm never going back.
September 25th, 2009 at 01:30 am
until you get a new boyfriend that promises to be polite and gentle.
August 25th, 2009 at 11:44 pm
"Sorry you're on the rag hon. Wanna go to Chili's?"
August 26th, 2009 at 12:23 am
I thought Arby's was the forbidden zone, not Chili's.
August 26th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Anal sex and Chili's can be construed together, but one thing is for certain - if your girl EATS at Chili's, you wont want anal sex for at least a couple of days, or until that nasty stops firing outta her backdoor like a scud missle out of Iraq during the Gulf War...
(on a side note, my captcha words are "11" and "pregnant"...WTF?)
September 25th, 2009 at 01:31 am
re: captcha. My last captcha said "Alabama Pothead". Where do people sign up for a job writing these? lol.
August 27th, 2009 at 10:43 am
I would soooo love to take the girl on the far right, on the second pic, to chilis....i'd get her as hammered as possible to get her to chilis....at least 3 times.....and any girl who absolutely loves to go to chilis....i'll take you there any day baby.
August 27th, 2009 at 11:28 pm
Chili's = good. Anal sex = weird times. Have them both and that = good...weird times.
August 28th, 2009 at 08:21 pm
I have several Chilis crammed up my doodie hole right this minute. And I will eat Chilis again!
August 28th, 2009 at 08:25 pm
So I'm eating with this girl at Grandy's and she says "Go ahead and take me to Chilis too". So I did. Before we were finished with the main course, the hot lava cake came out EARLY. What a mess. I paid for it alright. I ended up only leaving the tip.
August 29th, 2009 at 08:33 pm
i went there and i shit sideways for a week
September 22nd, 2009 at 07:22 pm
hahahahha absolutely hilarious, you suck
September 10th, 2009 at 03:10 pm
You forgot "Girls that will ONLY eat at Chili's". Most of these girls go to Catholic school. They may or may not like the food at Chili's, but their boyfriends certainly do, and it's the only place where they can eat without wearing a bib or other protective gear, and still not worry about getting sauce where they don't want it.
September 25th, 2009 at 01:29 am
hahahhah a sausce where they don't want it. I can't breathe laughing hahahahan
September 11th, 2009 at 11:01 pm
one time anthony kiedis and i were drinking frozen margaritas at cheddars and he looked into my eyes and said, "have you ever found yourself at the edge of the abyss staring into its murky blackness only to see yourself staring back at you and in that instant realized that you were one with all creation and that there was no good or evil, but we were all just distinctly flawed prisms who took in the light only to refract it out into a million different directions in a million different colors that we couldn't even mix to paint a mural of our lives if we had gods pallet and all of eternity?"
I said said "no tony"
and he said "do we have anymore smack?"
then I said "you mean heroin? we never had any tony, i kept telling you that was goldbond"
then he just got up from the table, stuck me with the bill and I never saw him again
September 25th, 2009 at 01:28 am
oh shit that was funny. Email me more!
September 22nd, 2009 at 07:21 pm
This is a pathetic attempt at being funny, nuff said...
September 23rd, 2009 at 11:33 pm
Have you ever noticed there's definitely a prim and proper subtype that will never suggest Chili's, never drive there, never even acknowledge the place exists. But no matter how many times you take them there, they will NEVER say no. God bless them!
September 24th, 2009 at 04:00 pm
I love my Baby Back, Baby Back, Baby Back, .....BBQ Sauce!!!
September 25th, 2009 at 01:27 am
What the heck? Hahaha this is hilarious. Chili's the restaurant can't do anything about it because their food is awesome and their service is top notch across the country, and they won't lose $1 over an off the wall sex joke. BFD.
September 25th, 2009 at 03:03 pm
Hahaha don't the guys on ACCIDENTALLY ON PURPOSE, the new CBS show on Monday night, go to Chili's in an episode. I love that show, so funny!
September 26th, 2009 at 05:42 pm
I love their Corn and Donut Hole all you can eat platter.
September 27th, 2009 at 01:02 pm
You forgot the chick who ate at Chili's once, had a bad experience (found a bone in her cheeseburger, maybe a hair in her mashed potatoes), and will under no circumstances eat there ever again.
Post new comment