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Any Winehouse Will NOT Be Attending My Trial


You know when you’re at a party and you’re talking to some girl you really want to hook up with, then your friend who’s been drinking since the morning stumbles over and puts his arm around you and is like “Duuuuuude. Whats (hiccup) up? Should I put a piece of dogshit on your roommates pillow?” Then he notices the girl you’re talking to, looks her up and down in front of her, then looks to you and goes “nice.” Well, imagine you’re at your own trial where a judge is deciding how long you’re going to be in jail, and that dude is there. That’s pretty much the life of Amy Winehouse’s idiot husband who’s on trial for a brawl and witness tampering. People.com reports:

Amy Winehouse turned up more than four hours late to court to show support for husband Blake Fielder-Civil on Monday.

Winehouse arrived at court shortly after 2 p.m. She sat alone in the court’s empty front row, blowing kisses and mouthing “I love you” to her husband, who was seated behind glass across the courtroom.

I’m surprised the article didn’t say “Winehouse made a fist with her hand, and moved it back and forth in front of her face while she pushed her tongue against the inside of her cheek, in an attempt at simulating oral sex.”

I wonder if this dude’s lawyers were like “Listen, your wife being here is NOT helping your case. The bailiff just told us she offered him fellatio in exchange for being allowed to give him more fellatio. Aside from that offer not making any sense, the court frowns upon it as well.” I’m shocked she didn’t light up a crack pipe in the middle of the court, prompting his lawyers to ask for her removal. I would have loved to have seen a courtroom sketch like this:


3 Responses to "Any Winehouse Will NOT Be Attending My Trial"

  1. Pratik says:

    What the hell… she’s married? Does he actually have to fuck that woman? She looks like Prince Charles for Christs sakes.

  2. morty says:

    I still dont understand how people like her music, if you have a drug problem that does not automatically make you a good musician…oh wait, usually it does, but she still sucks

  3. Look here: says:

    she’s got to smell like really old dead fish.