For the longest time I was trying to figure out exactly why Ashton Kutcher’s career seemed familiar. Then I realized, he’s essentially the male Jenny McCarthy: Really good looking to the point where every one is afraid to tell him that he’s not funny and really super annoying. I can’t wait until he gets older and starts f-ing Jim Carrey and talking about Autism. Now, before you say I’m just bitter, let’s clear something up. Of course I’m bitter. I’m a blogger who drives a shitty car and gets laid infrequently. But I maintain that bitterness aside, he’s still a douche. Listen to this quote from people.com:
On his decision to marry Demi Moore at age 27: “I’ve literally just been voted the world’s most eligible bachelor and I’m like, I’m going off the market.
I think we can all relate to that. It’s like when I bought a brand new high speed blender that also acts as a food processor. I totally could have banged several chicks because of it’s ability to make both salsa and organic fruit roll ups, but I stayed with my girlfriend. Anyway, here’s another magazine cover I saw Ashton on. I think it only comes out quarterly. Enjoy:
Courtney Love & Muppet Sexual Assault
Playboy’s Big Dance March Madness Bracket Challenge
Daniel tosh has a great standup routine about ashton, it’s hilarious. well actually it’s not a routine but more of a bit, it comes at the end of one of the youtube videos. But it is funny as fuck! Everyone should watch it if they haven’t already.
Well Bundy…why don’t you give us the link? You know us HT readers are too lazy to go find it ourselves, we like our comedy spoon fed to us.
AMAZING POST, Dude. I was laughing so hard Lambic came out my nose. Great Jenny McCarthy observation too; I whole-heartedly agree. He’s a fucking annoying idiot and I love dumb, pretty boys.
Jesus Christ Bundy, give us a link or don’t tell us this shit. It takes me a few minutes to muster up the courage to look at the next page, fuck searching for that garbage.