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ATTENTION UNHAPPY MEN: Move to Thailand And Get A Job Slapping Breasts All Day!


This one goes out to all the post-college men in the audience that are struggling to find some shred of happiness with their lives and desperately want to find a job — possibly even a career — that pays well and makes them happy.

Men, do you look at your life as it stands right now and ever wonder if there’s something else you can be doing? Something more…I don’t know…fulfilling? Specifically, are you in a cubicle right now, surrounded by three grey walls and with an overbearing boss hovering over your shoulder? Are you working a 9-to-5 office job, wondering if there’s a job out there that handsomely compensates you for slapping tits all day?

Well, you lucky sum bitch, such a job exists, and it’s in Thailand.

Khemmikka Na Songkhla is a beautician. She slaps lady boobs all day long. That’s her job. And it’s a government-approved job. Thailand’s government (which is presumably a male dominated one, like most governments) took one look at this woman slapping other women’s boobs, and then drooled and moaned something to the effect of “My balls are tingling”, which is practically a rubber stamp of approval in Thailand.

Khemmikka claims her titty slaps can shift fat around the body, thus moving, say, back fat to the breasts to make them larger, or shift around fat on the face to reduce wrinkles. If a woman’s breasts measure 31-inches, after a few sessions of slapping some boobs they will have supposedly grown to 32-inches, as demonstrated in the video above.

Khemmikka says she currently 40 applicants vying for a position, and so far she’s only hired four. This means the battle to spend the rest of your days on earth getting paid to hit some tits silly will be a tough one. There’s plenty of competition. You have to go in to that interview with a long history of slapping tits already under your belt. There’s some ancient Chinese wisdom and mysticism going on here; you can’t just show up thinking anybody can just slap a tit and get hired. It would be like trying to fight Bruce Lee with your yellow belt-level mastery of karate that you learned from a ‘Nam vet in Idaho.

So, you’re going to have to train.

Start off by placing some water balloons in a bra, and strap that bra on to a mannequin. Spend 6 to 38 hours a day slapping watery boob facsimiles, always being careful not to burst the balloons. If you burst so much as a single balloon, you are a failed titty slapper and should probably find a job in the not-so-lucrative field of Malaysian Dick Flicking.

In concert with balloon slapping, you should watch the video below no less than 83 times a day; studying it, learning everything you can about titty slapping from America’s leading titty slapping expert.

So you see, Unhappy Men of America, there is hope. All you have to do to be happy in life is leave behind every tangible relationship you’ve established here in the States and fly to Thailand so you can get paid to slap tits until it looks like your ass has tits on it and you’ve been sitting on your ass-tits for, like, an hour.

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