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Audrina Patridge Implants No Nice

I’m going to say something right now that might upset you; I don’t like fake breasts.  Let me explain.  For thousands and thousands of years, human breasts were not only good enough, but incredibly celebrated.  Go to any museum in Europe, it’s basically a documentation of how much people liked boobs through out history.  In fact, people liked them so much in the middle ages, they’d be painting a scene from a battle and be like “I’m gonna paint in a woman with her boobs out, right next to this Roman soldier beheading a dude.  I know it doesn’t make sense, but, dammit, boobs are awesome.”  But then in the late 20th century, somebody decided that normal boobs suddenly weren’t good enough, and over a line of cocaine in a club in l.a., talked some women in to getting them.  And now it’s 2008 and people like Audrina Patridge have boobs like the ones pictured above.  As I was writing this, Ken, the dude who sits behind me, looks on my screen at the pic of Audrina and goes “It’s like her boobs are mad at each other.”   I mean, look at those boobs.  They’re so self supporting I feel like if I went closer in, I’d see something like this:

That’s right, her boobs are so fake looking that I find it more believable and comforting that a tiny version of a reincarnated Brandon Lee dressed as his character from the crow would be there holding them in place, then for them to naturally be that way.

For those of you who are going to call me “gay,” ask yourself this; Why do we like fake boobs so much?  I’ll tell you why, the same reason why we see Michael Bay movies,* eat foods that say “no trans fat!,” and take shits in toilets; cause that’s what’s shoved in front our faces every single day!  Thank you and goodnight.

*Except for The Rock, that movie kicked ass.

19 Responses to "Audrina Patridge Implants No Nice"

  1. sheryl says:

    So many women wear wigs or hair pieces and dye hair, or apply make up and tweeze eye brows , hmm some shave off natural given hair. most funny is why would it matter in todays world just what adults do with there bodies , hey Obama says its a free country. being Gay Rich or poor, hell even those who can pay their own bills and work and PAY taxes to support all those whom are poor or sadly to say Lazy and lay on their ass all day , COLLECTING WELFARE AND FOOD STAMPS, TRUTH IS, we accept there freedom to do whatever, Well in my book, Celebres who have make up artist and designer clothes even COSMETIC WORK done deserve respect, its there money and you all who talk shtt, get a job. As for this topic it has nothing to do with Audrina personally I have read 20 articles craping on women in this area. BSHTT. Hypocrysy is rude and I am sick of it. Audrina looks better than 70 percent of women in this world, she has a great body and should be proud. enjoy it while your still young. So thats my oppinion. ha

  2. gay says:

    shes bending forward. look at pictures of her in a bikini they are perfect

  3. hornsforlife says:

    there not fake if i can touch them!!! hell, everybody plays out fantasies. Why not make it that much better of a fantasy.

  4. ela says:

    she’s a skinny girl who doesn’t have thick skin due to her diet and exercise routine to support the massive CCs she’s sporting. she should have gone for a smaller cup and the surgeon should have placed them closer together. this is her 2nd boob job i believe? welp the real ones are f-ed up now so she’s stuck with em! nat boobs all the way- and im a chick.

  5. joel says:

    eh…I hate fake breasts too. Most of the time, they look ridiculous.

  6. pablo says:

    real, fake, i just want to stick my wang in her ass

  7. Froggy says:

    There is no difference for me. Enhanced boobs, natural boobs, I’ll squeeze all.

  8. Annie says:

    Thanks L

  9. RIK says:

    I agree with you point, but i think hers are real. if they were fake they’d be as round on top as bottom. they kinda hang, and dont look 2 full on top. pam anderson-type half-bowling ball jugz r disgusting. if a woman weighs more than 90 pounds, theres a better chance of her keeping what God gave her.

  10. amy says:

    Those are not fake; implants retain their shape in any position, including when the female is on her back; those look exactly like every female I know when they bend over.

    Pick on someone else.

  11. kikinik says:


    Heres to real breasts.

    Separating real women from fakes for thousands of years.

  12. qft says:

    good points and I’d be forced to agree, a chick with rubber domes on her chest is somehow just not that sexy, who knew?

  13. Benny J. says:

    Amen Brother!

  14. Beast says:

    Thousands of years ago, people also died of a toothache. This is evolution at work. Man’s continuous quest to perfect the human condition. Believe me, if Mona Lisa could have sported a D-cup, she’d be all over that silicone. I look forward to 100 years from now, when breasts will be have screw off nipples and be used to store tissues and condoms.

  15. Stephen67 says:

    I’m with you, I hate fake boobs. You see so many big fake boobs that the real boobs of the world go unappreciated to their entirety of awesomeness.

    And though this will probably get me killed, bigger isn’t always better. It’s all about proportions.

  16. B0B says:

    I know no straight man who would not fondle fake boobs if encourage to do so.

  17. Cleavagina says:

    Ay, zee boobies, zay do naathing.

  18. L says:

    I think the saddest result of breast implants is that women with big natural breasts now think that theirs are “saggy” and attempt to hide them. They’re not saggy, they’re just trying to handle their natural weight. Their lovely, natural weight.

  19. l-----l says:

    i’d still bang her…