Let me first start off by saying I understand that TV Guide can in no way be considered a serious magazine. That would be like considering this blog as “Journalism” or considering the San Diego Padres as a “Major League Baseball Team.” But putting Mario Lopez and Audrina Patridge on the cover of your magazine is like the Padres deciding to bench their leadoff man and replace him with….yeah, there’s no one shitty enough that I can think of to make an accurate metaphor. Actually, maybe it is the guy who bats lead off for them now, I think his name is “Shitty Mcterrible.” Anyway, TV guide just put Shitty McTerrible on their cover with the quote:
Stars share secrets for their Hot Bods!
I looked really closely for an asterisk next to “stars” that would hopefully lead me to a footnote that said “We tried to find somebody, I swear to Christ. Someone buy out our company for the love of God and put us out of our f*&king misery.”
What does it say about television when Audrina Patridge is on the cover of a magazine that claims to be a “guide” to it? At least Mario Lopez was A.C. Slater, which required at least enough talent to be able to pretend like he was sexually frustrated by Elizabeth Berkeley when he most likely defiled her anus nightly.
I can only hope that they had another cover story with a bigger star ready and when that fell through, they went with this. Maybe this is what they had originally: