The phrase “Short and Sweet” comes to mind when reading this news story published today by the Associated Press. In total, the article is only 111 words long, but it contains two truly spectacular words that for some reason were never paired together in the article, and were never paired together anywhere else, probably due to the overwhelming shockwave of awe most would experience when those two words are combined and form one glorious mental image. Those words are marijuana and catapult. The story is about Mexican drug runners and their new, innovative attempt at getting packages of weed over the U.S. boarder and in to Arizona. Tired of sneaking it in through customs, or trying to create some kind of elaborate underground tunnel, the drug smugglers created a medieval catapult to launch marijuana in to the air and on to U.S. soil.
Yes, a device that was famously used to hurl large stones at large masses of enemy combatants, and somewhat more famously used to launch Wile E. Coyote in to walls is now being used to rain bricks of marijuana down upon us all. We like to think of this as Mexico’s way of saying sorry for being such a shitty country that they force us in to hating each other as we argue about what we should do about their illegal immigrants.
As the AP story states, National Guard troops stationed along the U.S.-Mexican border sighted several people on the Mexican side of the fence arming and firing a goddamn catapult with their remote video surveillance system. Now, is the word goddamn necessary in that last sentence? No, not at all. But, is the word goddamn necessary in that last sentence? You’re goddamn right it is. Why? Because they made a goddamn marijuana catapult. Anything that glorious needs to be goddamn’d up a notch.
After the National Guard troopers called in the Mexican authorities, the catapult-ers fled the scene before they could be captured. If caught again they will probably be arrested and given some kind of medal of excellence by both High Times and the ghost of King Richard V for Most Excellent Use Of Old Shit To Slang Some Herb With and Finest Contemporary Use Of The King’s Honorable Arsenal of Siege Weaponry, respectively.