Human frailty has exploded in the computer age if online support groups are any indication. Before the internet, all you had was AA and, if you were lucky, a heroin dealer who was kind enough to dip your needle in bourbon before he let you shoot up with it. These days, there’s support groups for literally everything if, by literally, you mean not literally. But still, there’s a lot. Like support for people who think they’re vampires.
Arguably this entire site is genius because what group of women is more vulnerable to utter bullshit and still open to absolute debauchery than chicks who think they’re vampires? The man who made this group, possibly someone who calls themselves Charlemagne or Baron von Ubershlong, may be brilliant. Or he’s a pale, skinny dude who cries on the inside every time he fails to turn into a bat. We really don’t know.
What’s the Deal?
The site’s selling point is that it’s for real vampires, not those dirty fake ones who are always popping up in the news sucking Kool Aid from colostomy bags at parties and in back alleys. What exactly is a real vampire? Between you and me it’s a liar or a crazy person. However, on the internet it’s any number of things. Are you an energy vampire? A sanguinarian? A Hybrid? The nonsensical choices are endless. Except that there’s 8, including author, skeptic and donor. Suspiciously not present? Disenfranchised, compulsive masturbator teen.
What Goes On?
Once in the forums, you’ll notice a sticky post on the subject of sexual harassment. Sadly, creatures of the night and creatures of bachelor apartments all suffer the same issues. The mods want you to make sure you’re not talking to a minor before you mention any manner of sucking and if you are a minor, please try not to seduce the older vampires. Because that would be wrong. Yep.
A quick read through the forums taught us all kinds of things. For instance, if you haven’t told people you’re a vampire yet, you’re “in the coffin.” Isn’t that adorable? And if you drink blood solely for the energy in the blood, you’re really an energy vampire and not a sanguinarian. Oh, and if you think you’re a vampire, you may want to cap your teeth with something soft lest you slice your colon when you have your head crammed way up there.
Is it Right For You?
We didn’t see a lot of overt support on the site, but maybe that’s because this is a site for people who think they’re vampires. The fact they’ve managed to type semi-intelligibly and not bang their heads against the wall until they’ve sustained irrevocable brain damage is a triumph all on its own. So really, if the person reading this to you in your cape and eyeliner thinks it’s cool, go ahead and sign up.
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30 Days of Night was pretty much the only good vampire movie
That was a good one…
All things vampire are lame. Easily the most insufferable group of idiots are the vampire enthusiasts. There are 2 or 3 vampire movies that are OK and even they are on the shitty side. Its all about the romance for the chicks. If you are really really into vampires and you’re a dude then your dad left when you were very young and mom raised you.
Hear hear. Every word you spoke is indisputable fact.
Vampires are not only conceptually asinine, they also happen to be universally written to reflect the void in the author’s life.
I don’t think mankind has devised a worse villain since perhaps the werewolf. Immortal, but needs to drink blood? Turns into a bat? invisible in mirrors? Burns in the sun? Why would someone be into this gayness?
Nice try, twilight. Adding sparkles to the sun only made it gayer.
At least zombies could be attributed to a real virus. Bigfoot might be a real animal. When you make up a monster, it should help for it to be somewhat believable. Apparently I’m wrong about this since people seem to like these ridiculous sanguinists and their conveniently incomparable beauty.
Yeah. The vampire novelist is either a silly girl or gay.
I am offended that so many people seem to not only be into vampires, but obsess over them and try to convince me that crap like twilight and blade are awesome stories.
I found a good link:
http://www.scientificblogging.com/news_account/are_vampires_real_physics_professor_drives_scientific_stake_into_the_heart_of_supernatural_myths
And by the way I know my name sounds gay, it’s because I’m a girl.
Cut it off..
http://www.scientificblogging.com/news_account
/are_vampires_real_physics_professor_drives_
scientific_stake_into_the_heart_of_supernatural_myths
From Dusk Til Dawn was pretty good too. Not the sequels, just the original one. And the first Blade was alright.
Dusk Til Dawn, Van Helsing, Blood: The Last Vampire, Salem’s Lot, Blade, Dracula, and 30 Days of Night were all good movies.
I finally had enough of vampire movies being so stupid so I swore them off before 30 Days came out. No, I won’t even give it a chance. I am certain you are wrong and it sucks.
Where you are right: 1st Blade. It was pretty good but like all vamp movies, it was laden with dumb dumb shit. The worst of which was when the ancient powerful council of vampires doesn’t even put up a fight. Whats-his-name (Frost?) just takes them all over with sheer moxy and they go through the rest of the film like cowering humans.
Where you are half right: Dusk Till Dawn. It was good until half way through. It all goes south when we see the band turn into a demon band playing instruments made of body parts. That stunningly stupid moment was the starting gun for the shit race. I have alot of respect for Rodriguez and even for campy movies but this movie was an abortion.
The rest: Cold brown urine.
I can’t believe people actually believe in this stuff past the age of 12. Seriously.. one of my best friends is “wiccan”. Wow. Then again the fact that Scientology exists blows my mind too. What the hell is wrong with people?
How could you not mention the author of the site has pics of his 5 cats….holy shit was that funny…
Hey, did Noah the Intern get fired too?
Nope. He got bit by a real life vampire. And then I shot him with a garlic bullet. Afterward’s I went to the local barbershop to get my cool hairstyle tightened up–IN FULL-BLOWN DAYLIGHT!!! SUCK IT REAL VAMPIRE BITCHES!!!
Vampires are all the rage dude.
lou
http://www.anonymity-online.net.tc
Twilight was the best I just love how Bella and Edward just get along and that hunk Jacob… mmmmm fap fap fap fap fap
Oh and GO HOME DWIGHT YOU’RE SUCH A MEANIE!
WAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DonkeyXote = whiny faggot
+ 1
DonkeyXote is the biggest whiniest faggot the Taco has ever had.
DonkeyXote is like Don Quixote, except a raging pedobear. And probably doesn’t have a horse.. And probably doesn’t go on adventures.. And probably lives with his mom.. So i guess DonkeyXote is actually nothing like Don Quixote…
Dwight ’12
+ 4,000
This faggot was already outed as the notorious philosopher so, yeah, he is the biggest faggot ever on HT.
By the way in case none of you has figured this out, I was fired.
Actually he does have at least two horses. He has stated on multiple occasions that his mother forces him to fuck/ get fucked by their horses so that they could get some practice in before their mating season.
I knew it. I only spent a couple of months reading this retard’s comments and I always knew he was a whiny faggot. And know he comes right out and admits it, I’ll at least give him credit for that.
Look for the “Two Horses One DonkeyXote” viral video to hit the internet in the summer of 2012. It will be 2girls1cup to the googleplexth power. The video will undoubtedly lead to the Mayan predicted apocalypse and destroy earth. And yet, all the attention he will get.. still won’t be enough for him. I hate you DonkeyXote…
Whaaaaaa. You’re all just different names for Dwight. I know it’s only one person. I know it’s you Dwight. It’s impossible for this many people to not find my comments hysterical. It’s clear to me that everybody loves me and that Dwight is too afraid to come out with me on HT (well except for the video).
HT should make a pie chart of reasons they took comments off for a few weeks. It might look something like
0% Dwight
0% Rest of comments
100% DonkeyXote
I didn’t post that. Fucker get your own username.