40 Awesome Versions of Jesus

November 10th, 2008 | 12:05 pm
 
As you probably already know, Jesus is a pretty popular guy. He's so popular, in fact, that he's inspired people from all walks of life to create their very own versions of the Son of God that somehow take him to another level. Here are 40 of them.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
This Jesus is watching you masturbate.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
It doesn't matter that you can't read this. You know it's awesome just by looking at the drawings of Jesus jumping off the cross and kicking the crap out of people.
 
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Comments

288 Responses to "40 Awesome Versions of Jesus"

  1. Anonymous Says:

    I just came in my mouth.

  2. Anonymous Says:

    Another Awesome video!!!

  3. Timid&friendly Says:

    I quite agree ;-)

  4. Anonymous Says:

    you may believe that Jesus wasn't our savior, but you can't say that he is fictional. There are more records of His existence than that of any other historical figure from the time.

  5. Timid&friendly Says:

    The biggest problem with religon, is the followers. The fact that the believers *&^% it up every time doesn't negate the truth that the followers attempt to abide by.

    The truth remains the truth even if the so-called believer hijack the faith for their own purposes.

    At the end of the day everyone will stand before their maker, and has the chance to explain what they did with the life and why.

    God has got a great sense of humour and doesn't need anyone to defend Him LOL. But it is handy to remind each other that, you harvest what you sow.
    Might be a good idea to make sure that your sowing something positive. You got one life and it's over very quick, enjoy it, have a laugh and some fun, but make sure you use it well.

    Your appointment with the BIG-G might be closer than you think!

  6. Timid&friendly Says:

    lol

  7. Anonymous Says:

    And for what? The cost of the deaths of people in the rest of the world? So fucking what if America has all those pointless things? It doesn't change the fact that the country is shit.

  8. Agnostic Says:

    To say atheism is a religion is like saying amorality is ethical - by definition, the statement is nonsense. I'm not an atheist personally, but given the choice between the two I wouldn't put my trust in the follower of an organized religion. You monotheists, of the Judio-Christian-Islamic tradition, are the worst: Thou shalt not kill! (Except when it suits you?) Love thy neighbour! (Except when he's different?) Turn the other cheek! (Bomb the fuck out of them?) When is the last time you hypocrates practiced what you preach?

    Jesus made some pretty enlightened statements. Pity they've been so rarely put into practice.

  9. Judas Says:

    Hey, thanks Jesus, sorry for betraying you and all.... I have a question though, if you could heal people and shit, why in the name of all that is holy (your dad) didnt you heal yourself? That whole cross thing, that must have just sucked.

  10. Timid&friendly Says:

    It's called respect! Respecting even those you totally disagree with!
    You can not and must not force a faith on anyone. It has to be a personal choice. You have to give room to non-believers to express their selves, (even God allows that), and remember they are responsible for their own choices and actions and will eventually give account for them.

    We believers just have to make sure our own choices and actions are constructive and not destructive.

  11. Jesus Says:

    It was something about having to die for your sins cos if I didn't do that you wouldn't be able to be forgiven for them.

    To be honest I find it all kinda hard to follow and it doesn't entirely make sense to me either, but when the old man explained it it sounded convincing so I went along with it.

  12. Super Dude Says:

    I'm a Christian and I take my religion seriously. But this was just way too funny to not laugh at. I wasn't offended at all, and if anything, this made my day!

  13. Judas Says:

    That's probably the most reasonable thing I've ever read from a 'believer'. Nice.

  14. lethaljesus Says:

    that's my version

  15. Jorge Says:

    That was the most intelligent comment I've ever read on here.

  16. Blithe Says:

    O to live in a world without generalizations...

  17. Mykl Says:

    You can not and must not force a faith on anyone.

    Really? Explain The Crusades then… or Christian missionaries…

  18. Anonymous Says:

    The tooth fairy was right about good oral hygiene. Doesn't mean she exists.

  19. Joel Says:

    You seem quite irate and I think I see why. It seems that you are confused as to the difference between ridiculing ideas and ridiculing people. It is a perfectly healthy thing to discuss ideas, and sometimes when the ideas are found to be nonsensical and without merit and yet they persist (due to the way our brains work), they deserve ridicule. Ideally, the ideas are being attacked, which is fine as no-one gets hurt and viewpoints are expressed freely.
    If some people choose to be offended by the fact that ideas they hold dear are being attacked, then that is their choice, but they should not assume to bully free-thinkers into silence with pleas of religious immunity, as religion has done nothing to earn a free pass when it comes to critical analysis. They should, however, ask themselves why it is that they feel uncomfortable when their non-evidence-based beliefs are ridiculed as being illogical. Or they could take it as an opportunity to test the strength of their faith.
    Side note: atheism is not a religion. Calling it one is like calling bald a hair colour. You can not generalise atheists into one group as the label only refers to someone with a lack of any convincing reason to believe in supernatural beings. All other facets of their personalities could be completely different.

  20. Anonymous Says:

    Let go of your superstitions and you will have a happier life. They are not justified in this post-scientific world and seem to be a terrible source of unnecessary fears.

  21. Joel Says:

    "The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact than a drunken man is happier than a sober one" - George Bernard Shaw

  22. Joel Says:

    Should critical-thought and freedom of expression end when physical violence is threatened? Learn some history.

  23. Amelia Says:

    AMERICA!
    Is the only one founded FOUNDED upon the moral basis of human rights, individual choice and responsibility, and respect for your fellow man.
    Like with believers being what is wrong with religion
    So many Americans are what is wrong with America.

    Pinko.

  24. Anonymous Says:

    lol you're a retard.

  25. Anonymous Says:

    remember to put 'em in feet first so you can watch and enjoy their facial expressions!

  26. Kevin Says:

    That's the American Dental Association. They exist.

  27. Samus Says:

    Jesus is a FAKE. The myths you accept to be true are as reality based as the idea that Elvis is still alive, that a real giant named Paul Bunion chopped down 40 trees with one swing, or that Pecos Bill really rides on catfish and tornadoes. Jesus is just a Jewish folklore. Sure there was probably a real man named Jesus that was made into the folk hero but you don't follow the real man that taught real things. You follow a overinflated myth. Religion is proof that humans originated from monkeys. What other creature would believe something as stupid?

  28. Anonymous Says:

    well, then Jesus should tolerate this and forgive those who made this site. Also "if you dare"? Is it a pop-up version of the Bible or something?

  29. Bill Says:

    America? Moral? Those words together in the same sentence? How moral was it when the Native Americans were forced off of their land?

    That being asked...this was HILARIOUS. I had tears streaming down my face from laughing so hard.

    If you liked the Bible, you may also enjoy:
    -Aesop's Fables
    -Mother Goose Nursery Rhymes
    -other books telling you what to do and how to live your life

    I think it's time we get over whatever has been done in the past and start worrying about what the future holds. I was raised Roman Catholic and as early as grade school I was already starting to realize how ridiculous religion is. On paper religion is great, hell, so is Communism...but it obviously doesn't work when trying to live strictly by the rules. What's good for the goose is not good for the gander. We need to stop worrying about what everyone believes and start accepting everyone for who they are. Then and only then will we start to see some light being shed on our futures.

    I never knock another's religion. I only question. I don't expect answers to these question. I only ask so that you'll think about them and come up with a real reason to believe. Just because your parents tell you it's true doesn't mean you have to believe it. It's time we start thinking for ourselves and not believing things just because the stories are old.

    I leave you with a quote:

    "They must find it difficult...those that have taken authority as the truth rather than truth as the authority." -Gerald Massey

  30. Eggs Ackley Says:

    Explain the Crusades...? How about after 400+ years of Muslim aggression, Christians finally got tired of turning the other cheek. After umpteen generations all saying "Hey stop raping our women, killing our children, and stealing all our stuff," wouldn't you get a little ticked off? Do yourself a favor and bypass all the politically correct B.S. you're being spoonfed and find out for yourself how it all came down..

    By the way, Christian missionaries don't go in and wholesale slaughter anyone who won't conform, like some other preposterous religious cult I could name...

  31. Eggs Ackley Says:

    Being agnostic myself, I always get either amused or terrified whenever religion pops up. There is nothing more incendiary than when a conversation turns to religion. Throughout history, religion has been at the heart of almost all wars.

    Having traveled to over 30 countries, mostly 3rd world shitholes, I quickly learned there are two topics you need to avoid at all costs, religion and politics. When you eliminate those two obstacles to rational thought, you find that we're all simply human, and every one of us has all the same basic wants, needs, and desires. But, bring up one of those two subjects in the wrong place or at the wrong time, and your chances of survival can decrease significantly.

    I often wonder, if every believer of all the different faiths tend to think their God of choice is the "one true God," then there must be a whole lot of disappointed dead people that got to the end of the road just to find out they spent their entire lives paying homage to the wrong guy...

  32. Eggs Ackley Says:

    The Bible has a lot of good lessons in there about how one should govern his life, but it's terribly outdated. Not only that, but it was written, revised numerous times, and translated (or mis-translated), into countless languages, by men, You know, those big burly humans that like to sit around a fire, drink mead and talk shit 'till the wee hours.

    Have you ever gone into work one morning and told a co-worker a story about someone? That guy tells someone else, who tells someone else, and so on and so on. Then about lunchtime someone tells the story back to you. You can recognize trace elements of your original story, but every one who relayed it had to add their own editorial comments along the way, to the point where the original story you told is almost unrecognizable. That's simply human nature. Now, if that can happen during the course of a morning at work, what do you think 2000+ years of swapping Bible tales has done?

    Thirty or forty years ago I read a book I believe was called "The Sacred Mushroom and the Cross," or something like that. Its author claimed he had uncovered the origins of Christianity. It was supposedly founded by an orgiastic mushroom-eating cult that consumed so many psychedelic mushrooms and got so high that they... well, saw God.

    Knowing how humans behave, that's an entirely more believable theory than the one we've been fed all our lives.

  33. Kafir Says:

    After the earthquake in pakistan guess who went to help the familes there? Christian groups! Only condition for the families to recieve food and other supplies was to convert to christianism!! What if they said no?? No food, no shelter, no water, etc! How moral is that??

    Anytime some catastrophe like this happens in non - christian countries, the first to arrive are the christians... the aid is NEVER free, no YOU have to accept JESUS first!

    So shut the f**k up ackley! You're nothing but a very arrogant, hypocrite, ignorant person... Don't act like christianism is perfect, that's hypocresy. NO RELIGION is free of violence, killing, rape, etc. ALL pf them have VERY dirty things to hide, some have been better hidden than others, that's all! Most religions have very dark ugly pasts and even dirtier presents, so shut the hell up!

    To those who found the images offensive (yes, I'm talking about you, religious fanatics) : Grow up! This is the internet, don't try to push your ideas on others, don't be a facist pice of s**t! Stop the silly ''you'll go hell, may god fogive you'' threats they're so uncool and childish, plus no one really listens to you. One last thing... FUCK OFF!

  34. Kafira Says:

    I totally agree on this one, one of the very few smart replies I have read here so far, so true, Bill.

  35. Kafira Says:

    I'll never get tired to tell ya all...http://www.jesusneverexisted.com/
    http://www.skepticsannotatedbible.com/index.htm

  36. Kafira Says:

    Nah, republican jesus, black jesus and easter jesus must be the best! Oh who am I tricking, all of them are hella funny in their very own special way!

  37. jimmy Says:

    AAAAAAWWW-BITCH-YOU-GOT-SERVED!!!

  38. Anonymous Says:

    um wait... they slaughtered untold numbers of people that wouldn't reform to Christianity (torturing most of them) because they were tired of being oppressed? Wow... talk about lashing out... And you think that is a misconception that's spoon fed to us? Dont you think the most powerful church in history would have done a little PR work to make sure they weren't made out to be the evil fucks that people have found out they were??

    Hell, even the ROOT WORD for religion means control. Maybe the ones that are thinking through this stuff (and not sitting on a pew every Sunday to have the bible read at them) are not the ones being spoon fed...

    Religion = Fail.

  39. Bordiss Says:

    I dont mind you having a belief or even having a belief that is based on thin air but dont try to argue it logically. You will fail epically.
    Just go "yeah, I know its kinda silly, but its all I have" just man up.

    Im also not a fan of beating up the bible. I think anyone that actually reads it (in its 500th translation) will realize there is no way you can trust it.
    ...and if you dont get that, then you are very likely in that group of people that cant handle reality and have to 'put it all on Jesus'. That in itself is an AMAZINGLY powerful mental state, and also very very stupid.

    I also hate when people use an object to defend that object... "Jesus is good because the bible tells me so" wait, is the bible the book that holds ALL of the known info on jesus? Doesnt sound biased at all...
    /soapbox

  40. 1halo1 Says:

    This is proof that humans orginated from monkeys and it explains our stupidity.
    What I'd like to know is what are you? Are you descendent like the rest of us or something entirely different?

  41. Anonymous Says:

    ha ha, the only one who can forgive, as hilarious as these pictures

  42. Anonymous Says:

    You are a loser.

  43. Anonymous Says:

    Baby jesus is my saviour but Gerrard scores better 30 yard screamers

  44. Anonymous Says:

    God in Heavin? Mercie? Soles? Thay? You should've gone to real school not Sunday school.
    Santa is better than Baby Jesus any day

  45. Anonymous Says:

    ...'cos stupid, fat Americans live there.....

  46. stoney Says:

    >Anonymous Says:
    >November fth, 2008 at 03:47 am

    >its amazing that Jesus is the only one that is ever made fun of, >he was the son of God and we ridicule and poke fun of him....he >is the only way to salvation and you make fun of >him.....blasphemy!!! Just plain Blasphemy!!!!
    >Imagine the rage and frustration the Muslims would experience if >you made fun of Mohamed?? Or if you made fun of Budda?

    >Why is everyone always picking on Jesus, the son of God the >only God who is full of Grace, mercy and Love???

    >I think our generations need to smarten up, and seek the >repentance and forgiveness of the only one who can forgive

    Yes, little one, people are aware those such as you are unable or unwilling to think. Telling grown adults about your childish fantasies {deity and the rest of the malevolent idiocy} really gets tiresome. What would your reaction be to chronically aged adults running around nattering about the 'Tooth Faerie?' You're welcome to your childish fantasies, but please stop pestering the adults. Thank you.

  47. stoney Says:

    >Will Says:
    >November fth, 2008 at 11:44 am

    >FATHER GOD PLEASE FORGIVE THEM FOR THEY KNOW >NOT WHAT THEY HAVE DONE.
    >LORD GOD SHOW THEM TO THE WAY, THE TRUTH AND THE >LIGHT.
    >AMEN

    Nothing fails like prayer. "The Way, the truth and the light" is diametrically opposite the bronze age christian droolings.

    These fools never frigging learn.

  48. jEN Says:

    Except for the guy with the swords. but I guess he doesn't count.
    And I really have a feeling that someday someone will find all the dead bodies buried under the Scientology building!

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