Explore Holy Taco

Babes of Yore: Sexy Actresses in Their 40s and 50s Who Still Got It

By Dustin Seibert

When passing the picture of Sharon Stone rocking a bikini and mesh top on the cover of Shape magazine looking every bit as wanktastic as she did when she did Basic Instinct, I felt old. Twenty-two years ago, she established her place in the canon of cinematic sexiness with the leg-uncross-seen-‘round-the-world, stunning everyone in a white miniskirt at a time when today’s youngest legal drinkers still ran the risk of winding up on their would-be mother’s navel.

That Stone can still wind up in a teenager’s spank bank at age 56 brings with it undeniable braggers’ rights. I’m not too naïve to ignore that there’s some obvious hair dye and Photoshop magic that went into that magazine cover, but you need to have a solid canvas with which to work anyway, and Sharon Stone’s canvas is still solid as hell.

Some folks think there’s no way a man could possibly enjoy relations with a woman over 40 or 50 in lieu of, say, a young, nubile 19-year-old. Bull paddies, I say. You know older ladies are built in with more sex tricks than a young girl, and she’s not selfish. Lift a glass to older women everywhere – if they’re smoking hot, even better.

It’s easy to lose track of the celebrities we wanted to bang when we were young. Good thing I’m here to keep track for you.

Halle Berry – The patron saint of flawlessness. Halle Berry is 47 years old and still totally murdering these broads who are half her age. In an age where Miley Cyrus’s 13-year-old-boy-looking ass is splashed across magazines with her flat, pancake ass and getting all these props, Halle was making a miniskirt look like a motherfucking godsend in Strictly Business. Word is she had a little plastic surgery done, but that’s only a minor point-deduction because it’s clear she hasn’t gone full Kim Novak, thank God. If you don’t think Halle is still slaying all these broads, turn your penis in at the door and exit stage right, stupid.   

Salma Hayek – Every grown man has that one memory of the killer babe from his child or teen years that was utterly transcendental. For me, that was Salma as Santanico Pandemonium, dancing on the bar in the bikini with the giant python. She was 30 years old and her body was completely lacking flaws. Knocking on the door of 48, she’s still a tiny Mexican mega-hottie, growing into her lines like a menopausal champ. She and Halle Berry both dominated the 1990s and it’s cool to see them both son all these hoes out here. Way to set the bar, ladies. Call me.

Angela Bassett I believe that Angela is made out of porcelain and Godiva chocolate: at 55 years of age, she’s proof that black won’t crack for shit. In her career, she played the mother of Cuba Gooding, Jr., Terrence Howard, Weasel from Family Matters and the idiot from Smart Guy, and she hasn’t missed a step. Plus, she’s down with younger men — at least in the movies.

Michelle Pfeiffer – Remember when 25-year-old Michelle came down that elevator in Scarface in the blue, boner-inducing dress? Yeah — that was 31. Fucking. Years. Ago. At 55, she still has this rad, not-quite-a-grandma-but-more-than-a-MILF thing going on. If she strolled out of a bathroom from a shower wearing a black negligee on some Mrs. Robinson-type shit, I doubt you’d kick her out of bed.

Sofia Vergara – The Huffington Post recently posted pictures of Vergara rocking a one-piece swimsuit when she was 20, right after she gave birth to her son. The sexy lips and hotness is still there, but no doubt is she even more of a stunner now at 41. She’s filled out, shows everyone else what true curves are made of and thankfully spends less time as a natural blond these days. She’s been a walking instruction manual on bikinis and swimsuits for decades now — I’d really hate to be her 22-year-old son, since every single one of his straight friends no doubt wants to ball his mother.

Courteney Cox – This might be a controversial position, but fuck it: Courteney Cox was the sexiest “Friend.” Everyone loves Jennifer Aniston, but the dark-haired, gravelly-voiced raven goddess was far more desirable to me. Truth is, the entire cast of Friends would’ve all been sexier if someone sliced out all their tongues and they shut the fuck up; in that case, Cox would be the World’s Hottest Mute. I would never bring myself to watch an episode of Cougar Town, but I can get with all the paparazzi photos of her stunting in bikinis just a flash from turning 50.

Honorable mentions: Christie Brinkley is clearly not an actual human being, Pam Grier’s and Suzanne Somers’ days have passed, but if I was writing this in the late 1990s, they would totally have made the list. Julianne Moore is hot depending on the weather. And God help me, Peggy Bundy stiiiilll got it.

Comments Closed

0 Responses to "Babes of Yore: Sexy Actresses in Their 40s and 50s Who Still Got It"