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New Conspiracy Theory Suggests Barack Obama Was A Time and Space Traveling Explorer Of Mars – No, Seriously.

President Obama’s name gets tossed around a lot by conspiracy theorists; I’m guessing because his name is kind of fun to say and it fits in well when surrounded by a bunch of crazy, completely fictitious crap. It’s almost a joke name that you throw in to a conversation to heighten the absurdity of an already absurd situation that you’ve completely fabricated out of thin air.

Kenyan births, doctored birth certificates, blah blah blah – the list goes on.

Obama can’t be happy when he hears that there are small pockets of people out there that actually believe these things. But there’s a new Obama conspiracy theory out there that I’m sure will or already has put a smile on our president’s face.

Did you know that Barack Obama was a CIA-trained time traveler and space explorer that was once sent on a diplomatic mission to Mars?

It’s true, according to a couple of former CIA agents Andrew D. Basiago and William Stillings, who claim that at the age of 19 our current president was recruited by the CIA, along with 9 others, to be teleported through space, to Mars and back, in an effort to “acclimate Martian humanoids and animals to their presence” and help foster a relationship between humans and Martians. And alien pets, apparently.

And with this, folks, we’ve hit the zenith of not only Obama conspiracy theories, but presidential conspiracy theories as a whole. They’re not going to get any more outlandish than this, and a now we’re all going to have to go back to the drawing board to brainstorm some new, more down-to-earth conspiracy theories for future presidents.

It’s like when a band matures and they get really experimental for their 9th studio album, only to have tapped themselves out creatively with that one. So for their 10th album, they take on a more back-to-our-roots sound, because once they made concept album about the president of the United State being the Doctor from Doctor Who, you really don’t have much new ground to explore. Lyrically speaking, of course.

Conspiracy theorists for future presidents are going to have to start off small, maybe by passing around rumors about how President X has a pair of webbed toes that he or she used to gain an unfair advantage in an Olympic tryout swim race he or she once participated in. Not all the toes are webbed, but just enough toes to gain an unfair swimming advantage.

Or maybe they should go simpler? Maybe they can start spreading the word about President X using his or her feminine wiles to charm their way out of parking tickets, thus gaming the system and therefore proving they are unworthy of the office of the presidency.

Clearly, I’m not the person to come up with these kinds of things. I’m just the guy that’s trying to foster a new era of idiotic bullshit that entertains almost as much as it depresses.

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