If you have a Y chromosome, you likely have heard of MILFhunter. It’s a dirty, dirty website that purports to show men tracking down women who have, at some point, given birth, and making something less heartfelt than love to them. Professional sexologists call it “indifferent porking.” As an added bonus the site is presented in a “reality” format, so you can play along and pretend that, if you too drive around with a buddy and a handicam and just ask the first busty woman over 30 that you see if she’d like to have sex, it’ll absolutely work out.
We’re pretty much worn out on the MILFHunter concept (no offense), but surely that wasn’t the be all and end all of hunting on the internet, was it? The answer was no. It was not. And in fact, the world of hunter.com sites gets much more preposterous than simply pretending to stumble upon women with used wombs who want to do you. There’s way dumber stuff.
Most Telling Quote on the Home Page: Would you be interested in discovering something that works immediately on herpes?
The Gist: I don’t think herpes hunter was the best possible name for this site. It sounds like the nickname a complete asshole would give himself if he was on a quest to just get a hell of a lot of herpes, which seems like a poor plan.
If you click the first link to learn more, you get taken to a page called The Herpes Assassin where you will see this;
That’s the Herpes Assassin, I assume. Does he kill you with herpes or does he only kill victims who have herpes? Or does he live in a DC Comics type world wherein, every night, the good citizens are terrorized by the likes of the Joker and Herpes, as they blow up hospitals together and rob banks and this guy has vowed to stop Herpes at all costs? Whatever the case, I hope he has ninja throwing stars made from actual, sharpened herpes.
Turns out the assassin here actually kills herpes. Want proof? We have testimonials!
Herpes, below the bet references and her brother, all in two lines? Fantatsic!
Most Telling Quote on the Home Page: Web sites with photos for discerning RV travelers who want to see before they go . . .
The Gist: I have never even had a nightmare about the possibility of one day being forced at gunpoint by European douchebags to go hunting for an RV Park, but obviously there’s a niche for it. And you know what, some people like to dress in the same clothes as their spouses or mothers. That’s their thing. Whatever. Still, I’m willing to check the site and see what’s what.
The site makes you click on a state to start your search. I assume Nebraska is the most amusing place one can find a trailer park these days, so I ventured there. It was literally packed to the brim with excitement. Literally.
After disinfecting my computer’s brim, I decided to see what scenic highway 26 in Lewellen had in store for me. My initial guess? Non-stop boobs that serve whipped cream-topped X Boxes. Man, was I close;
Is that actually an RV park? It has 8 sites, isn’t that just a piece of scrubland off the highway that someone put two taps and an extension cord on? Oddly though, it claims to have free wi-fi. Remember when that was hard to get? Now you can get it on dirt lots in a trailer.
The rest of the website is as fascinating as or more fascinating than what I have laid out here. Can you imagine? State by State, RV park by RV park. Sewage hookups, ampage, horse shoe pits. What an age we live in.
Most Telling Quote on the Home Page: Soon to be Published in Paperback!
The Gist: This is a site about a book that tells you how to get rid of head lice. I don’t think I’ll be able to finish this article before I pass out from a shitsplosion of awesomeness.
I think the fact that this site doesn’t tell you how to get rid of head lice, rather it tells you about a book that will tell you how to get rid of head lice, is a testament to every bumblef*ck website that exists out there full of animated gifs of smiling sunshines and mesothilioma hit counters born from 1992’s vague understanding of HTML and hosted on angelfire. Anyway, here’s the book;
Most telling Quote on Home Page: See through vision night shot infrared can see thru clothes.
The Gist: This is an adult website that celebrates that whole “see through” camera craze from a few years ago whereby a low-light filter or lens could effectively make it so a camera could see right through your clothes and make you into an instant all nude naked nude porn star. Naked.
I can’t use screen caps from this site, but I can include this picture;
Oh man, if you buy those glasses it’ll be like looking right into a dimension of shadowy transsexuals. Awesome!
Most Telling Quote on the Home Page: Can Betty Sue snare one of the few remaining cougars in the Blue Ridge Mountains, break an ancient Cherokee curse and find her fairy tale ending?
The Gist: Caitlyn Hunter is a writer who wrote a book that the above sentence describes. This is the cover of said book;
I can’t hope to ever top that and I won’t try.