Carnie Wilson Did NOT Gain 79lbs!

In this history of great defenses, there’s Clarence Darrow’s defense of evolution in the Scopes-monkey trial, Thomas Jefferson’s defense of liberty in the declaration of independence and now, another great defense has emerged; Carnie Wilson’s defense of her weight gain on Good Morning America.  Behold PURE GENIUS:

Carnie Wilson is slamming the National Enquirer for claiming that she has gained 79 pounds

“If I’m 205 today, that means I am up 70 pounds,” she revealed in a candid interview about her weight battle on Good Morning America Thursday. 79 pounds, she said, “is an outright lie.

That’s right you f-ing bastards!  How DARE you say she’s gained 79 pounds when CLEARLY she’s gained 70!  Liars!  The press are all liars!  It’s simple fact checking.  I mean, open your eyes people!  Here’s Carney at her weight now, a gain of 70 pounds!

Now look when I use the computer simulation to show what a  79 pound weight gain would be.

See!  Obviously different!  I have no tolerance for lazy journalism.