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7 Ways to Make the New Flappy Bird Less Addictive

Flappy-Bird-Failure

Flappy Bird is here again! A revamped, “less addictive” version of the game debuts this August, though the game’s designer won’t explain how he plans to make the game less drug-like. Perhaps by stealing one of the following...

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Prince Returns to Warner Brothers, Already Hates Them Again

prince-slave

Prince recently returned to his old record label, Warner Brothers, after 20+ years of hating them. Less than two weeks in, he already hates them again. It’s the least surprising thing Prince has ever done.

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‘Two and a Half Men’ Is Finally Ending, Thank God

2011 CBS Upfront

I’d say we hardly knew ye, but much like an aging mother-in-law, you overstayed your welcome and stunk up every room you were in.

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Reviewing 51 Seconds of the Million-Dollar Wu-Tang Clan Album

Wu-Tang-Clan-Once-Upon-A-Time-In-Shaolin

The Wu-Tang Clan is pressing exactly one copy of their new album. It costs $5 million, and everyone else can only listen to it in a museum of Wu’s choice. Based on the 51-second snippet Forbes just released, the album isn’t even close ...

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Smart Octopus Unscrews Jar, Too Dumb to Actually Escape

octopus-jar

An octopus gets trapped inside a jar — oh no! It then figures out how to escape — oh yes! It then chooses to stay inside the jar — oh kay?

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Roger Goodell’s #AskCommish Hijacked Because Why Wouldn’t It Be?

ask-commish

NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell recently started the hashtag #AskCommish. He probably figured, just as McDonald’s, Blackberry, Walgreens, the NCAA, and the NYPD, that it would be harmless fluff about his favorite food and how much people love...

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Gilbert Gottfried Voices Videogames, Forgets How To Gilbert Gottfried

Credit: Game Informer

Gilbert Gottfried voicing video games could have been the greatest thing ever, but for some reason, his iconic shrieks, squeaks, and high-pitched whines are totally gone. Instead, we get a series of half-assed reads that make me wonder if he was o...

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Eminem Apologizes to His Mom in ‘Headlights’ Video – Does Anyone Believe Him?

Eminem-Debbie-Mathers-throwback-photo

Em still manages to drudge up more of his mother’s dirty hayseed family laundry — it’s like he works to squeeze an episode of The Maury Show in at least every other track.

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May Is Masturbation Month – How Are You Celebrating?

southpark-ectoplasm-crop

May is International Masturbation Month, which is like having a National Air Month, National Water Month, or National Stare-at-a-Fat-Ass Month — it provides recognition to an activity that everyone does any damn way.

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Turns Out Everyone Loved the How I Met Your Mother Finale Except You

HIMYM-finale

Scrolling down the typical Twitter feed, and clicking on the typical pop culture snarksite, you would think How I Met Your Mother had the worst, most ill-received finale since Seinfeld. You would be … wrong. Scientific analysis concludes tha...

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