Articles - Page 20

Reviewing Movies We Haven’t Seen: August 24th

Last week was a shameful event at the movies (or not, depending on your tastes) but this week is going straight up subtle with offerings that are all pretty much flying under the radar. To the movies!

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An Open Letter to Up and Coming Disney Stars

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by Ian Fortey

S’up? You guys just hanging out? That’s cool. Pretty def, huh? And maybe phat? Yeah. So listen, I don’t want to come off sounding like a square adult, or some kind of unhip shitbird (kids still say that, right?) but I need you to be prepared ...

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5 Planets Not Run by Apes

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by Ian Fortey

You can’t trust a planet of the apes and I’ll tell you why – it’s run by apes. We all love a chimpanzee when they’re wearing t-shirts and engaging in delightful antics, but the downside is that every so often a chimp can and will take a person’s ...

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How to Fight a Holy Man in 3 Easy Steps

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by Ian Fortey

So, you’ve decided to take a harbinger of a Lord to task (which Lord? Doesn’t matter), good for you. For far too long the envoys of the various holy orders around the world have been getting pretty uppity, haven’t they? With their circumcisions...

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A Game of Hodor vs The Walking Carl

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by Ian Fortey

It is dark and it is cold and everything should be still and peaceful. Everything is not. The forest has shed its forest sounds. There are no birds in trees, nor even insects. There is no breeze. But there is the crunch of leaves, felled bran...

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Reviewing Movies we Haven’t Seen: August 17th

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by Ian Fortey

This is arguably one of the biggest weeks for movies in ages, not because it has a certified blockbuster like every week since May, but because it doesn’t. In fact, it has a lot of movies that are uniquely tailored to different audiences making i...

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6 Saddest Places Penises Have Had to be Freed From

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by Ian Fortey

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The penis is the strangest animal you’ll ever meet. It stands proud when it’s happy, shrinks like a fearful puppy when it’s scared or cold and it also humps stuff. All kinds of stuff. And not just normal stuff like other people or Fleshlights, ...

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6 Unceremonious Ways to End a Sexual Encounter

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by Ian Fortey

So, you’ve decided to have sex. Please tell me what it’s like. But also, be wary! As it happens, not all sex can be as glamorous as what you’ve seen in Willem Dafoe movies. As it happens, sometimes sex doesn’t follow a script and then somethin...

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How to Remove a Wine Stain

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by Ian Fortey

So, got a little stain there do ya, rubbie dub? Could barely hold that glass upright? Don’t feel bad, we’ll save you before anyone realizes what a dangerous lush you are.

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A Game of Hodor: Chapter V

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by Ian Fortey

There are mornings when I wake up and have to wonder if perhaps I unknowingly made a great enemy of some vengeful god at some point in my life. I awoke this morning to a direwolf attempting to breed with my cloak whilst I was wearing it. Just a w...

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Articles - Page 20

Reviewing Movies We Haven’t Seen: August 24th

An Open Letter to Up and Coming Disney Stars

5 Planets Not Run by Apes

How to Fight a Holy Man in 3 Easy Steps

A Game of Hodor vs The Walking Carl

Reviewing Movies we Haven’t Seen: August 17th

6 Saddest Places Penises Have Had to be Freed From

6 Unceremonious Ways to End a Sexual Encounter

How to Remove a Wine Stain

A Game of Hodor: Chapter V

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