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Articles - Page 28

The Campaign to make me an Iron Chef Judge

iron chef

Hey Iron Chef producers, what’s up? My name is Ian Fortey and I am the managing editor here at Holy Taco. I also edit content for Break.com and was once a columnist on Cracked.com. I’m so famous on the internet that total strangers have sent me...

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Reviewing Movies We Haven’t Seen Yet: Feb 8th


Oh man, remember last week? There was a zombie movie and a Stallone movie and they weren’t the same thing. I have nothing else to say about that. This week is what we in the industry call “a mixed bag” and by bag I obviously mean nutsack. Let’s...

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What Happened to That Guy: 5 Squandered Potentials

The Losers movie poster entire cast

Hollywood is a weird place. I can say this with authority as I’ve been there on two separate occasions and once I spent a lot of time drinking. It’s built on piles of money all devoted to the seemingly arbitrary art of film, to making new Fast a...

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25 Things the Canadian Penny Can Do Now That It’s Retired


Canada has finally done what everyone with a pocketful of pennies looking for a quarter has wanted to do for ages – they’ve abolished the little copper shit. No longer will Canadians be forced to deal with pennies and the tight asses will forever...

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What Your Cliché Tattoo Says About You


Some years ago we ventured to tell you what your tattoo said about you, but times have changed and so have tattoos. Miami Ink, LA Ink, Ink Masters, Tattoo Nightmares and a solid 100 other shows about tattoos have permeated the airwaves. Everyone...

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The 5 Best Places to Set a Horror Movie


A horror movie fan is more passionate than any other kind of movie fan and I’ll tell you why – we wallow in disappointment. No other film genre so routinely suffers from disappointing films as horror.

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Reviewing Movies we Haven’t Seen Yet: Feb 1st


January is finally over and with it, all bad movies. Ha ha! No, of course not, every week is bad movies with like three good ones a month. It’s a crap shoot. Which one is worth seeing? It’s hard to tell, especially if you guy by what I write ...

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The Definitive List of Fart Euphemisms


Farting. It’s the single funniest thing a person can do. Don’t Google it, don’t debate, don’t even bother trying to think of something funnier. There’s nothing. But the problem with farting, if there is one, is that it may be too funny. It’s ...

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American Idol Recap: The Finale


I know what you’re thinking – “Ian, can I undress and feed you chicken wings?” The answer is a resounding yes. And while we do that let me explain something to you – American Idol is, as far as I know, still on TV. I set out this year with a mi...

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25 Things That Make You an Objectively Bad Person


Listen, I’m no expert on life, love and how things work, but I’m probably more qualified to make decisions about those things than a large percentage of the world. I base this belief on my powers of observation and the fact I’ve witnessed so many...

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