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Too Damn Hot: A Poem


Because it’s too damn hot. I wrote tis poem.

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The 9 Best Horror Movies of the Past 5 Years


How do you pick 9 movies and call them the best of the last 5 years when probably hundreds came out including hundreds you didn’t even see? Easy! It involves heavy use of the word “arbitrary” and a lot of not giving a shit. Sometimes you just h...

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The 5 Best Poor Foods No Money Can Buy


I’ve probably written on most kinds of foods at one time or another – the best tacos, wings, shit you can buy at the dollar store, drinks, candy and chips, but today I write about food as a public service. Cheap food. Value food! Food you can b...

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25 Things I Need in a Pacific Rim Sequel


Naturally I saw Pacific Rim this weekend because, unlike people who saw Grown Ups 2, I have a soul that is neither black nor awash in metaphysical feces. I’m still decent. And I made the right choice because I can guarantee Grown Ups 2 was not g...

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Reviewing Movies we Haven’t Seen Yet: July 12th


Last week Despicable Me 2 destroyed the Lone Ranger in humiliating and disgusting ways. The Lone Ranger is going to have to borrow money from John Carter it got ruined so bad. Probably because no one actually cares about the Lone Ranger since it...

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7 Possible Reasons Justin Bieber Pissed in that Bucket


The world is buzzing with the new video of Justin Bieber allegedly urinating in a mop bucket at a nightclub. But is that really what the video shows? Do we know exactly what was going on? Do we know the context? No. All we know for sure is th...

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4 Things You Have No Right to Do


Every day people go about their lives confident that they have a right to be who they want to be and do what they want to be. In point of fact this is untrue. Those of us in Western democracies have rights only by social contract. I agree that ...

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Probably the 10 Best Cat Photos on the Internet


The internet is about 30% cat photos. Porn is only another 30%, 10% is legit websites and the remainder is people bitching about anything and everything. Of the cat part, there’s a hell of a lot of pictures that are pretty unremarkable. Seems l...

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25 Thoughts You Have After a Long Weekend


Isn’t getting away awesome? No matter what you did this weekend, barring a life-altering mishap, disease or animal attack, you probably enjoyed it more than being in the office. It’s good to get away. But man, when getting away ends and it’s ti...

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Reviewing Movies We Haven’t Seen Yet: July 5th


This week was all screwed up thanks to the holiday with both big releases coming out on Wednesday and today being left for the shit that studios hope make at least enough money to cover catering on the set.

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