Articles - Page 3

25 Better Things to Watch Than An SNL Rerun

I’ve come to the conclusion that people watch Saturday Night Live out of habit. It’s been on TV since 1923 and it’s just always there and, honestly, nothing else new is on at 11:30 on a Saturday so people watch it in the hopes that it will be a f...

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Reviewing Movies We Haven’t Seen Yet: April 26th

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by Ian Fortey

A few years ago, couldn’t say when exactly, May really became the month when studios started ushering out the big blockbusters. Summer has always been the season of huge film releases but the date of the year’s first big tentpole seems to always ...

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Ranking 17 Super Mario Characters by Awesomeness

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by Ian Fortey

According to my research there are 713 different Mario games in existence probably. Like I’d really check. There are a lot of them, though, and they’ve been pretty much the foundation of everything Nintendo has done forever. Without Mario they ...

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The Oldest Dildo in the World: A Perspective

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by Ian Fortey

It’s 28,000 years ago. Saber-toothed cats still exist. As do Neanderthals. Humanity is slowly establishing itself, art is being created, and tools. And in a cave, in what is present day Germany, someone stores their stone dildo. It’s about 8 ...

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5 Food Network Shows I Should Be On

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by Ian Fortey

I recently wrote about why I should be a judge on Iron Chef: America but let’s be honest – the Food Network has a whole schedule of shows that could benefit from my presence. Am I a classically trained chef? No. Am I a celebrity? No. Would p...

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Reviewing Movies we Haven’t Seen: April 19th

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by Ian Fortey

We’ve all had a week to recover from none of us seeing Scary Movie 5, so that’s good. In what was a surprise to no one, that movie sucked and is making shit money. I don’t understand how people keep throwing money at shitty ideas like that. I w...

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The 5 Best Monsters for Dads

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by Ian Fortey

Probably your dad sucks. It’s the nature of dads. Like maybe as a dad he’s awesome, but I mean in the grand scheme of things he sucks compared to a ninja or a robot, right? Of course.

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4 Things At Which No One Really Wins

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by Ian Fortey

Not everyone can be a winner, that’s a lesson that’s slowly being forgotten thanks to the overabundance of participation ribbons and awards children get just for existing and barely trying these days. Time was you had to excel at something and be...

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8 of the Most Awesome Things in the World

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by Ian Fortey

Comedy thrives on negativity. Making fun of something is necessarily negative, it takes a negative view of something. I spend all day on Twitter making fun of Kardashians and Biebers and whatever other stupid thing is afoot. I just used the pej...

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25 More Ignorant Things Justin Bieber Could Have Said

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by Ian Fortey

The big news in the kiddie pop world this weekend was Justin Bieber showing up at the Anne Frank museum and in a fit of ignorance and blind, egotistical teenage pop superstardom he wrote in the guest book that Anne was a great girl and he hopes sh...

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Articles - Page 3

25 Better Things to Watch Than An SNL Rerun

Reviewing Movies We Haven’t Seen Yet: April 26th

Ranking 17 Super Mario Characters by Awesomeness

The Oldest Dildo in the World: A Perspective

5 Food Network Shows I Should Be On

Reviewing Movies we Haven’t Seen: April 19th

The 5 Best Monsters for Dads

4 Things At Which No One Really Wins

8 of the Most Awesome Things in the World

25 More Ignorant Things Justin Bieber Could Have Said

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