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Pigs vs Scientology


Pigs are the most maligned of all animals on Earth. Their very name is an insult, they wallow in filth and more than on major world religion forbids eating them at all. Not a lot of animals get damned by God. And speaking of religion, Scientolo...

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The Inner Monologue of Carrot Top While He’s Performing


Alright, good looking crowd tonight, I like that. Ph’nglui mglw’nafh cthulhu r’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn! In his house at R’lyeh, dead Cthulhu waits dreaming!

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Mocking Dead: The Walking Dead Recap (Mid Season Finale)


OMG, fog and a scream! And zombie feet! It’s a great day to be a zombie. Also, this chick is so sloppy looking even for a zombie, but what the hell is this? Who are these people? This show has no rules at all. New people run and then…are th...

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How to Make Love


So, you’ve decided to stick it to genetics and luck and try your hand at sweet, sweet coitus, good for you. The sex act, or porking, is one of the most satisfying ways to spend a commercial break man has ever devised. It provides a level of clos...

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The Amazing World of Judith Vigna


Children’s books generally fall into one of three categories; they’re either goofy and pointless, simplistic versions of adult stories or they’re education disguised as entertainment. Nearly any kids book you can think of can be categorized in th...

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The Worst Thing Ever


I want you to look at something and know that it’s not my fault. I didn’t do this. I wouldn’t do this. But it’s a thing that happened and I never knew about it until just now, two years after the fact. Just look.

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Mocking Dead: The Walking Dead Recap (S3 E7)


Poor Glenn, captured by Merle and ready to be tortured or whatever. And Glenn’s a pussy so you know this isn’t going to end well. I don’t mean that in a mean way, he’s heroic in a sneaky way. But like, face to face heroics? Nah.

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Reviewing Movies we Haven’t Seen Yet: Nov. 23


Most movies this week came out on Wednesday instead of Friday because Black Friday cannot be interrupted for any reason and we’re all disgusting people. God forbid you can’t stream into Best Buy like pigs being let into a feeding pen so you can g...

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Thanksgiving for Cool Kids


So Thanksgiving is here and you don’t want to cook a turkey. Do you have a turkey? Well hey, maybe you should also go get some sweet and sour tongue and maybe cabbage soup because your dinner is already shit on a plate, no need to put in any mo...

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My New Pink Button: Product of the Day


Don’t you just hate faded and discolored labia? And do you have any idea how long I, as a writer, have been waiting to type that sentence and have it be relevant to something? What a day for a daydream today is.

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