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Thanksgiving for Cool Kids

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So Thanksgiving is here and you don’t want to cook a turkey. Do you have a turkey? Well hey, maybe you should also go get some sweet and sour tongue and maybe cabbage soup because your dinner is already shit on a plate, no need to put in any mo...

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My New Pink Button: Product of the Day

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Don’t you just hate faded and discolored labia? And do you have any idea how long I, as a writer, have been waiting to type that sentence and have it be relevant to something? What a day for a daydream today is.

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Mocking Dead: The Walking Dead recap (S3 E6)

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Rick is still insane and talking on the phone to people who can’t possibly be there. Let’s be honest, the entire premise of someone randomly dialing the phone in a world that hasn’t been functioning in several years is pretty weak ass. Who’s buy...

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8 of the Best Sayings About the Moustache

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The world is rife with classic sayings. A rolling stone gathers no moss, the road to hell is paved with good intentions, you can’t take your pants off on the bus. There’s plenty to choose from and, as you might expect, the noble moustache has it...

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Reviewing Movies We Haven’t Seen Yet: November 16th

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Oh man, this is some kind of week at the movies. It’s like Hollywood got drunk and woke up the next day and couldn’t explain what happened, there was just this crazy shit going on. And now we are the beneficiaries of it. Not sure what I mean? ...

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The Fleshlight Box Incident: Aftermath

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The following is the voicemail my grandmother left me last night, transcribed for your enjoyment.

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25 Things a Straight Guy is Afraid are Gay

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The recent election in the US and the legalization of gay marriage in yet more states has made great strides for equality as it relates to sexuality. Back in the day, gay was the worst insult you could sling at someone on the schoolyard.

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Help Jim Tews for the Love of God!

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Hey everyone, remember Jim Tews? He used to write for Holy Taco until our secretary took out a restraining order against him and he wasn’t allowed within 1000 yards of the building. 1000? That’s a lot, Jim! Your ether-soaked rag wi...

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The Fleshlight Box Incident

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Not so long ago, the good people at Fleshlight got a hold of me and asked me if I’d like to review one of their newest products, the Alexis Texas Fleshlight, because I’m a journalist who reviews wang sleeves and then shares the results with you, m...

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Mocking Dead: The Walking Dead Recap (S3 E5)

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Last week sure was intense wasn’t it? Can they keep up the intensity this week and, if so, does that mean another shitty cast member has to die? Oh man, I don’t know yet!

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