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Stop Yelling at Walruses: A PSA


I am a walrus. I frolic in the sea like a majestic fatty.

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The Versatility of Turd


Ahh. The noble turd. Unloved. Overlooked. Shunted aside like so much shit. The turd is ever a stalwart companion in our vulgar lexicon. Not so robust as shit, not so juvenile as poop. Not as scholarly as feces or fecund as excrement. It is...

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25 Things the Internet is Better Than


It’s 2013 and according to recent studies, everyone spends all the time on the internet. Everyone. All the time. Internet. But there’s also this curious notion people have been developing that they need to spend time away from the internet, doi...

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Reviewing Movies We Haven’t Seen Yet: Jan 11th


Naturally I didn’t want a single movie that came out last week because they were all abhorrent in some way. This week looks less awful, but there’s a lot opening in limited release that looks extra awful to make up for it. I’m starting to think ...

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How to Be Wrong


As some of you know, I’m an avid Twat. Ha ha! I play with linguistics. But seriously, as part of my job, I’m on Twitter a lot and, unofficially, part of my job is to make fun of Donald Trump. I now present to you a series of tweets that result...

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When Boobs Go Bad


Any man on Earth with an interest in boobs (gay guys, go have a smoothie) can confirm that, at some point in time, in a conversation with a woman, you’ll be challenged with the spurious and confused notion that men just love boobs.

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The Juggalo Blues


Please start this video and turn your speakers on before continuing. Thank you.

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Celebrity Cook Off’s Rejected Team List


OH MY GOOD FREAKING GOD! If you’re like me, you’re still sitting in a puddle of your own excited fluids after last night’s intense premiere of Rachael vs Guy Celebrity Cook Off. Season one featured luminaries like Coolio and Joey Fatone but this...

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Reviewing Movies we Haven’t Seen Yet: Jan 4th


It’s 2013 so finally we get to reset our “worst movie of the year” lists and see what Hollywood has in store. Will the very first Friday of 2013 start off with a bang? Ha ha, what are you, new here? If there’s a single week this year that featu...

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The Stories You’ll Hate in 2013

holiday 2013

Well it’s a brand new year and that means brand new stuff is going to happen, right? Wrong. Nothing new has happened since 1990 with the release of U Can’t Touch This which ushered in an era of white kids trying to rap.

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