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4 Kinds of Urine You Can Buy Right Now


Did you pee today? You should have, because it’s weird if you went a day without peeing. But did you ever stop to appreciate your urine? Probably not unless you’re one of those freaks on the internet. Oh. Hmm.

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Why You Should Never Chase a Wild Turkey


This article is in no way about the booze that was very astutely named after one of nature’s most terrible monsters, the turkey. Farm raised turkeys seemed like scrotum-necked dullards but a wild turkey is some kind of heinous, devil-gobbler.

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Fall 2012 in Terrible Television


Every fall TV networks throw steaming piles of poo at a wall in the hopes that one is just sticky enough to not fall off and roll away into obscurity. This very rarely works out well, but one or two shows on each network inevitably make it throug...

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Reviewing Movies we Haven’t Seen Yet: September 7th


Summer is over so what does the first week of kids back in school and shitty movies have for us? Some shitty movies! In fairness (having never seen them, hence the clever title of this feature) I can’t be 100% sure they’re all shitty, but I have...

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7 Words We Can’t Use Anymore Thanks to the Internet


Thanks to people like me and you, the English language is constantly being buggered every which way. When fools aren’t stomping it to unrecognizable pieces in text messages and Facebook updates, the rest of us are tittering at words that used to...

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5 Little People who Were Not Oompah Loompahs


Hollywood could not be where it is today without the skills of a wide variety of people. People of all shapes and colors and sizes, and that includes little people, who you may know as midgets (but don’t say midget, it’s like the N word only don’...

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The Kick Ass Kiss Komparison


How many times have you been invited to a kick ass makeout party full of swimsuit models and porn stars and Holy Taco editors and you have to be like “Oh, I can’t, I have polio” and then you stay home and make out with a room temperature ham –WHIC...

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What Back to School Means to You


If you are not a silly child, or in possession of such things, then back to school hype is meaningless to you. You don’t need a lunch box or a pencil case or…what else do kids have? Sugar beets? I dunno.

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Reviewing Movies we Haven’t Seen Yet: August 31st


Last week was a bunch of burgled turds, let’s be honest. The best offering was a movie about a bike messenger. Come on. This week is…well. It’s a different week, so, you know, that’s something. And maybe all of these movies are equally the be...

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Holy Taco Meets the Suicide Girls


This past weekend Holy Taco managing editor Ian Fortey, currently typing about himself in the 3rd person, headed to Toronto, Ontario to attend Fan Expo. You already saw how his heart was broken by Lou Ferrigno (if not, go read it) but what you di...

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