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Articles - Page 52

6 Unceremonious Ways to End a Sexual Encounter


So, you’ve decided to have sex. Please tell me what it’s like. But also, be wary! As it happens, not all sex can be as glamorous as what you’ve seen in Willem Dafoe movies. As it happens, sometimes sex doesn’t follow a script and then somethin...

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How to Remove a Wine Stain


So, got a little stain there do ya, rubbie dub? Could barely hold that glass upright? Don’t feel bad, we’ll save you before anyone realizes what a dangerous lush you are.

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A Game of Hodor: Chapter V


There are mornings when I wake up and have to wonder if perhaps I unknowingly made a great enemy of some vengeful god at some point in my life. I awoke this morning to a direwolf attempting to breed with my cloak whilst I was wearing it. Just a w...

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Reviewing Movies We Haven’t Seen: August 10th


Last week the Hollywood machine had a possum stuck in the gears and turned out pure shit. Our apologies to anyone who went to theaters last week. This week a new set of movies with maybe some more potential and less suckitude. But who will reig...

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4 Drunk Stories Everyone Has


Everyone of a certain age and value set enjoys a good drunkening. That should be a fairly acceptable statement. Incidentally, if you’re one of those 19 year olds who doesn’t drink, for the love of Pete don’t get all preachy about it, because it’...

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An Open Letter to National Geographic Channel


How’s taking pictures of indigenous boobies? I imagine it’s both satisfying and kind of sad at the same time. Keep it up. Listen, the reason I wanted to talk to you is this new American Gypsy show you guys have on TV. I need you to listen to ...

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How the Avengers 2 Should (but Won’t) End


The sky is black. The Earth itself shakes. Panicked screams are now silenced as the citizens of Earth stumble in their attempts to evacuate major cities and urban centers, struck fully by the realization of what is coming. Thanos the Mad Titan ...

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Perfect Dangers: Chapter CMLXXXVI


We approach the 19th anniversary with no end in sight. My resolve is all but gone. I go through the motions of life like some kind of robot and the days mean so little any more. Am I awake or dreaming? Am I still the man I was? Am I a man at a...

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Reviewing Movies We Haven’t Seen: August 3rd


Last week we gave the edge over everything to Batman because of all the shite movies opening. This week, will it be different? To the reviews!!!

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5 Curiously Obscene Fruits


Everyone loves a picture gallery of green peppers that look vaguely like penis or boobs. Except me! When I want obscene fruits and veggies, I go to the source. Mother Nasty Nature. She’s a saucy old tart and she can give you the goods. Just l...

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