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12 Classes That Should Be Taught in Elementary School

f*ckcursive

Grade-school “education” is pointless filler designed to create good capitalist drones while allowing teachers enough down-time to play Candy Crush. Here’s what our children should be learning.

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God Has Nothing to Do With the Super Bowl, You F***ing Idiots

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If you really believe God is omnipotent and benevolent, answer a question for us: Why does God’s plan for the human race include football?

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25 Things We Could Do in an Elevator Together

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It’s you and me on our way up to the 13th floor and the elevator craps out. We’re trapped. Is help coming? Maybe. Maybe we’ll die here together. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. What exactly can you do with me on an e...

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Where’s Holy Taco?

sciencetwit

Hi everyone, I’m not dead! Rejoice! fact is, I do most of my work these days over at Break.com

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The People of Walmart

walmart

I was robbed at a Wal Mart yesterday so I’m taking today off. Here’s a people of Wal Mart video. Screw you, guy who owns my phone now.

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25 Things No One Wants for Christmas

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Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat and I have no pennies for that old man’s hat. Why? Because I’ve been buying overpriced shit like fashion turtles and Marxist philosophy textbooks for people on my Christmas list

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Reviewing Movies We Haven’t Seen Yet: December 13th

review

I think I missed even writing this feature last week, probably due to drunkenness or prison, but I’ll thank you not to meddle in my affairs. I trust all the films from last week sucked, however.

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Because It’s So Damn Cold Outside

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It’s cold here. Too cold. Frigid as a nun with a hormone imbalance. I don’t like it.

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An Open Letter to the Wendy’s That Made Me Violently Ill

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25 Curses You Utter When Your New Router Fails

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This weekend I bought a new router after realizing I’d been using the same router since about 2005 and it was only capable of top speeds somewhere around half of what my modem should be kicking out. Basically I was putting premium fuel in old tim...

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