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Hamster Asses, Doorknob Licking, And Other Strange Japanese Obsessions

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I realize that it’s the antithesis of political correctness to make sweeping generalizations about a whole group of people, especially if that generalization tends toward the negative. But man…the Japanese are just plain effing weird.

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Let Us Buy The Lead Role In Star Wars For Just $10

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JJ Abrams is launching a contest where the winner becomes an extra in Star Wars VII. That’s not good enough. If you’re going to let somebody play a part in Star Wars, you should make it THE part. Abrams should give whoever wins their v...

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Holy Taco Bad Book Club: The Tushy Book

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The Tushy Book is a (so, so awkward) celebration of derrieres, quite often naked ones. The authors designed their book to be an innocent and non-pervy romp, but thanks to their many illustrations of children in their underwear (or less), oh dear G...

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Great Failures From the Past: Devil Comes Back to Georgia

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“Devil Comes Back to Georgia” is the little-known sequel to “Devil Went Down to Georgia.” It might be the laziest song ever recorded, because it’s the EXACT SAME SONG as its prequel. Devil fiddle-duels Johnny again, p...

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Great Failures From the Past: The Sit-Down Ironing Board

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Aaron Hernandez May Have Murder Clues in His Tattoos

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This settles it: Aaron Hernandez is dumber than a bag of avocados.

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Charlie Zelenoff: Rocky – Skill + Extra Brain Damage

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Charlie Zelenoff is a skinny white Internet troll who fancies himself a boxing master. He challenged professional puncher Deontay Wilder to a fight, because maybe he couldn’t beat up Floyd Mayweather’s dad, but an undefeated boxer in h...

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Pat Sajak: Game Show Host, Bored Twitter Troll

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Pat Sajak thinks people who fear global warming are unpatriotic racists. He’s trolling people about it on Ywitter, because that always works. It sounds like Pat is more bored and insane than political. We say embrace it. Go on a crazy old ma...

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Dear Macklemore: Hip-Hop Wants Nothing to Do With You

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As the High Council’s Foremost Authority on All Things Hip-Hop*, I’m making the decree that Macklemore is not now, and shall never be, real hip-hop.

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The 2014 NBA Playoff Coaches and Their Serial Killer Equivalents

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NBA coaches and serial killers have a lot in common; they’re both cerebral, crafty, and obsessive to a degree, yet simultaneously prone to bouts of maniacal rage and unjustified cruelty towards figures of authority. Just look at this year...

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