Out Of Control St. Patrick’s Day Fight (Busted Coverage)
Barack Obama-sistible! (Double Viking)
It’s a nerd cake (Camel Tap)
7 Deadly dating sins and how to avoid them (Just A Guy Thing)
Winemaker insures his nose for 8 million (Asylum)
Sled Smart (Tasty Booze)
7pm Suicide Girl: Machete (Coedmagazine)
Kristen Cavallari got lucky at 13 (complex)
10 greatest mascot fights of all time (Unibrow)
There’s a lot of things to like about Las Vegas. There’s the cheap buffets, the whores, the strippers, the gambling, the stripper whores and the whores who are also strippers. Tell us what you think is the best part about Las Vegas and why. Whoever makes the most convincing argument will win a copy of Tom Clancy’s Rainbow Six: Vegas 2. Leave your argument in the comments section. Winners will be contacted by Holy Taco.
Let’s face it, so many middle-aged men look like Kenny Rogers that this phenomenon demanded the creation of a web site. So, now we have menwholooklikekennyrogers.com.
Is it a coincedence that most middle-aged men have gray hair and are so overweight that they feel the need to grow a beard to hide their 14 chins? Nah, probably not.
Bruce Bowen Is A Dirty Player (Double Viking)
John Daly is awesome (Busted Coverage)
Food Court Musical (Camel Tap)
The Ultimate Office Etiquette Guide (Just a Guy Thing)
Billy Crystal Is Annoying (Asylum)
Can You Kill Yourself With Viagra? (Tastybooze)
7 Deadly Sins Omitted By The Catholic Church (Coedmagazine)
Japanese Scientists Are Awesome (Complex)
This one’s pretty weird, so let’s get right into it. According to msnbc.com:
NESS CITY, Kan. - Deputies said a woman in western Kansas sat on her boyfriend’s toilet for two years, and they’re investigating whether she was mistreated.
It appeared the 35-year-old Ness City woman’s skin had grown around the seat.
“We pried the toilet seat off with a pry bar and the seat went with her to the hospital,” Sheriff Whipple said. “The hospital removed it.”
“She was not glued. She was not tied. She was just physically stuck by her body,” Whipple said. “It is hard to imagine. … I still have a hard time imagining it myself.”
The boyfriend called police on Feb. 27 to report that “there was something wrong with his girlfriend,” Whipple said, adding that he never explained why it took him two years to call.
He told investigators he brought his girlfriend food and water, and asked her every day to come out of the bathroom.
“And her reply would be, ‘Maybe tomorrow,”’ Whipple said. “According to him, she did not want to leave the bathroom.”
How stupid do you have be to wait two years before you call the police to get your clearly insane girlfriend out of the bathroom? I imagine a lot of conversations like this:
Boyfriend: Honey…breakfast is ready. Can you please come out of the bathroom.
Girlfriend: Thanks, Hon. But I’m OK.
Boyfriend: Are you sure? I made your favorite. Blueberry waffles.
Girlfriend: Wow. That sounds great. But my skin has grown over the toilet seat. If I stand up my legs will rip off.
Boyfriend: I even got that maple butter you like so much. Why don’t you come sit down at the table.
Girlfriend: It hurts so much. I can only feel pain. Please help.
Boyfriend: OK, well come out whenever you’re ready. I don’t want to rush you.
Girlfriend: Please, for the love of Christ, call for help.
Boyfriend: I love you, too!
Repeat 700 times.
I’m not one to judge, so I’m going to let EroticFalconry.com speak for itself:
What’s abnormal about wanting to see your wife take a three-inch beak instead of a 10-inch African American phallus or a silicon, injection-molded forearm? How can a human vagina or anus even compare to hollow bones or a molty egg-hole.
Eroticfalconry.com is hopefully just the tip of the iceberg. Our goal is to show others what turns us on so that they can see the natural sexual ferocity of our feathered friends.
I just worked up a math equation to express how I feel about boning birds: Talons + Penis = Terrified Screaming. And I try to do as little terrified screaming as possible during sex. (That’s usually reserved for my partner.)
If you want to buy a piece of worthless crap, go to Ebay. If you want to buy a worthless piece of crap signed by a worthless actor or musician…you still go to Ebay.
10. Michael Winslow
The problem with an autographed picture of the guy who did all the craaaazy sound effects in the Police Academy movies is that it doesn’t make a peep. This guy needs to sell autographs with some kind of speaker attached to it that makes the sound of him autographing the picture, otherwise it’s just another worthless semi-celebrity autograph. Actually, it’ll be that no matter what. Price: $19.99
9. Jerry O’Connell
O’Connell’s magical film career (Kangaroo Jack, Tomcats) has contributed to the greatness of this autograph. Another great thing about it is the fact that it’s not even an autographed picture, but just a card. For all the shit O’Connell gets, we can’t knock him too hard because his wife, Rebecca Romijn Stamos, is hotter than 100% of the population. Price: $9.99
8. Jim Belushi
This autograph is also on a sheet of paper, or a “cut” as the seller tries to put it. But this has a little essence of the Bel-OOSH thrown in. It’s in mint condition except for a ketchup stain on the left side from the hotdog Belushi was eating at the time he signed it. So in a way, this thing is double autographed. Price: $19.95
If you went to a dentist’s office when you were a kid, then you probably remember reading those really crappy “Highlights for Children” magazines which contained Goofus and Gallant cartoons. They showed us Goofus doing something wrong, and Gallant doing it the right way. I’m pretty sure the Goofus and Gallant above never made it into any of the final copies, although it proves my theory that Gallant was a racist.
The votes are in and in a close contest, 52% of Holy Taco readers would have sexual intercourse with Nelly Furtado than Christina Aguilera. I was going to write to Christina Aguilera’s publicist and see if I could get a reaction to the news, but then I remembered I didn’t care.
As usual, here’s real reactions by actual readers.
t-boner - I want Christina to ‘come on over’ and get ‘dirrrrrty.”
opposite_prime - If you choose Aguilera, you might win the “One Millionth Deposit Award.”
crack pipe - how can you do a grammy edition WWYRD without Amy Winehouse? Who’s in charge of this thing anyway?! What kind of Mickey Mouse operation are you running?
Well crack pipe, funny you should ask. Originally we built a robot just for the purposes of selecting the girls for WWYRD, but the the first week in charge he picked Michael J. Fox vs. an overhead map of Indonesia, so unfortunately we had to let him go because that would have been stupid. Everyone would have chose the map of Indonesia.
Screw you, Virginia. You call yourself a state? Oh sure, you have a constitution and you’re a recognized commonwealth by the United States of America, but to me you’re just a little bitch with little bitch laws. According to Cocktails.About.Com:
There is a place in the cocktailian United States where a bartender can spend a year in jail for serving some of the most common cocktails.
A 75 year-old law in Virginia makes it illegal for an establishment to sell any mixed drinks in which beer or wine is combined with distilled spirits.
That eliminates a lot of drinks, including many of the popular dropped shots (ie. Boilermaker, Irish Car Bomb and Flaming Dr. Pepper).
The archaic law was passed in Virginia just after the repeal of Prohibition, supposedly to discourage people from drinking overly intoxicating beverages.
I thought I lived in America, not AMERIfidelCAstro. What would Thomas Jefferson, George Washington or Colt 45 think of this 75 year-old-law that says I can’t enjoy the simple pleasure of dropping a shot glass full of Bailey’s Irish Cream and Jameson’s whiskey into a half-pint of Guinness and chugging the whole delicious mixture as fast as I possibly can? This nation may be a beacon of freedom and independence to some, but to me it’s nothing more than a lie. Unless they repeal that law. Then I’ll be too busy doing Bombs to give a shit.
Being cool is normally subjective. But there are some things that unequivocally make you uncool. We’re not saying we’re cool, we’re just saying if you own any of these items, you’re not.
10. iPhone
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