I like how this guy thinks his dog is learning how to box, meanwhile the dog is thinking “How the f*&k do I get these things off my paws. Why is he clapping for me?” If slapping something on your dog suddenly makes him whatever it is you put on him, then I taught my dog how to be a late 19th century railroad magnate by putting him in a tuxedo and giving him a top hat and a monocle.
Anytime I hear an animal barking or meowing or mooing, or making whatever noise the animal is supposed to make, I always assumed that if I translated that animal’s “voice” into English it would just sound like a man yelling “Aaaaaaaa!” I guess I was right.
I’ve seen a lot of animal shitting videos, and while most of them make me chuckle, I don’t really think they’re that post worthy. But this video, this video has like three levels of awesomeness. First of all, the reaction of the crowd, as they let out a unified “awwww” (one guy let’s out an ‘Oh god”) in disappointment that the bear has made diarrhea; in a word, amazing. I want to isolate that reaction and play it every time I have diarrhea.
Secondly, if you watch closely, the bear braces itself against the rock, and then is actually propelled upwards by his stream of poop. You may say “No, he’s just floating upwards naturally.” I say to you sir, shut your f* &king mouth, I’m going with my story.
Thirdly, at the end, as if the bear senses the crowd can take no more, he turns around and sticks his face in his brown murky mess, like Babe Ruth, giving a curtain call to an invigorated Yankee stadium crowd after crushing a 520 foot home run. What a performance. Nature is awesome.
Imagine getting the memo that your company’s executives thought it would be a good idea to write a team-building song and that it was mandatory that all employees had to be in the video. Then imagine the memo saying that you had to sing a version of Donna Summer’s “She Works Hard For The Money” except with lyrics about how great you treat your clients. Then imagine that you’re not imagining this.
Best lyric: A people’s business that’s what it is/Research creative and digital/Creating value/So meet our wonderful team
I don’t think there’s anything in the Bible that says you can’t love the Lord to some seriously bangin’ trance music. So let’s get our glow sticks, a few pacifiers, drop some tabs and get to churchin’!
I can’t tell you how many times I tried shit like this when I was little. I mean, I could, but really who gives a shit. Anyway, most of the time it resulted in the ball hitting my face, and that wasn’t because I missed catching it, it was because my brothers, who were usually the ones throwing it, didn’t throw it with the intention of me catching it, but instead it hitting me and injuring me. Yet every time I went through with it. F%&k you Danny, and Evan. F%&k you.
Even as a young child I was a little bit scared of Mr. Rogers. I don’t know what it was, but something about an elderly man that lived alone, played with make-believe puppets and hung out with an extremely nervous mail man. And the only other people I’ve seen who speak in his slow, calm and plodding way was Jeffrey Dahmer.
Check out this real and untouched video of Mr. Rogers breakdancing and tell me which one you think is creepier. Leave your votes in the comments section. Whoever leaves the best argument (for either side) will win something off my desk.