When I think of real baseball guys, George Brett is one of the first that comes to mind. He always looks like he’s just bathed in pine tar and nailed three fat chicks in an effort to break an 0-21 slump. This video confirms it. I don’t know if he forgot he had a mic on him, or if he just didn’t give a shit, but the man can tell a story. I’ve shit myself before, and I’ve even told stories about it, but never with the gusto and showmanship that George Brett exhibits in this video. If there were a hall of fame of shitting yourself stories, he’d be a first ballot selection along with my friend Kyle who shit himself just as he walked into a job interview at AAMCO.
Sometimes when you love something a lot, the only way to really show that love is through a choreographed song and dance. I’ve been working on one for Yogurt and Green Onion Kettle Chips, but it’s not finished yet.
I really, really hope that the main dude in this video was like a bad ass break dancer who did a bunch of coke and banged a ton of chicks. Then one day during a break dance battle he lost his cool and killed a rival dancer who taunted him with a 360 head spin and a nut grab in his direction. Then in jail, a priest told him that God has given him the gift of being able to do the robot, and that that gift must be used for good, or to warm up crowds before the Shamu show at Sea World, but definitely not evil.
I wish other people could channel the monologue power of Alec Baldwin so that my life could be more entertaining. Imagine you’re at a restaurant and Baldwin is the waiter and he comes over to your table and is like “You listen to me you shit head, todays specials are going to BLOW your f*&king mind like you took them to a back alley and gave them thirty bucks. This pastrami on rye is going to leap off the bread (gets closer to your face) and run down your pants. Then it’s gonna say a quick hello to your nutsack before it JAMS ITSELF UP YOUR ASSHOLE and makes a little home there. Maybe has a few kids. You understand what I’m saying? You understand you have to order this? Good.” In honor of Baldwin, I’ve added the Glengarry Glen Ross monologue below. Enjoy.
We’d like to salute these youngsters for getting up onstage and giving it their all. If these kids keep practicing, they’ll surely get better. But until then, let’s all enjoy the lighter side of teenagers learning how to play their instruments.
The Worst Iron Man Cover – Watch more free videos 5. Iron Man – Unnamed 7th Grade Talent Show Band
When this first starts out you’re sort of like, “Hey, this isn’t too bad.” And then the drums kick in and the rhythm goes to hell and then it all just completely falls apart. Sort of like Ozzy’s life.
The Worst Nirvana Cover Ever – Watch more free videos 4. Smells Like Teen Spirit – The Hackley School Band
Say what you will about her vocal stylings, but the singer has got moxie. But the high point of this video, in my opinion, is the searing solo at the 2:52 mark. That dude can totally shred.
There’s dogs acting like humans, and then there’s this. I beg of you to watch the whole thing. Any time they make a small dog into a sex-crazed 1920s bad guy who wears a tuxedo and a top hat and is attempting to sexually assault a dog in a dress, I feel like I need to share it with you. I don’t give a shit what anyone says, you can show me all the CGI explosions in the world and it’s not as cool as a group of dogs walking on two legs in formal attire.
If there was an Internet election, I would vote for this kid to be the Sultan Emperor Prime Minister King of the World Wide Web. He is the champion of the Internet. Watching him hand a verbal beatdown to everyone who made fun of his Youtube video is like watching a mom scold her child for crapping it’s pants at the mall. He just went on the Internet to give his opinions about the Denver Broncos and he has to put up with some asshole saying he “has testicles in his mouth.” Why can’t it just be about the Denver Broncos and not about mouth testicles? This is a question I’ve been asking the Internet for years, so I’m glad someone finally has the guts (I was going to say “balls,” but I think this post has enough testicle references) to come out and ask the questions we’re all too afraid to ask.
I don’t think this video needs any explanation. It is what it is: A man wearing a mask made out of firecracker-laden bananas. Then, he calmly and deliberately lights the firecrackers while still wearing the banana mask. (The best one, by far, is at the 1:42 mark.)
I have no idea if this was made on a dare, as a prank on humanity or if it was entered into the “Make A Video That Would Simultaneously Scare And Soothe You” contest. All I know is that I’m glad it exists.
If this isn’t the weirdest thing you’ve seen today, then please send an email to firstname.lastname@example.org with a link to what IS the weirdest thing you’ve seen today. Chances are we’ll post it.
I’m a sucker for a good “animals screwing behind reporter doing a live broadcast video. This one I think is extra special for a few reasons. First, I had no idea pig’s made noises like that when they screw. He sounds more like his penis got caught inside her vagina, and that her vagina is going to explode in 10 seconds. Secondly, I love that the pig nudges her several times to let her know he wants to have sex. What man out there hasn’t done basically the exact same thing? Thirdly, I think we can all agree that if there were an asian man helping us while we were doing it, things would go a lot smoother.