I wish other people could channel the monologue power of Alec Baldwin so that my life could be more entertaining. Imagine you’re at a restaurant and Baldwin is the waiter and he comes over to your table and is like “You listen to me you shit head, todays specials are going to BLOW your f*&king mind like you took them to a back alley and gave them thirty bucks. This pastrami on rye is going to leap off the bread (gets closer to your face) and run down your pants. Then it’s gonna say a quick hello to your nutsack before it JAMS ITSELF UP YOUR ASSHOLE and makes a little home there. Maybe has a few kids. You understand what I’m saying? You understand you have to order this? Good.” In honor of Baldwin, I’ve added the Glengarry Glen Ross monologue below. Enjoy.
We’d like to salute these youngsters for getting up onstage and giving it their all. If these kids keep practicing, they’ll surely get better. But until then, let’s all enjoy the lighter side of teenagers learning how to play their instruments.
The Worst Iron Man Cover – Watch more free videos 5. Iron Man – Unnamed 7th Grade Talent Show Band
When this first starts out you’re sort of like, “Hey, this isn’t too bad.” And then the drums kick in and the rhythm goes to hell and then it all just completely falls apart. Sort of like Ozzy’s life.
The Worst Nirvana Cover Ever – Watch more free videos 4. Smells Like Teen Spirit – The Hackley School Band
Say what you will about her vocal stylings, but the singer has got moxie. But the high point of this video, in my opinion, is the searing solo at the 2:52 mark. That dude can totally shred.
There’s dogs acting like humans, and then there’s this. I beg of you to watch the whole thing. Any time they make a small dog into a sex-crazed 1920s bad guy who wears a tuxedo and a top hat and is attempting to sexually assault a dog in a dress, I feel like I need to share it with you. I don’t give a shit what anyone says, you can show me all the CGI explosions in the world and it’s not as cool as a group of dogs walking on two legs in formal attire.
If there was an Internet election, I would vote for this kid to be the Sultan Emperor Prime Minister King of the World Wide Web. He is the champion of the Internet. Watching him hand a verbal beatdown to everyone who made fun of his Youtube video is like watching a mom scold her child for crapping it’s pants at the mall. He just went on the Internet to give his opinions about the Denver Broncos and he has to put up with some asshole saying he “has testicles in his mouth.” Why can’t it just be about the Denver Broncos and not about mouth testicles? This is a question I’ve been asking the Internet for years, so I’m glad someone finally has the guts (I was going to say “balls,” but I think this post has enough testicle references) to come out and ask the questions we’re all too afraid to ask.
I don’t think this video needs any explanation. It is what it is: A man wearing a mask made out of firecracker-laden bananas. Then, he calmly and deliberately lights the firecrackers while still wearing the banana mask. (The best one, by far, is at the 1:42 mark.)
I have no idea if this was made on a dare, as a prank on humanity or if it was entered into the “Make A Video That Would Simultaneously Scare And Soothe You” contest. All I know is that I’m glad it exists.
If this isn’t the weirdest thing you’ve seen today, then please send an email to firstname.lastname@example.org with a link to what IS the weirdest thing you’ve seen today. Chances are we’ll post it.
I’m a sucker for a good “animals screwing behind reporter doing a live broadcast video. This one I think is extra special for a few reasons. First, I had no idea pig’s made noises like that when they screw. He sounds more like his penis got caught inside her vagina, and that her vagina is going to explode in 10 seconds. Secondly, I love that the pig nudges her several times to let her know he wants to have sex. What man out there hasn’t done basically the exact same thing? Thirdly, I think we can all agree that if there were an asian man helping us while we were doing it, things would go a lot smoother.
The next time you take a plane ride that will involve a little zero gravity, you may want to bring your dog and leave your girlfriend at home. As you can see from these two videos, they have two very different reactions. Here’s what’s going through each of their minds as they hit zero gravity:
Girl: Oh my God oh my God oh my god. Please stop! I want to go home. Don’t! Why did I come on this stupid trip. God I hate planes! Oh no, I’m totally going to puke. Oh God. Here it comes. If I cover my face no one will know. I just puked. Covering my face didn’t work. My glasses are covered in puke and I may have yakked on that bitch next to me. Well, she dragged me on this trip. Stupid bitch. Oh no, I think I might puke again…
Dog: This flight is going pretty nicely. I wonder why they brought me along? Oh hey, I’m floating. Let’s go see what these guys are doing. I wonder if I’ll get some sausages later. Man, I love sausages. Hey guys, what’s up? Whoa, back on the floor now. Are there any sausages down here?
When you learn other languages, it’s important that you learn popular phrases that you’ll regularly need. For instance, “Where is the nearest bank,” or “I have a bad case of diarrhea.” I really like that they took the learning process one step further and made a song out of it that’s accompanied with a dance. In fact, the next time I have a bad case of diarrhea, I’m going to turn to my co-worker, tell him, and then do this dance and sing the song. That way I’ve covered all my bases.
I can’t really explain this. I can’t explain why children are playing in a penis slide and I really can’t explain the song that’s playing. I’m not sure why someone made this slide, or why someone would let their child play in it, so I’m just going to let you deal with this on your own. Good luck.