The next time you take a plane ride that will involve a little zero gravity, you may want to bring your dog and leave your girlfriend at home. As you can see from these two videos, they have two very different reactions. Here’s what’s going through each of their minds as they hit zero gravity:
Girl: Oh my God oh my God oh my god. Please stop! I want to go home. Don’t! Why did I come on this stupid trip. God I hate planes! Oh no, I’m totally going to puke. Oh God. Here it comes. If I cover my face no one will know. I just puked. Covering my face didn’t work. My glasses are covered in puke and I may have yakked on that bitch next to me. Well, she dragged me on this trip. Stupid bitch. Oh no, I think I might puke again…
Dog: This flight is going pretty nicely. I wonder why they brought me along? Oh hey, I’m floating. Let’s go see what these guys are doing. I wonder if I’ll get some sausages later. Man, I love sausages. Hey guys, what’s up? Whoa, back on the floor now. Are there any sausages down here?
When you learn other languages, it’s important that you learn popular phrases that you’ll regularly need. For instance, “Where is the nearest bank,” or “I have a bad case of diarrhea.” I really like that they took the learning process one step further and made a song out of it that’s accompanied with a dance. In fact, the next time I have a bad case of diarrhea, I’m going to turn to my co-worker, tell him, and then do this dance and sing the song. That way I’ve covered all my bases.
I can’t really explain this. I can’t explain why children are playing in a penis slide and I really can’t explain the song that’s playing. I’m not sure why someone made this slide, or why someone would let their child play in it, so I’m just going to let you deal with this on your own. Good luck.
There are tons of theories about how the human race will become extinct. Asteroid has always been my favorite because it’s a super awesome crap your pants moment, but there’s not enough time for people to try to break into my house and steal my bottled water or special edition copy of Predator.
This video kind of speaks for itself, so I’m not going to overanalyze, but here’s a few thoughts that occurred while watching. First of all, I love how the Orgy people thought anyone would think this was a church. It looks like the set of the a Saw film. Secondly, why is it that every time I see a news report about some underground orgy party, everyone is grotesquely ugly or in this case, sound like they work the register at a Dairy Queen in some shit town on he way to Vegas. Thirdly, I can’t tell you how much I love when local news stations put up a picture of the people in question, and it’s the most ridiculous picture they can find. In this case, the couple is shirtless wearing bow ties. I’ve said before, but I shall say it again: Thank God for Local News.
I can’t figure out the worst part about this video. Is it the song, the woman singing the song, the music video itself, or the motorcycle guy’s mullet? They all seem to be equally terrible. So, if two negatives make a positive, then four negatives might make a totally awesome positive. I don’t really understand quantum physics, but using the Copenhagen Interpretation of the Einstein-Podolsky-Rosen paradox*, I think this video has so many negative components that the wave-particle duality actually inverses on itself to become the greatest video in the universe.
I asked a quantum physicist to see if my formula was correct. This was his response:
Quantum Physicist: No, this video sucks. Shut up.
Well, now we have our answer. Still, it’s kind of a catchy tune.
*I have no idea what those terms mean. I found them on wikipedia.
It’s not often that a great orator graces us with his ability to take a very complex situation and turn it into a simple story that makes all of humanity sit back and see the world in a new perspective. History has given us such great speakers as Winston Churchill, Martin Luther King Jr and John F. Kennedy. But now, it gives us…Diddy.
From his opening salvo of “Diddy Obama blog! Diddy Obama blog! Diddy Obama blog! Attention John McCain: My name is…Diddy.” to the scathing probe of “She gonna be on the phone with my man from South Korea and like…what she…I mean? What in theee hell?” As you can see, he’s asking the questions that mainstream media is too scared to ask. I’d like to be the first to thank Diddy for his patriotism, his sense of duty and, most of all, for his willingness to take a dump with his mouth in front of a camera, and then put that dump on the Internet.
Watching some athlete hold up some ornate trophy is exciting to only the fans of that athlete/team. But when something goes wrong and the trophy ends up in more than one piece, well, everyone can enjoy that.
5. Marat Safin – Some Tennis Trophy
Note how the guy in the back right of photos three and four continues to clap as he watches it fall on Marat’s head, and ultimately to the ground. His face is saying “Watch out for falling trophy!” but his hands are saying “Bravo!”
4. Kazuhiro Kokubo – The 2007 FIS Snowboard Second Place Trophy
I have no idea what this trophy looked like before it was smashed, but I’m guessing the oh-crap-did-you-just-see-my-trophy-fall-over-and-get-smashed look on his face tells me it was a little bigger than a handle and a small glass rod.
American heavy metal bands like Slayer and Metallica and Cannibal Corpse could learn a lesson from their Japanese counterpart. If you go into the studio with your vocal tracks totally perfect (if you hang on til the one minute mark you’ll see why), then you won’t need to spend a lot of time overdubbing and tweaking your songs. It’s simple. Anyone with ears can tell that this Japanese guy is the consummate professional. He had clearly worked very perfecting his songs before he even got into the studio. And clearly his hard work paid off. I mean, this song is clearly in the can and he’s ready to knock out the next one.
Other crap to look at:
Keeley Hazell and her delicious cleavage (cameltap)
Paris Hilton’s push up bra (drunkenstepfather)
The greatest inspirational speech of all time (doubleviking)
Nicky Fleites is attractive (tastybooze)
Christine Marie LeMaster is attractive (gorillamask)
Keryn Franco is another Olympic beauty (funtasticus)
Kevin Spacey grabbed some dude’s ass (TheBlemish)
Britney Spears new bikini body (FListed)
Bert and Ernie were thugs (BestWeekEver)
Really painful chin plant on bike jump (nothingtoxic)
Jenna Jameson nude in Private Parts (MrSkin)
What’s worst than catching your parents having sex? This. (DonChavez)