We here at Holy Taco like beer. In fact, I can safely say, everyone who isn’t a communist loves beer. But believe it or not, there was a time in this country when beer was illegal and having sex with animals was legal. Thankfully the government lifted the ban on alcohol and beer was once again free for all of us to drink. In celebration of this moment in history, we went to the Budweiser brewery on the day they celebrate the repeal of prohibition. Enjoy.
So, in this video, Tyra Banks asks Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt about their claims that Lauren Conrad has a sex tape. I went ahead and added in what Spencer was probably thinking during the interview.
I think when you’re really super stupid, and you meet other really super stupid people, you just get excited and want to talk to them a bunch. It’s like when you have a dog that doesn’t get out much, then you walk it and it comes across another dog it starts going to into turbo butthole sniffing mode because it’s a)so excited to see another dog and b)thinks this might be the last butthole it gets to sniff for a long time. That’s sort of the energy in this room with these three geniuses. I love that Spencer said 1000%. That a classic move. “Hmmm, how do I show how sure I am? I’ll say I’m ten thousand percent sure. Wait, I’m not quite that sure…”
Dikembe Mutombo talks funny because he’s not from around here (unless you’re reading this in Africa.) So his Houston Rocket teammates had a little fun impersonating his wacky African accent. But I think Deke needs to wag his four-foot long finger at some of their vocal skills. Aaron Brooks looks like he’s trying to do a deaf Yoda, Yao just says something that sounds like “Chicken finger,” and Bobby Jackson looks and sounds like a drunk retard. Can the Rockets sign Rich Little to help out their mimicking skills?
There have been a lot of songs that have made the world a better place. First there was John Lennon’s “Imagine.” Then there was “We Are The World.” And now we can add Principal Fred Scretta…Something Or Other’s hip-hop jam about trash to that hallowed list. John Lennon may have taught us that “the world will live as one,” but Principal Fred has taught us that he’s “got a new task for ya’ll called the ‘pick up your trash.’” The man is truly a poet.
A few weeks ago, video came out that showed a man trapped in an elevator for 41 hours. We even posted the video here a week or so ago. I remember when I saw that video, I thought to myself, what if he had needed to go to the bathroom really badly? Well, the guys at shortsbus.com answered that question for me.
The best part about this 1979 Star Wars PSA is that it doesn’t actually show any characters had anything close to a speaking role in any of the movies. What? Jabba The Hut or C-3PO are too busy to make sure you don’t get behind the wheel after too many Death Stars? Jerks.
1)Because I saw that it was a news report about a guy who was upset about golf balls ending up in his yard and I had to know whether or not the local news report was going to say the guy was “teed off.” God I love local news.
2)I love how they think it’s some kind of mysterious phenomenon. The guy lives on a giant amount of land, and any time you live on a giant amount of land, if someone who lives near you has a golf club, there’s a good chance there’s going to be a shitpile of golf balls on your land. I was half way expecting them to show an artists rendition of some sort of monster that is responsible for this madness. God I love local news.
Tow truck drivers are a skilled section of the car care workforce. You can’t just be any jackass with a trailer hitch and expect to know how to properly connect two automobiles with a chain. You need years of schooling, hours of study and extensive on the job training before you can join the ranks of those who drag cars from point A to point B.