I used to think I enjoyed the occassional perverted deviance in the bedroom. Then I saw the Internet and realized that the ol’ fashioned doggystyle hairpull doesn’t cut it with some people. If you can only get off when someone chokes the shit out of you with their thighs, maybe it’s time to take a step back and get some perspective on your life. Nah, fuck it. Just get a Thighmaster and a video camera.
Because your household objects aren’t going to hump themselves.
10. As the old saying goes, some days you get the bear and some days the bear gets you. But other days you get the bear off the top of the La-Z-Boy and then hump it so hard you catch a few inches of air. Those are the really good days.
I’m not sure if this crappy local commercial, courtesy of College Humor, is telling fat people to go to the gym, or that they will get their fat asses kicked if they show up at this particular gym. Either way, it makes fun of fat people in rhyme. So it’s OK by me:
In an exclusive interview with ABC News, President Bush said that if he didn’t stop getting totally housed on the booze, he probably wouldn’t be president right now. Hmm, maybe he’s smarter than everyone gives him credit for:
“I doubt I’d be standing here if I hadn’t quit drinking whiskey, and beer and wine and all that,” the president disclosed Tuesday to ABC News’ Martha Raddatz during an exclusive tour of the White House residence.
“I wasn’t a knee-walking drunk,” Bush said. “It’s a difficult thing to do, which is to kick an addiction.”
“Alcohol can compete with your affections. It sure did in my case,” Bush said, “affections with your family, or affections for exercise.”
Did he just say “affections for exercise”? I only say stupid shit like that after I’ve had six or seven Irish Car Bombs. If you’d like to see what the Prez was like back when he was on the sauce, put on your beer goggles and watch the video below: