Celebrate America’s 9% Unemployment With $130,000 Nail Polish

If you’ve been trying to find a way to decorate your fingers with a substance that tells unemployed people to F-off and die, then a company known as Models Own has just the substance you’ve been searching for.

The substance is a nail polish that costs an astounding $130,000 per bottle, not a drop of which will make you any more bangable. The reason it costs about as much as a Ferrari is because the polish is made from gold, and the bottle is encrusted with 1,118 diamonds. Of course, you can just buy yourself a three dollar thing of gold nail polish from your local drug store or whore shopping depot and tell people that it’s made of pure gold. It’ll save you roughly $130,000, and you won’t have to worry about the crushing guilt of spending such an obscene amount of money on something no one will even be able to tell is that expensive. But, then again, the chances of people with the human ability to feel such things as guilt and shame actually buying this stuff are very slim. We can only assume this stuff is advertised on the blood soaked walls of eastern European torture dungeons and blood orgy ball rooms – the kind of places those upper echelon types go to get their rocks off by killing drifters with hammers made of solid diamond.

Ugh. Why would you wear this? It looks like Liberace’s taint after an explosion at a glitter factory. And, incidentally, The Glitter Factory would make for an excellent name for a gay strip club.

We normally don’t like to advocate violence here at Holy Taco, but if you ever meet someone that not only wears this stuff but purchases it regularly, you have our permission to beat them to death with your own shoes. Yeah, you may have bought those ADIDAS ripoffs at Payless for only $7.99, but they can crush the skull of an extravagant douche nozzle just fine.