Celebrity Tweets Translated to and From Chinese

One of the best things on the internet to someone best described as “immature” is an online translator, such as Babelfish.  It’s a fun way to learn sexual innuendo in other languages but for the true scholar, it’s also an amusing way to waste 20 minutes by translating a funny sentence into a crazy, foreign language, then translating it back into English to see how butchered it has become.  And that brings us to the crux of this article.

Twitter doesn’t exist for a meaningful reason, it’s three layers of uselessness.  On top are celebrities who use the forum for self aggrandizement, followed closely by media outlets and businesses that exploit those celebrities and their Tweets and finally everyone else who thinks they’re interacting with their celebrity crushes but is really just fueling the Twitter machine and the media perception that Twitter is an invaluable tool.  But shh, we’re a website so we’re on level 2 which means we get some use out of it; point is celebrities on Twitter say some dumb shit that has no point.  So does the point get any more clear when you translate it into simplified Chinese and back to English?  One way to find out!

Kanye West

Ever the jokester, Kanye dropped this wicked one-liner on his fans:  Boyfriends are like rush hour traffic… ALWAYS IN THE F*CKING WAY!

Translation:

Zooey Deschanel

If you’ve ever read Zooey’s feed then we’re sorry, but also this Tweet is likely to surprise you:  Happy labor day everyone. It’s your last chance to wear those super flattering white pants without making a yuppie cry.

Translation:

Donald Trump

Obviously whatever Trump says is stupid, but let’s see what he has for us as it relates to his concern for minorites; Unemployment is plaguing both Black and Hispanic youths. Very troubling.

Translation:

Sarah Palin

Speaking of morons, what’s Palin got to say on the subject of sugar daddies? The Sugar Daddy Has Run Out of Sugar; Now We Need New Leaders

Translation:

Bobby Flay

Bobby is an Iron Chef, so I think he could kill us all with a pork chop, but whatever.  Here’s what he was up to recently;  I’m in the mood for some summer time tequila sipping… what’s your favorite?

Translation:

Kanye West: The Squeakuel

You can expect Kanye to make several noteworthy Tweets in a day, so let’s see what he has to say about album titles; Dude from Muse just gave a shout out to “His Beautiful Pregnant Girlfriend” sounds like a good album title!

Translation:

Snooki

Everything Snooki says is like Robert Frost,if he were wiping his ass.  Gettin rowdy in this bitch tabloids eat this O.o raaahhhhh I’m a good person!!!

Translation:

Chris Brown

He’s famous for beating ladies.  Oh, and I hear he plays the flute or whatever.  I wonder how many celebrities actually pass gas during the show and act like it’s someone else!

Translation:

Courtney Stodden

She’s 16, she married a 51 year old and she’s arguably a total idiot.  Had such a Thirsty-Thursday; I just might have Doug moisten my mouth tonight with his delectable drink? Mmm… Now that’s tempting.

Translation:

Kim Kardashian

She’s a mom now. Or a wife.  Or a money-grubbing black hole of despair.  in any event, she’s also a shill; Hi dolls make sure you watch us on Letterman tomorrow night for our Kardashian Kollection at Sears

Translation:

Tara Reid

This whole entry is just cute because it’s based on the premise that Tara Reid is still a celebrity.  Anyway; Just got married in greece I love being a wife!

Translation: