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CES 2012 Introduces New Fapping Technology

This year’s Consumer Electronics Show in Vegas introduced the world to a whole new batch of innovative, life-changing products that you will just eventually use to watch or make porn with. The items that topped the list are still unavailable, and even when they become available they’ll be well out of the average consumer’s price range, but shortly after they hit the shelves, people will be using them to get off.

The Fuji XPro-1

The XPro-1 camera from Fuji is a high-end consumer DSLR with interchangeable lenses, multiple viewfinder modes, complete manual control, and popular film stock simulations. Now when you’re taking photos of the person you met off of Craigslist, you can seem legit for a lot less cash than in previous years. Make your subject think you actually are using these photos for your portfolio, and not just passing them around the break room at Best Buy.

3D Systems Cube Printer

3D printers create objects using plastic instead of ink and they were once a thing of the future. However, 3D Systems has finally developed a device that brings basic 3D printing right to your home. At $1,299 this item is a little on the steep side, but when you think about all the plastic body parts you could make in your own bedroom, it’s a small price to pay.

Dish Network’s “Tailgater”

It’s a portable satellite dish in a comfortable price range for most consumers. Think of the convenience a device like this is going to offer. Everything your dish brings you at home can now go out on the road. Now lonely travelers can invest in one of these and avoid racking up exorbitant hotel pay-per-view porn charges that will end up getting them in trouble with their wives.

GoPro Hero2 HD Movie Camera

This new addition to the increasingly popular line of action-sports oriented cameras is the most versatile and indestructible yet. What makes this one an improvement from previous models is it’s ability to be mounted to a number of objects, particularly personal safety equipment. Now anyone can film violent group sex from a first-person point of view without breaking the bank.

The Ultimate Video Recliner

For about $6,000 you can have the most isolating viewing experience modern technology has to offer. This video recliner gives you a panoramic view of whatever you happen to be watching. Lock the door, strap on a good pair of headphones, and prepare yourself for the ultimate solo gaming experience!

 

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