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China’s Predator Drone Knock-Off Explodes, Like All Chinese Knock-Offs

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Attention Americans!: We no longer have to fear China possibly taking over America! For so long we have known that all Chinese people from China are well versed in the ninja arts and can run across the ocean, not needing battleships and submarines to storm our beaches to begin their invasion. We thought this because we are kind of xenophobic-y and don’t know much about Chinese culture beyond ninjas and noodles. Regardless, those are the things we should still be fearing – noodles excluded. But ninjas have one fatal flaw: they die when they come in contact with bullets. Like almost nothing else does. One thing we don’t have to worry about is any form of superior Chinese war machines. They may own one hell of a lot of our debt, but that certainly doesn’t mean they have the financial backing to construct deadly weapons.

Case in point: it’s being reported that the Chinese military’s version of a Predator drone crashed in North China for no reason whatsoever. Of course, this could simply be the result of a failed prototype, which would mean they will learn from the mistakes of the crash to build a better drone in the future. But let’s be real here folks, and by “real” I mean, let’s make fun of them to make ourselves feel better about our shitty situation.

The crashed drone is called the Pterodactyl, and it’s basically a rip-off the good ol’fashion American Predator drone. Reports indicate that anyone can pick up a Pterodactyl drone of their own from one of China’s many Chinatown districts, alongside bootleg copies of The Green Lantern and Rolex watches that disintegrate the moment a tourist overpays for one.

Upon closer examination, the drone was found to have been made of lead-based paint and botulism.

Haha! China jokes! Aren’t they fun?!

They’re going to invade us one day, aren’t they?

Goddamnit.

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